New to the forum

Hello,this is the first time I have used the forum. I have been caring for my mum for over 20years. Sometimes it can be exhausting and mentally upsetting, Ii would be nice to know how other people manage to basically get on with it. Whether the loneliness is part of this,the feelings of you don’t have a life any more, or am I just being selfish. What do other carers think .

Hi Andrew, welcome to the forum.
When did you last have a break? You can only do so much for so long. Then you become what I call a Clapped Out Carer!
How old are you and mum?

Hi Andrew, I feel exactly the same. Physically exhausted, mentally drained & lonely. I also feel like I have no life. I don’t do anything for myself anymore & consider myself nothing more than a carer. I have only been caring for my mum for a few years but more full time in recent months. I don’t know how you have managed to carry on for 20 years. It’s so hard. Please know you aren’t selfish for feeling that way, you care for your mum so definitely not selfish. 20 years of caring is amazing, well done.

Hi Andrew,

I don’t think we all just get on with it - I think we all find it tough at times too.

Twenty years is a very long to have been caring for your Mum. What are her care needs?

Do you manage to work, follow a hobby or interest and have sometime for yourself?

You might find the book the The Selfish Pig’s Guide To Caring: How to cope with the emotional and practical aspects of caring for someone by Hugh Mariott helpful.


Dear Andrew_19121
Hi. My name is Kristie and i am a volunteer online community host for Carers UK. I hope you manage to get help from the forum through advice from fellow carers. Carers UK also have a helpline phone number which you can phone for your situation and i will give you that number below.
So, welcome to the forum! You are not alone in your caring role and i am sure that many on here will understand exactly how you feel and will offer you the support you need. Caring can be very lonely and the pandemic has made caring responsibilities challenging as many carers have been socially restricted and and unable to attend social groups etc.
Carers UK are running two online weekly meet ups for carers and you can find the information on how to register at Care For A Cuppa:- Online meetups | Carers UK. The second online weekly meet up is called Share And Learn:-Share and Learn | Carers UK.
Our telephone number is 0808 808 7777 and the line is open from Monday to Friday between the hours of 9am-6pm.Our email address is (
They provide information and guidance to unpaid carers. This covers:-
-Benefits And Financial Support
-Your Rights As A Carer In The Workplace
-Carers Assessments And How To Get Support In Your Caring Role
-Services Available To Carers And The People You Care For
-How To Complain Effectively And Challenge Decisions
Best Wishes

Welcome to the forum