Suddenly no Carers arriving no Nurses visiting home is now an empty place soo quiet thank God for our little dog or I would have lost it totally it’s such a strange world after over 50 years of marriage and I have disabilitys with my mobility myself but I’m trying days of crying then a day of coping
Hi Gloria … a holding reply given just how quiet this forum as become of late.
( Plenty of train spotters but hardly any posting anything. )
Welcome to the wonderful world of former carers … almost as bleak as our former one at times.
Loneliness and a sense of uselessness ?
All too common as caring becomes part of the " New " you even when the physical and mental aspect ceases.
Plenty of posting in the FORMER CARERS section for you to explore … many relate to these themes.
One of my old threads may also be of use here :
Others will be along to provide their insights and guidance.
Life sounds tough just now. I’m glad you are reaching out to the forum. Sending you cyber (((hugs))).
Do you need support yourself due to your mobility problems? Perhaps you should claim Attendance allowance in your own right and then you could pay a cleaner or gardener or someone to take you shopping - which would give you some routine, company and practical help.
What is your little dog’s name? Do you take him/her for short walks? If you walk the same route at a similiar time, you’ll start to meet other walkers /dog walkers and be able to pass the time of day etc
Ester Rantzen launched a campaign on loneliness as it was something she experienced (like so many of us carers) https://www.thesilverline.org.uk/ It is aimed at older people and offers companionship, advice and support. Worth peek.
Also our low mood thread on here https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support-and-advice/carers-health-issues/positive-ways-to-cope-with-low-mood-12505
You wouldn’t be humane if you weren’t feeling as you are, but time will help and you will gradually find a new way of being.
Crying is natural and part of the process. I too was married for over 50 years, and lost my lovely husband in May. Focus has changed now,and sometimes I have no motivation at all. Hubby wouldn’t want that so I try. Have refurbishment to deal with.
As Melly said, can you get out with your little dog, as it’s a way of meeting people. Surprising how many stop my daughter to ask her dogs name etc when out with her. The forum is cyber company too, the roll call section is a ’ a chat over the fence’
Others will be along and keep posting.It helps
Welcome. So sorry for your loss.
One of the biggest ‘shock surprises’ I had when my Mum passed away after many years of caring taking up most of my time, was that I was ten years older! Sounds daft doesn’t it but many of the activities I had pushed aside to do ‘one day’ were no longer feasible because I wasn’t in my 50’s any more, but very close to 70. All those free hours I had longed for suddenly needed to be filled and although housework had been kept just ticking over there’s only so much enthusiasm one can generate for ‘spring cleaning’. (Especially if one isn’t a big fan of cleaning in the first place). It took me a good 12 months to be able to generate any energy at all as I spent long hours feeling too exhausted to lift an arm as my body recovered somewhat from all the trauma and duties connected to years of caring and the aftermath of Mum’s death.
Eventually I found myself a project. I’m not a dedicated year round gardener but I do like to potter about in the garden and suddenly getting down to the flower beds and even more, getting up again, was too painful. My project was to redesign the garden with raised beds and gravel areas to make life easier and that hobby a pleasure instead of a chore.
Do not be surprised by feeling, low, lonely, unenthusiastic and just too tired to be bothered. It’s normal. Try to keep your mind busy. Could be catching up with the books you haven’t had time to read, sorting all those old photos, looking into a new interest perhaps. If you knit or sew that can keep your hands busy (and if not could you learn to?) and those daily walks with your dog are a great thing for a bit of exercise and fresh air. There will be something that catches your interest, you just have to find it.
When you are feeling more energetic have a good look around your area. There may be clubs or groups that you could join. My art group was a lifesaver for me. Reach out when you can. There are friends out there you have yet to meet. Time will not completely heal the gap where your husband used to be but it will blur the edges.
Wishing you well
Such good advice from all the kind people on this forum, I really can’t think of anything to add. One thing did spring to mind though. Is there a Women’s Institute in your area? If there is and when you’re feeling up to it that might be a good idea to join them. A neighbour(72 year old) of mine joined out local W.I. She was new to the area and didn’t know anyone but she was welcomed with open arms and now has a new circle of friends who have taken her under their wing . If you’re not sure if there is a W.I perhaps the receptionists at your surgery might know or be able to give you a contact number of a W.I organiser
You never know … meet as strangers leave as friends.
Another idea might be to join a local luncheon club. There again GPs surgeries or your local social services will probably ne able to give you details.
Please let us all know how you get on.
Sending a big warm hug.
within you locality there will be ex carers support groups. It very important to still be connected to like minded people.
There are supports group for all sort of people issues/needs. Is just getting link up. Once there you will never need to look back.
Cannot add much to the comments from the others.But yes, I can well believe your dog is a great comfort. It is normal to have days where you struggle. I found CRUSE telephone counselling quite good when I lost my late father - safe place to vent. They also had meetings but I was not able to attend those.
It is going to take time to come to terms with the loss.