Hi this is my first time posting on line my name is Jackie I have been looking after my partner for 5 years now but this last year has been the worst as it has been for everyone else. I feel so alone I can’t find the energy to do anything feel like I have been dropped in to a black hole how do find motivation on days like this
Jackie, Welcome to the forum. I feel very much the same.
I long to be able to walk down the High Street, mooch round the charity shops etc, have a coffee.
Would you like to tell us a bit more about your caring role, we might be able to make a few suggestions to help.
Hi Jackie & welcome
You are not alone on how you feel. I think a lot of us what just a different routine. I sometimes use to moan about doing the same things each week. But how I would like that back right now. I want to visit the second hand venue and like bowlingbun charity shop visits. A cappuccino stop off.
I save up magazines to read I do weekly take a break quiz’s. I trying to win the largest prize at the back.
I phone several of my elderly neighbours. I write a list of questions to get there memories working. A bit like reminiscence which they love.
I keep saying to myself not long to go now.
I do stick to daily routines though get up at the same time. Have meals at the same time etc.
I waiting for my local furniture store to open as they will be having a sale.
Welcome, you are not alone. It can be so hard even when we’re not all stuck at home, so much more difficult this last year. Even just those little interactions at the charity shop or the coffee shop were such a help.
I am terrible at self-care, but learning to be better at it. I think you have to give yourself permission to take some time for yourself when you find it - that was what I did yesterday, I found myself with almost an hour to myself, the girls were both fine doing their own things and my partner was still at work. My brain kept telling me, oh, great you could clean the bathrooms or tidy up the kitchen counter. But in the end I enjoyed an uninterrupted cup of coffee and watched TV!!! Bliss!
I’ve joined my local Carers organisation too and now I am trying to see if I can figure out how to be free to join in with one of their regular Zoom meet-ups for coffee and a chat.
As you can tell from many of the carers who have contacted you, you really aren’t alone on this one. Caring can be extremely lonely and difficult, even more so during lockdown. Which is why we have set up some online zoom groups, I know its not the same as face to face Jackie, but we have a couple of weekly group sessions where carers come together on zoom and chat, it’s a chance to take a break for an hour, grab a coffee and chat with other carers who know exactly what you’re going through. There’s no pressure to share anything your not comfortable with, we’re just there if you need us and its a great place to pick up tips and advice. The session is called Care for a Cuppa and runs every Monday at 3pm for an hour or so, we have quite a group going now and lots of new carers coming along each week. You can sign up on the following link Online meetups | Carers UK on that page you will also see a link to our Share and Learn sessions, we’re running all sorts of sessions from singing, yoga, talks with guest speakers, and lots more. Please have a look and sign up if you would like to. We would love to see you there.
with all good wishes
You are not alone - I feel the way that you do. I guess we have to try and think outside the box? Like others I used to love looking round town and visiting the charity book shops and the library even for half an hour. Do you enjoy reading? If so, can you find a local Book Club obline? Maybe the local Carers group have telephone befrienders - they have often been carers themselves. I think so many of us were ‘near the edge’ anyway that the lockdowns have taken away the little freedom and pleasure in life we had! It has made me grateful though for the staff in the local shops who have been a lifeline and I have got to know my neighbours better over the last year and am grateful for any small kindess.
Thank you all for replying. This is so hard I can’t even write about all my partners problems it makes me cry .I am doing my best to be strong and I know it sounds selfish but I find myself feeling restful and I don’t want to be that person does anyone else feel like that and how do you cope with it
Hi Jackie and welcome to the forum.
Think about what makes you happy. Listening to music and dancing is what I love so I try to do that sometimes. I’ve just had a lovely time singing with others as part of the ‘Share and learn’ sessions provided online by carersuk.
Try to incorporate other activities into your life - that’s what I’ve done and it’s made a big difference to me.
I understand how difficult things are right now. It sounds like you need some ‘me’ time, which is really important.
Are you able to leave your partner on his own for awhile? If so start planning activities to do when the Lockdown ends eg meeting up with friends, joining local group activities etc.
You are not selfish at all, you need to start putting yourself first sometimes.
It’s about taking back control over your life.
Don’t “keep trying to be strong”. Get more help. Just a rough outline of health issues would help.
Hello Jackie and welcome. I am sure we have all felt resentful and lonely in our time. We all handle it differently. If I get days like this I just don’t deal with anything like form filling, phonecalls, emails etc because it just stresses me even more. I might have a walk, read a book or phone a friend.
Like most people on here I miss the simple things in life like meeting friends for coffee, charity shops (funny how we all love those!) and just having a drive. I also just miss going for a pub meal with my husband on impulse.
This last year has been the most stressful ever for me and looks like it will be for a long time yet so I don’t try and do too much unless it’s a good day.
Vent on here, I do that. It helps get it off my chest.
Hopefully things will be getting better sooner for you and for everyone else what with the lockdown coming to an end.