Just don't know what to do anymore, I feel like all the services are useless

I agree with your query to Thara BB.
Was curious so checked the lady magazine. Salary for one live in carer stated 25 to 30k per year. That is more than some of the nursing homes and they are expensive as you know

Yeah I definitely couldn’t afford anywhere near that. I don’t even get that as my salary

After assessing mum’s care needs, Social Services have to do a financial assessment to see if mum has over £23,000 in savings. If not, they will pay for some or all of her care. No relative is ever expected to pay for care.

Yeah I get you. It was more a statement about costs. I don’t think the local council would pay for a live in carer, nor would mum want one.

Tonight mum is really stressing me out. She has her bail meeting tomorrow. There is speculation that she will be let off as due a lack of evidence since the police need strong evidence to convict someone. There is now a counter investigation about him and what he did to her.

However, mum has decided to go to the pub tonight and is very tipsy. I have just shouted down the phone at her whilst she was in tears. I keep telling her to stop this. But she keeps saying “I was hurt.” I get she is hurt but so many other people have too. I originally called her to tell her about the clocks. She was very emotional and I told her this is what drinking whilst upset does to you.

I don’t think she is an alcoholic, I just think she is pushing her limits. I know that is a very fine line, but I think she’s been more destructive and seeking attention from drinking rather than depending on it. She’s using alcohol to say look at me I am hurt, I also think she may be laying it on thick about how much she is drinking and acting out. However, she just doesn’t understand. Her world evolved around my dad.

I’ve just had enough of her mental health problems really. I also think there is alot of agism when it comes to her care. Because she is a 56 year old woman who lost her husband, it’s not seen as serious as a 86 year old loosing their husband. She has just lost it really. She is trying to bridge the gap of my dad, but it’s not happening. I will never ever bridge that gap myself and I have accepted it. I don’t think she is strong willed enough to come to terms with my dads death at all. However there seems to be something absent.

I hate to press on about social services, but I don’t think they are being practical enough. It’s one thing to identify an action plan as I was told last week, but they have made no attempts to speak to mum about it. It is now clear that mum is responding to care plans and enjoys her carers coming. She also likes speaking to the domestic abuse worker. I also think that mental health is not being taken seriously enough.

Mum also told me on the phone that she really loves her carers, great. I think a review may be in order to extend the care if it is having an impact on her.


I think she’s doing it to get you home again.
In a way, getting you to badger Social Services could be part of the same thing, she’s getting you to do things for her, which in her unusual mind might be seen as a result in itself. Turn your phone off!

Could you buy a new SIM card, different number, just to keep in contact with work and others. Not to be given out to your mother and others involved.


If your job requires you to have a facebook account to monitor other people, then it should have an invisible users’ group of which you are a member. This can be done. I am a member of such a group. Close your existing Facebook account, get your Mum to close hers, and get onto your employer about being a member of an invisible group.