In Laws and dementia

Hi All

My wife’s parents live locally and are fortunate to still have eachother at a very advanced age of 87 and 88 respectively. However, their state of health is rapidly deteriorating.

My Father in Law has dementia and is prone to fits of depression. He is also diabetic and gets very easily confused with his dosing, so we are subject to frequent call outs at all times of the day in order to assist. He is not mobile and never goes out…

My Mother in law has recently been diagnosed as having dementia too, though she has not been told as such, as we are concerned that this knowledge will trigger ever more psychotic (diagnosed) and depressive reactions. She has also recently had major heart surgery.

They do not really help eachother at all… Neither are mobile and we do all their care in person; shopping, house keeping, takeaway runs, garden care, laundry, prescription runs, doctors and hospital appointments. There is no assistance from my wife’s siblings who are happy to try and direct and criticise but do nothing helpful. They have also moved a fair distance away, leaving everything on the shoulders of my wife, who is beginning to show the strain…

We easily meet the 35 hour per week carer’s responsibilities. Do you fellow carers believe we have a case to claim. Any other advice would also be appreciated. We are experiencing very torrid times, not helped with the Covid situation too!!

Welcome to the forum.

All four of our parents had significant problems, lived locally, other siblings didn’t help, so I know how you feel!
To help us give some advice so you can get your own lives back, I’ll first ask a few questions.

Does you wife have Power of Attorney for her parents?
Do they own or rent their home?
Do they have over £46,000 in savings (the cut off for Social Services help).

Are they resistant to outside help?
Does your wife provide mainly help with cleaning etc. or is it more emotional help?
From what you describe, they are probably both entitled to exemption from Council Tax due to “severe mental impairment”.
They are probably both entitled to Attendance Allowance too.