Struggling with my father-in-law
My husband and I live with his parents and are their full time carers. Both have had their memory clinic appointments recently but have been showing signs of dementia for about 2years now.
My FIL also has Parkinson’s and is about stage 3/4 he is 85 but thinks he is still working, able to drive and do all the things he used to do 20 years ago.
It’s very sad as he is so surprised when he is reminded that he is 85 we have to remind him rather than play along as he gets extremely aggressive and agitated and wants to do all these things he used to do. He tries to get up and is at risk of falling, becomes verbally abusive to his wife. When he has an episode and gets something in his head for example tonight he was convinced his wife has told him they were going to a wedding today (not aware it is the evening) and that they needed to get ready now or they would be late! It is so exhausting if it’s not him it’s my MIL believing something or getting stroppy and having a sulk Feeling tired out by it all. It’s been a year and a half since my husband have up his job and career and we sold our home to be with them. Not sure if I’m asking for advice think I’m just ranting. Thank you in advance for reading 
Just a few questions to start with.
How old are they?
Claiming Attendance Allowance each?
Claiming Council Tax Exemption?
How old are you? Any brothers or sisters?
Power of Attorney?
Do they own or rent their house?
Do they have over £46,000 jointly? That’s the cut off for Social Services care.
Hi,
•They are 85 and 86
•FIL is claiming Attendance Allowance but not MIL yet as she is not yet been diagnosed.
•not yet claiming Council Tax Exemption until we have Dementia diagnosis in place.
•my husband is 57, 58 in January I’m 54
•Husband is an only child
• they are home owners and will be self funders.
• the way the solicitor set it up they are POA to each other with my husband as a step in when one of them cannot be there for the other one in whatever capacity.
Dear Kate_21051
Hi. Ii am so sorry to hear that you have problems with your mil and fil and that both have had their memory clinics and have their health problems. It must be so hard for you in dealing with the stresses they put you and your husband through obviously not intentionally. I hope you will find this Forum useful, helpful and beneficial in your caring role. I am sure other carers will be able to help you out.
You and your husband in your caring roles are not alone. We are sure that many on here will understand exactly how you feel and can offer you support. Caring can be a very lonely job and the pandemic has made caring responsibilities challenging as many carers have been socially restricted and unable to attend social groups etc that is if you had the time to socialize.
Carers UK are running online weekly meet-ups for carers and you can find the information on how to register at Care For A Cuppa:-https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/get-support/online-meet-ups. There is also a weekly online meet-up called Share and Learn:-Share and Learn | Carers UK.
Carers UK also have a telephone number you can ring up which is available Monday-Friday 9am-6pm which is 0808 808 7777. There is an email address you can write to and that is (advice@carersuk.org.).
They provide information and guidance to unpaid carers. This covers:-
-Benefits And Financial Support
-Your Rights As A Carer In The Workplace
-Carers Assessments And How To Get Support In Your Caring Role
-Services Available To Carers And The People You Care For
-How To Complain Effectively And Challenge Decisions.
I hope all this will be beneficial and helpful for you.
Best Wishes
Kristie
Dear Kate_21051
That should say at the beginning of the message:- I - I am sorry for the spelling error.
Best Wishes
Kristie
Thank you so much for your reply, support and advice