Hi, Ive just joined the forum. Im a 31 year old woman, got two kids and a partner and since October my family has moved in with my 77 year old father in order to take care of him. He has dementia and was a hoarder before, so we had to gut the house and start over when he was in hospital with delirium. It was his idea after many years of refusing help, so we obliged and Im grateful for a secure home however, its been really tough, giving up work, holidays, socialising etc. I feel so lonely and none of his other kids give a sh*t to be honest, everything is down to me. I didnt realise how emotionally gruelling this would be, and how detrimental it is on my mental health. I feel stuck as I cant cope with the idea of putting him into care. We were alwats close and of course I love him dearly… But I find myself increasingly more resentful and I find caring for him deeply upsetting. Sometimes I feel suicidal, and other times I function but barely. I think im depressed and Im struggling to enjoy anything I used to. There are so many people in so much worse situations, I feel guilty for even complaining. I guess Im just putting this out here to get it off my chest.
Welcome to the forum, shame you didn’t find us before the move.
What has happened to your former home?
I don’t want to bombard you, but there’s a lot to think about.
Do you have Power of Attorney? Are you his DWP Appointee? Who is managing his money?
Does he have over £23,000 in savings?
Is he claiming Attendance Allowance) If not, make this top priority, then you qualify for Carers Allowance.
From the day he was diagnosed with dementia, he was EXEMPT from Council Tax.
Does he own or rent the house?
Has he had a Needs Assessment from Social Services?
Have they done a Carers Assessment for you?
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/get-support/local-support
There is lots of help you just need to know where to find it. What you are feeling is upsetting but very common. Many on here know how you situation can effect you. You did what you thought was right at the time.
What ages are your children?
Hello Mossyface
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been having a really difficult time since you and your family moved in with your father.
As well as the helpful suggestions from other members, I have also sent you an email with some further suggestions of support that you could access.
Wishing you and your family well
Michael