I have a hidden safe in my room, with a camera and security sensors on the doors so any movement in my room when I am not there sets my phone off so so I can check the camera.
When she says go home she clearly means she her home now. Nan thinks she going to me mobile again. Even with physio because of her age if she does improve it be very limited and still need two carers.
If Nan does need residential care in the end, if the family and myself feel current arrangements not working or difficult. How can we approach this with social services if she still saying she wants to stay home?
Nan is going to have the maximum amount of care that Social Services will arrange at home, 4 visits, doubled up staff.
If this doesn’t work, then residential is the only option left.
It’s therefore really important that you stand back and don’t keep filling gaps in care. If nan has a fall, you must not pick her up, but call the ambulance. Have Social Services arranged a Lifeline for her, so she can call for help in an emergency. I do hope so, BUT you cannot be the first number they call, the call centre must have the number of either Social Services or the care agency.
When giving this sort of advice, I have been described by others that it makes me sound very “hard”. Please don’t think this of me. I cared for my mum for well over 30 years, as well as my son with severe learning difficulties, my dad when he was ill, and my husband’s parents.
My own health and well being was ruined forever, no one ever worried about me!
I am very concerned that your life doesn’t make you become a casualty in all of this.
Caring has to be a balance between the life of the person you are caring for, and your own life.
Always remember that a friend of mine cared for his mum until she died at the age of 104, by which time he was too old to realise many of his own dreams.
Nan has link line which has my number and my aunts number. But her link line if pressed, they will send out responders to her. So maybe I will have to stand back if at work and only attend if it was needed to take her to hospital.
Yes. As you have an aunt, is she in a position to offer more care to nan?
She is same position as me such as work. She also has back problems. Any lifting of my Nan is out of the question.
NEITHER of you should be doing any lifting! Please don’t lift Nan, there are too many carers with bad backs. If she falls, call the ambulance or the carers.
I need to contact district nursing tomorrow regarding Nan. Can I ask them regarding a dementia assessment?
They should be able to talk to the GP about this. This should have been by the hospital before discharge!
Will they do home visits to assess her as she is now completely housebound. ?
I would certainly endorse that, Luke. It is not a case of whether you feel strong enough; as a young man you very probably are. Elderly people have a frail, weakening bone structure. Pulling on them during lifting can cause a sprain, or in worse case, a dislocation. Ambulance teams have the equipment and know-how to deal with this. Leave it to them.
So worried about her at the moment. She is constantly repeating herself.
She has her carers that deal with her 4 times a day but then after they go, she asks me who got me dressed and put me in my chair. She doesn’t remember them coming.
She keeps asking same questions…
She keeps also saying that she is fed up.
Have you spoken to the care manager, to see whether or not she thinks it is safe for nan to be left alone? If she doesn’t remember being dressed etc. she is incredibly vulnerable. “Vulnerable adult” is a “buzz word” for Social Services by the way.
Why does nan say she is “fed up”?
Is she fed up with being old and infirm, which would be understandable, I am fed up that I can’t do at 68 what I could do at 18!
Or is there something specific troubling her?
Are the carers doing any laundry, leaving nan’s bedroom, kitchen and bathroom clean and tidy?
The carers are very good. They leave the place tidy and wash up after each use of the kitchen. The only thing I do, which I said I would and don’t mind is laundry.
I think she is fed up because she spends all day in her chair. She has linkline around her neck. And a phone next to her.
She still saying she doesn’t want to go in a home.
I spoke to her dr on the phone today about memory. He going to get district nursing to visit for some bloods to be done.
Carers write in a log book on each visit, and I believe they are feeding back to there office.
I am going to work tomorrow, do I just go?
I can’t afford to give up work nor I want to.
Luke
Presumably she has a falls detector on the gadget she wears round her neck?, if so that should offer peace of mind?
And would she push the button if she needed help?
Yes Luke, you have to look after yourself and your own future and career.
It’s an economic necessity, you will never catch up again if you leave now.
When the “Guilt Monster” starts creeping around, remember that you are doing far, far more than the average grandson.
But honestly don’t know how long I can do it for?
She has link line around her neck but genuinely I don’t think she would think to press it if there was a problem.
Luke, you have to go to work. If there is a problem the carers and Social Services have to sort it out.
Depending on what type it is, she may not have to press it. My wife wears one around her neck - it senses quick drops and the resultant sudden arrests of such drops and phones the help line.
It can also just be pressed manually, and often is when my wife leans on something like the edge of a table! It does have a “Cancel” button on the base unit, but they will call and check if you cancel a couple of false alarms in the space of a few minutes.
The auditory range on the unit is phenomenal, they can easily talk to a person who is on the floor in a different room.
Hi Luke,
I was in a similar position with my mum.
First things first, DO NOT give your job up. This will be your lifeline as time goes by. Sadly, you can’t make nan well and if she has dementia, she will get worse. Also, and I had to learn this with my mum, you can’t make her happy. Any dementia assessment can be done at home; all my mum’s visits were at home. They would be arranged by the GP in the first instance.
If four care visits a day are not enough and it sounds as if they are not, nan will need to go into a nursing home. NB, a nursing home, not a care home as you need to find a home which will look after her until the very end of her life. I know how difficult it is when you are working but if you can get any holiday, unpaid leave etc, use that time to visit nursing homes and see which one you would like nan in.
You then have to harrass Social Services and tell them that you and nan cannot cope, cannot continue etc etc and that she needs to be in a nursing home. Social Services will do a financial assessment to see if nan has to pay anything towards her care.
Incidentally, worth checking with Carers UK Helpline if nan is getting all the benefits she is entitled to. In my mum’s case I used her Attendance Allowance to pay for a gardener and cleaner. It meant that between carer visits, someone else was coming into the house while I was at work. I also paid for a dementia sitter, someone to visit twice a week, from Age UK.
I wish you luck, a very difficult time. Anne