YES!
Make it very clear that she must now go into residential care.
Ring the equipment service to take the bed away.
Make a written formal complaint to the hospital headed FAILED DISCHARGE.
Insist on a full NHS Continuing Healthcare Assessment.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, you are going to have to get very, very tough.
Hello again, Luke. I am sorry you have had so much trauma over the last few days, but at least Nan is back where she will be better cared for. It also goes in your favour that the hospital has been seen to be in error in discharging, rather than you refusing to accept the discharge against its advice.
We are looking towards a move to a care home. During this lockdown, many care homes are reluctant to take new admissions, even if they have vacancies. A care home in which a relative of mine is resident has stated that any new admissions must be backed by a Covid-19 test, certifying them to be free.
So although you say that Nan has had it, make sure a test gets done, to avoid a possible hurdle to admission to a care home. It has been known for people to catch the virus a second time.
What do I do if my Nan is saying she wants to go home ? They gonna take her answer?
When myself and family don’t think it’d right nor safe.
You MUST insist that after the “failed discharge” she has an NHS Continuing Healthcare Assessment that involves you and the family.
From now on think about what Nan NEEDS.
No one WANTS to go into residential care, but she needs someone on hand 24/7.
What are you going to do when she says she has soiled herself in the middle of the night??? Also remember that this may be as good as she ever gets, from now on she will probably get more frail by the day until she dies. Sad, but true. If you ever want a life of your own, you must fight this battle with your family backing you up. Or leave the house.
What is a nhs continuing assessment ?
It’s NHS CONTINUING HEALTHCARE ASSESSMENT.
Google this for lots more info. If she qualifies, it’s all the care she needs for the rest of her life arranged and funded by the NHS, either hat home or residential care.
Luke - what transpired when you phoned? Would you like to summarise it for us?
The “bottom line” is that you cannot be forced to care for Nan. You have your own life to lead.
A friend of mine cared for his disabled mum until she was 104, by which time he was too old himself to realise his dreams.
I never realised many of mine either, caring for my mum since 1976, plus my son who is brain damaged.
If you want a career, a wife, kids, to travel, then you must stick up for yourself. Even if you are not normally pushy or rude, you may well have to be very pushy, and very, very assertive to sort this out, but your life and your future are at stake.
Just spoke to ward.
With the temperature she has, it’s possible she wasn’t Covid free or it’s the infection. Still awaiting what the infection is. Told that because it’s bank holiday they just have on call dr I need to call monday.
Regarding Nhs assessment who would I ask for that? Doctor? Physio? Social services when they call?
Because of a Covid possibility and her still maybe having it. I suppose I have to isolate again.
You tell the hospital discharge nurse that they must now do the CHC Assessment. Don’t ask them to do it.
Ask why they didn’t do it in the first place, because the rules state that until it’s done they should not have involved Social Services!
Yes, I’m afraid you will have to isolate until the results of the tests are known.
They might want you to “ring Monday” but you don’t have to!
Have a look at Carers UK main site and search for “hospital discharges”.
A book I would recommend, and I think could help you, is “When I say ‘no’ I feel guilty”, by Manuel J Smith, published by Bantam, ISBN 0-553-20977-9. It gives very good advice on how to express yourself firmly, calmly and assertively. It was first published quite a while ago but seems to be still available from bookshops and you know where.
My concern is that yes I be pushy and assertive with them on the phone.
But I can’t visit or talk to her, so if she expressing to them that she wants to return home.
Then what do I do? Because they said before and they probably say again that she has capacity to make them choices.
Another point that was rose about just sending her equipment back. I feel awful if I did that and they discharged her still. No bed for her or commode then:
They have a legal duty to ensure that, wherever she is being discharged to, it is a SAFE DISCHARGE.
That is the top priority.
You need to email them, not speak to them on the phone, when they can later deny all knowledge of what they said!!
Keep saying, over and over again, that she now needs a FULL NHS CONTINUING HEALTHCARE ASSESSMENT.
Please believe me, this is what you need to do. Just say it over and over and over again. This includes
A full physiotherapy assessment
A full occupational therapy assessment
A carers assessment - you CANNOT be forced to care.
If she doesn’t have the ability to care for herself, and she still insists on going home, then her capacity for making decisions is fundamentally flawed.
[my emboldening]
Yes, this is one of the techniques described in the book I recommended - broken record.
See my post in Tips and Practical Advice / Useful books etc., for a fuller review.
Correct me if I am wrong…but did I read that due to the Cornovirus Act, continuing health care assessments now do not have to be done prior to a patient leaving hospital… whereas before they did.
I don’t have time to double check that however I am pretty sure I read that.
If this is so, it would put more onus on families to care.
I asked the ward to get the doctor to call me when he finished ward round.
Hello, Luke, we haven’t heard from you for a while. How are things going?
Sorry for the delayed response. I been so busy.
So nans discharge went ahead but later then planned. She was discharged yesterday. Her package of carer is 2 people 4 time’s a day. And according to the carers I spoke to yesterday they will be the regular ones.
Nan isn’t very mobile.
Her memory has deteriorated a lot she remembers me. But she keeps asking same questions. But she seems to be adamant and was in the hospital that she wants to come home.,
Carers came this morning, got her up cleaned and washed her dress breakfast etc:,
While they did this. I went to shops before they got busy.
Nan doesn’t remember them coming…
Myself and family in the process of doing POA.
I gonna try and manage, but I need to work full time. I am concerned about going to work tomorrow. Do I just go? Leave it to carers or do I stay off.?
YES, Luke, this is the “sink or swim” time for Nan, and I know it’s hard, terribly hard, but you simply must do it. Presumably the carers can get into the house when you are not there?
Do you have a lock on your bedroom door? Be sure to lock it when you go to work.
Does Nan have any valuables? Do not leave those where the carers will see or find them.
This too, is tough. My mum lost all sorts of things, but had also put some things in crazy places.
The carers should leave the place clean and tidy, with everything put away, especially in the kitchen.
If you come home to find they haven’t done this, then you must take photographs as evidence.
If nan cannot manage on her own, then I’m afraid the only option left is residential care.
Does nan still say she wants to go “home” now she is back with you?
Some people talk of “home” as being home with their parents, the home they lived in 70 years ago.