I need some help - so so worried

I need some help and advice please.

I am all new to this.

My Nan of 89 years old who I live with has had a fall which broke her right hip. Cause by her left knee giving way, the left knee has done this before but never cause a accident this bad until now. The knee can’t be operated on but is supported with a brace.

She been in hospital for nearly two months with plans to discharge her home this week.

A once mobile person, will now be very limited in her mobility or even bed bound.

Before this all, she became incontinent and had hearing problems. Her hearing got so bad that now she finds hearing aids don’t work. And yes she had them replaced.

She also prone to falling.

She going to be discharged home with carer coming 4 times a day to wake her up, feed, wash and put her to bed. Something I can’t do because of my working Patten.

She is very forgetful and repeats herself. I don’t know if that’s dementia or just a sign of old age.

I don’t know if I gonna be able to cope but I give it a few weeks, I going to to ask the council to assess her needs with the possibility of her going into a care home. What’s the process, how does it work and what’s the likelyhood of the council agreeing with me and helping?

It would be better to discuss the care home. Before leaving hospital and if you are thinking of a care home. Don’t have her home from hospital. It will be much harder getting her moved to a care home. Particularly, given the current climate in social care.

Plus if there is an element of possible confusion. One move is better than two. Mum assessment must take place in hospital.

There is a detailed procedure the hospital should be following to make sure it is a SAFE DISCHARGE. Has anyone been to the home to see what she will be able to do? Spoken to you?
Whose home is it?
You CANNOT be forced to care. The time has come, because of her great age that she needs to Bevin a nursing home with care available round the clock, if carers are going to be there for 2 hours a day that leaves you for the other 22!

Who owns nan’s home? This is really important, if it’s rented you might be expected to leave if she goes into long term care!

Has this been fully explained to you and your Nan?

It’s called “Reablement Care”, and is provided free for up to six weeks, after that it may have to be paid for, depending on your Nan’s financial circumstances.

The other thing to note is that the times of the visits can be very haphazard. They will not guarantee a time of visit. The first visit of the day can be anywhere between 7:00 am and 11:30 am, when my wife had it, the visits were usually at a sensible time, (bearing in mind that I gave her breakfast and the carers only came to wash and dress her) but they did actually range from 7:30 - 11:15 over the period of six weeks.

The two visits in the middle of the day we very soon stopped as they were more trouble than they were worth.

The last visit of the day, which is to put the caree to bed won’t be any later than 9:00pm and could be as early as 7:30 pm, which may suit some people, but not many.

When the six weeks free period is finished, if your Nan then has to pay, they still won’t give a time for the visits, it can, and will be just as haphazard.

Nan was at a hospital. Then moved to another hospital which was for 6 weeks to help with mobility. It will never ever be like before,

I mentioned about it being a unsafe discharge. But they disagreed.

The social services keep saying that she never had home carers before so they need to try that.

I know it won’t work.

It’s making me depressed and physically sick.

Luke, I had the same fight over my mum’s care. You are going to have to be tough, VERY tough. No more Mr. Nice Guy.
I know just how awful this is,I’ll never forget.
Insist on an NHS continuing
Healthcare Assessment before she goes anywhere. Read up on this today.
Where do they think she is going to sleep? Does she have an upstairs bedroom?
Has anyone been to the house to see if it is suitable?

Can I ask where your parents are? Is there anyone to back you up?
How old are you?

You still haven’t said who owns the house??

Parents have sadly passed years ago.

I am 27 and full time worker.

My Nan rents but I been told by the housing association that should she move I can apply for succession.

The community hospital where she is at the moment have come to do a inspection and have delivered a commode, and a hospital bed.

They plan to fit a link line.

And will discharge tomorrow.

Luke, I feel for you (but I know that doesn’t help).
I agree with Bowlingbun, you have to try to be tough, I know from experience that is really hard sometimes, especially if the Caree wants to come home.
But you need help, PROPER help, not just Carers that flit in and out and spend half the allotted time helping.
It is incredibly hard, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally too, looking after somebody.
You have already been very dedicated and caring.
I wish you well and I hope everything works out for the best for you.

Hello Luke, welcome to the forum.

I would suggest giving our helpline a ring on 0808 808 7777, it’s open on weekdays 9-6. They’ll be able to talk you through your options and entitlements and give you some idea of what you can expect.

I’m sorry to hear about your Nan, this must be a difficult time for you. Try and look after your own well being too though.

Best wishes


Luke - I feel very, very sorry for you in this predicament. Even sorrier that there is little I can do to help in practical terms.

Your nan is 89, has a knee that can’t be repaired, is deaf and sounds as though she is suffering from dementia. She needs to be in a care home, that’s that. You have your job and career to attend to. You simply have not the time to give her the care she needs and deserves.

So they have already delivered a bed and commode. It is a pity that you made this delivery available but too late for that now. You must prevent your nan from being returned home to you - even if that means you are at work all day and the house is locked. Make it clear to the hospital that the line of least resistance is not palming your nan back to you.

As you have been advised, ring the carers’ helpline. They can advise much better than I can how to deal with this. And as Bowlingbun says, you must be very tough. This is in your nan’s best interest as well as yours.

Best wishes and let us know how it goes.

A very difficult time.
Is there a discharge liaison nurse involved? You could also try to slow things a little by writing why you think discharge is unsafe and give the reasons why.
About your Nan Is she able to make that decision for herself or is she too confused? You could request a Capacity Assessment and if deemed not to be able to make this decision there will need to ne a Best Interests Decision meeting. Has your Nan ever said about what she wants if she cannot manage?
They will have to look at carers in the home as it is the least restrictive option, but it must be a reasonable option.
It helps if you have someone to support you as professionals can bully you for want of a better word.
You must be true to yourself as only you live with yourself 24/7
I hope things work out for you
Take Care

Luke, have they arranged food or meals for Nan?
Have you been told which care agency will be providing the care, met the manager, been given a timetable of when they are coming etc.etc.

You CAN still get this discharge cancelled tomorrow but you need to get very firm/angry/assertive, or they will walk all over you.
Has the bed been made, the air mattress been adjusted, etc. etc.
Have they done the Continuing Healthcare Assessment yet? If you don’t know, then it hasn’t, or hasn’t been done properly, as you should be involved.
Get angry with them, turn on the tears, ring the Chief Executive of the Hospital where she is and INSIST on a delay.

Make no mistake, once she is discharged, all the things they have promised will be forgotten about by the hospital. All they want is their bed back.

Luke, on one occasion mum was discharged against my wishes. No one listened to me. 12 hours later, at 7am my phone rang. It was the carer. So concerned about mum she had called an ambulance and she was readmitted. If nan comes home, this may happen to her too. It is not your fault. You must go to work. Incidentally, have they fitted a key safe so staff can get in???

I been so busy that I haven’t replied but this is what’s happened.

She home in her chair.

She not mobile but she has a frame, she been mobile a bit at the hospital. I think she tired tonight.

Waiting for Enablement team to help her get into bed. The Enablement team will come for up to 4 time’s a week for 6 weeks to see how she can get mobile. They won’t just wait on her hand and foot but try and help her do things herself if possible. After 6 weeks they will review it. Either it stops because she has improved or she Be assed for a full care package of carers or a care home. Care home I think most likely.

Maybe she tired, but her memory doesn’t seem good she keeps forgetting that’s she asked me things, I mean her memory wasn’t good at first but this seems down hill.

If things don’t got the plan, how do I speak to her about possible care Home, I know things are hard with Covid, are they still admitting. My Nan has Covid while she was in hospital: obviously caught it there. Other then a increased temp for a day and tired that was it. Thank god.

I was going to start a log, of things she does and how long it takes her and if she manages and what time carers come so i present this if she has a assessment.

After 6 weeks of the Enablement team does it lead to a care need assessment or is that something I have to organise?


A log sounds like a very good idea…it will add up to a lot more hours than you think and can be presented to the social worker and then it can go to panel.

Can I just check if the reablement team are coming 4 times a day, or 4 times a week?

First she should have an NHS Continuing Care Assessment, then, and only then, they should ask Social Services to do an assessment, before the 6 weeks is up, so there is a seamless handover.

You must step back and let the carers do everything, hard as it is. Has a key safe been sorted out?

4 times a day. If there is improvement it could decrease. But I don’t see what happening somehow.

Key safe and Linkline Telecare all installed today.

I still have to work, my worry is do I leave work for her if Linkline call or do I ignore and let them deal with it?

You must tell link line NOT to call you during working hours, but to ring the Reablement team. Be strong and very firm.


Totally agree with BB…

The last thing you would want is to start leaving work every time there’s a call .

You could end up caring 24/7 like a lot if us on here.

You are only 27, you need to retain what independence you have for your own sanity.


Returned to hospital this evening.

She could not weight bare and was unable to move from chair to commode successfully.

999 was called on enablement care team advice.

She had a raised temp on there arrival and so obviously Ppe was put in place. She had Covid in hospital a good few weeks again which she recovered so don’t think it’s that.

Possible uTI.

Can I refuse discharge even if she actively says she wants to go home?