Hi, my name is Paul and I have been a live in carer for my 76 year old mother and my grandmother for the past 17 years. Sadly my grandmother passed away 10 years ago. Whaterver life I had before becoming a carer dissapeared along with friends and other family members after the first few years and this has since become a sloitary existence which at times has taken me to the edge of my sanity. This is a 24/7 caring commitment and my mother is basicallly bed-bound. Over the last year she has had extra care with a half hour daily visit to help with her personal hygene as that is something I cannot do. Originally my mother was an chronic alcholic and to be honest these were the hardest years for me. She managed to overcome this about 5 years ago. She has had many falls and undergone 3 broken hip ops and half hip replacements, she is no longer mobile and remains in bed apart from hopital trips. She has COPD, Diabetes, and cancer of the congue and throat, she is currrently on a course of auto-immune therapy. I try not to think about the her passing and how that would impact me as it causes too much worry and stress. As we have been living in rented property, if anything were to happen to her I would basically be jobless, homeless and car-less with no friends and family support…This is a very frightening thought and to be honest it has been grinding me down for a while now and something I cannot help but think about…to the point where here I am desperately seeking advice. I am unsure what or if there is anything I can do to try and plan for this event should it happen and any advice would be most welcome, many thanks. Paul
Paul, you need to confront the housing situation without delay.
Who owns the property?
Privately rented, housing association, or council?
What is your grandmother’s financial situation?
Does she have over £23,000 in savings? (Yes/No).
Mum should have a Needs Assessment from Social Services as soon as possible.
They should also do a Carers Assessment for you, to look at what support you need yourself.
Totally agree with Bowlingbun, you need an assessment done urgently. Have you looked into a local carers group, your local GP should have details of this and they can assist. You should have access to help through your local Social Services as well though some is means tested. My poor father had this problem when Mum was being assessed for Dementia and they fell outside of locally provided care and had to pay for a few hours a week for Dad to have a break.
You need to have time for respite yourself your local care group should be able to advise you and consult your doctor too.