New to the forum

Hi. Sorry if this seems like a rant but I need to offload and it seems that this is a forum to let me do this.

I have my 79 year old mum living in a bungalow near by and have spent the last 8 months on a never ending rollercoaster of her falling - going in hospital - being sent home - falling - being in hospital for 14 weeks waiting for a hip replacement - going home - falling and so on and so on. A total of 8 falls and 4 periods in hospital.

She is home again (we went a week without falls) but last night the personal alarm went and my husband had to go round and get her back into bed. I work full time, so he takes the responsibility during the week and I do the weekends. She has carers 3 times during the day and we have been told by the Occupational Therapist that she is physically capable of getting herself around the bungalow providing she uses her frame. The problem is that when she comes home her sodium levels drop and she becomes confused and disorientated even though we makes sure that she has food with a high salt content.

I feel that we are heading for another spell in hospital. I am at my wits end. Mum wants daily visits (although I tend to only get there every other day due to work). I am an only child so all the responsibility falls on me. After last night’s fall I am feeling so low. If I had the chance i would pack my bags and go as far away from the situation as possible. But I know I could never leave mum.

Her mental capacity is also now being checked because she has periods of memory loss and absences and her whole character has changed and she is now very bitter, selfish and manipulative (but that’s another story).

Thank you to anyone reading this. Just writing it down makes me feel a little better.

Hi Yvette and welcome
There’s many on here who will understand only too well, but I doubt any will still be up and responding now.
My own Mum is 97 and a residential home. Her falls have been caused by TIAs, transient ischemic attacks, like a mini stroke. Has your mum been checked for these, or has any other cause for the falls been identified?

It does sound like the time for residential care is approaching. No ones fault, some just need more help than one or 2 family alone can give.

Personally we are very happy Mum is in residential, we know she is safe, warm, fed. We get to visit without the hassle of the day to day tasks.

Have you looked in to it at all? Would she be self funding i.e. over £23250 in savings/property?

More tomorrow I’m sure

Ranting is fine, as is venting, moaning and raging :smiley:

Hi Yvette, welcome to the forum,

It is definitely time for mum to have some proper investigations into these falls. Can I ask if she stands straight, or bent?

The last seven years of my own mum’s life was similar to your mum’s. Mum lived 6 miles away. It took a huge toll on me and my family, especially as I had a son with severe learning difficulties to care for, and a business to run to make ends meet. (I’m widowed).

You and your husband should not be picking mum up.

If mum falls, especially now she has a hip replacement, she should be checked over by paramedics before she is moved. Ask the Lifeline to call the ambulance when she falls.

Her doctor will be notified of their visits, and take the situation more seriously than you saying about her falls.
It might make mum more cautious about what she does too, if she knows the ambulance will be called.

Towards the end of her life, my mum was admitted to hospital by ambulance, and I had to cut a holiday with my son short, because the hospital wouldn’t talk to me about her condition on the phone!! They soon said she was ready for discharge, when I knew they hadn’t even seen her walk - she needed a Zimmer frame left in her hall at home. I insisted that she had an NHS Continuing Healthcare Assessment, much to the irritation of the Discharge Nurse. The assessment of the physio and OT was that mum should never be allowed to even try to walk ever again. She was bent and her spine kept crushing the nerves to her legs, and her legs gave way. For the rest of her life she had to be hoisted with two nurses.

Make sure you have a small bag with basic essentials for an emergency admission permanently packed and ready.

hi all just joined im a carer thought i just mention and like to get this of my chest ,i care for my disabled sister for the last 3 years ,before that i gave up work to take care of my dad who had multiple melanoma he passed away and i took over the reigns with my sister ,when i asked my sisters social worker to do a carers assessment on my-self to save guard my sister -just in case anything happened to myself -she started doing the paperwork she stopped half way thro and said that she hates filling in forms and that i could do it later and tried to convince my sister to go into a residential unit,so much for helping to help her live a independent life the social services well being act 2016- what a load of rubbish its a joke,

Gareth, that’s just not good enough. What LA is this? I know Hampshire, where I live, decided to use unqualified staff with little or not training, which caused uproar in certain quarters. One parent was asked when her son “caught” Down’s Syndrome!!

You have a RIGHT to a Carers Assessment. Is she doesn’t like doing the paperwork, then insist that they send someone who can do it properly! You should have a written copy of this and your sister should have a copy of her Needs Assessment.

Can I ask how old your sister is, the nature of her disability, and how much care she needs?