I need advice from those who have been here

I am caregiver to a family member. She is forgetful and often can’t repeat what she just said. Sometimes yes is really no and no can be yes, you just to have to figure it out. She doesn’t want to bathe or wash her hair. It is difficult to get her to drink enough water which leads to constipation. She recognizes her grandchildren but has trouble recalling their names. On the dementia F.A.S.T. scale she seems to land into level 6, but not all of the way in. I understand she will need to be in level 7 before hospice will help. I think when the test results come back she will be diagnosed with vascular dementia. I know no two people will deteriorate at the same rate or in exactly the same pattern, but could you give me some idea of what to expect and how long the stages will last before the next level. Thank you for reading my frazzled description.

Hi Sandra

As you realise no two people present the same with dementia - although there are some similarities. Equally the time between each downward turn will vary from person to person. The best advice I can offer is for you to check out the Alzheimer’s website - they cover all forms of dementia not just Alzheimer’s.

I found my local branch very helpful when I was caring for my Mum who had Alzheimer’s.

Hi Sandra, welcome to the forum.

If someone needs a lot of help with daily living, regardless of diagnosis, they should get that help.

Under £23,000 in savings then Social Services will pay for some or all of that care, over that amount then their money should be used to pay for that care themselves. It’s cheaper in the long run than residential care.

If you’d like to tell us a bit more about yourself, and your relationship with the person concerned, we might be able to offer a few suggestions.
She should be entitled to Attendance Allowance and exemption to Council Tax - neither are means tested.

Hi Sandra,

welcome to the forum.

If your username is your real name, please change it to protect your and your family member’s identity.


You need some assistance from the local council.
I had some paid for carers come and sit with my wife, to give me some time off.
Also a volunteer to take her out for a couple of hours, which she enjoyed and again I got a break to go shopping etc.