Personal care for my mother

Hi everyone
I am carer for my 83 year old mother who has vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s. She is now struggling with her personal care, particularly toilet.
But refuses to let me in to help, has anyone got any advice on how to deal with this. Thanks Neil

Hi Neil, welcome to the forum.

I don’t have experience of caring for someone with vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s but others on here do; I’m sure they’ll be along.

Your mother may be more willing to accept help from care workers (they often wear a uniform, so look the part). Has you mother had a needs assessment and does she receive care visits?

Hi Neil welcome to the forum, as melly said others can help with the dementia part. Does your mum see a dementia nurse or go to a clinic? If she does raise the issue with and they should help sort out extra care.
Also contact the GP and tell them and they will get some one like a practice nurse or district nurse to do assessments, also it worth having a free visit by the fire service who will put up smoker alarms and gas alarms as well but will make a record of who lives in the home with your mum and any medical conditions so if they are need they know, also might be worth letting your local police station know incase your mum disappears without you knowing or get distress if she is on her own. Also speak to social services for help, and contact the dementia society as they can help. With toilet issues with your mum, you might have to treat them like a child, I know it hard but sometimes it stops alot of issue’s get her like always or tena pants as it saves on washing, I do it for my mum.

Neil, do you feel the time is fast approaching when you can no longer meet mum’s needs? The more help mum accepts the longer she can stay home, but there may come a time when she needs waking staff 24/7. Sadly, this was the case with my lovely mum in law, never a cross word between us in 34 years. In the meantime, are you claiming, on her behalf, Disability Living Allowance? Exemption from Council Tax due to “severe mental impairment”. Easy to claim, and it can be backdated, but there is very little publicity about this. Does mum own or rent her home? Have over £23,000 in savings (Yes/No is fine, this is the cut off point for some help.

Email Country Cousins. They can help. This is the link to their website in case you are interested. Feel free to take a good look.

Hi, I’ve just joined this forum & I’m having similar problems to you. I buy tena pants for mum from Boots as the local incontinence service don’t have any absorbent enough. But she won’t change them often enough because everything is too much effort and she can’t smell it herself. I don’t know how to manage either, so just letting you know you’re not the only one.