I’m Ill and expected to care too

Hi , new here hope someone can help me , so I have ms legs don’t work very well at all , my dad has been in and out of hospital since 02 jan this year , he spent 1 month in hospital and then got sent to a interim bed where he lasted 4 days my brother found him quite poorly with his catheter bag full of blood so ambulance was called and off he went scans were gone mothing found he ended up being discharged from hospital with the car’s package of 1vusit morning 1 night time , I struggled every day for 3 weeks and sometimes during the night , 2weeks ago fge same thing happened he shouts in tge night he’s got a leak he was soddened in blood so I called my brother and after tge district nurse had been my brother who lives 45 minutes from me and dads house takes him to a&e and then we’re back in an interim bed , today we spoke with the social car’s worker at tge home who was quite rude she actually called me rude after I’d asked her what kind of physio was meaning Neuro , gereateic etc . Only time she smiled was when she knew dad had more than the 23k mark … my dad needs 24hr cars in my opinion he’s blind very weak mobility and has got a thing about using tge toilet in the night to open bowels he doesn’t go most of tge time by the way and when he does he’s forgotten how to clean his self …my ms is not good at the minute and I just can’t go on like this if he was sent home with this 4 visits a day what about the other 22 plus hours I’m here alone with him … tired and need an end to it all now… thank you for reading and hope someone can advise or share experiences

Hi Rachel,

I’m not going go be much help but since it’s the middle of the night and I might be the only one awake I thought I’d say hi and welcome to the forum.

There will be others along in the morning to give you chapter and verse but the gist of the message will be you don’t have to care if you don’t want to. You don’t have to have any reason although you clearly do have reasons. Think of the Grange Hill just say no message. The others will be along tomorrow with practical advice on how to do it but it won’t take long.

I understand what it’s like to be a carer when your fit, healthy and willing and that’s hard enough. Factoring in your worry/love for your father and it’s too much. You’ll find everyone on the forum will be very supportive and kind. Some like me can only offer minimal advice but still offer empathy and a listening ear. Many others will help with detailed advice of all sorts and will guide you through.

You sound very stressed by all this. The Samaritans are always there if you need someone to talk to right now.

If it’s any consolation social services are seen as public enemy number 1 by most of us and they try it on all the time but if you start standing up for yourself and know your rights they will back down and some of them can even become kind and helpful. I remember the gloating when they thought they were going to get all our money. I also remember thinking about what life would be like without it and for the first time understood why financial problems make people suicidal. Be reassured that you will get support to minimize the impact of this.

I hope you’re getting a good night’s sleep. I’ll be thinking of you.

Incidentally I know about men sitting on the toilet for hours and not doing anything. If I mention it to anyone I get told it’s a man thing.

Hi Rachel
If Dad is needing 24 hour care and has capital/assets over £23250 then you can look and book him into a care home of his/your choosing, no need to involve Social services at all, as long as Dad agrees

If you believe his needs to be medical rather than care, then you can push for CHC funding through the NHS. Some areas try to put the initial checklist for this on to Social services so you might have to really push to get a full assessment done.

If they are talking about discharging him again, with an inadequate care package, then you start talking about “unsafe discharge” and that due to your own medical needs you cannot provide any care at all. You need to repeat this to all and sundry and be prepared to make official complaints.

Hopefully Chirs, our links guru, will be along to give you links on all the above
So sorry this stressful and sad situation has arisen


Care homes bible … AGE UK :

Care homes | Information and Advice | Age UK

Hardly any topic goes unanswered.

CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare ?

Main thread :


Numerous questions may arise … feel free to ask them.

Are you living with dad in his home, or yours?
Does dad own, or rent his home?