Hello from a newbie


I have finally taken the plunge and decided to post on here, after many visits to browse and look for anything that will help me. Ironically, one of my responsibilities at work is for Carers, but as many of us do, we ignore our own advice!

I am a Carer for my Dad, he is in hospital at the moment after a couple of falls recently. The last two/three weeks are like I have been put through a wringer and then flattened by a steam roller. Luckily our GP has been brilliant and gave me a fit note straight away.

So that’s a bit about me and where I’m at.

Speak soon x

hello Nadine, I’m a newbie to, but I cant find a way to ‘write a bit about myself’.
glad you had better luck…perhaps im just thick ! Pearl

Hi to both of you. If you don’t want to write about yourself, just tell us how old you are, how old your caree is, and what is the matter with them, or what support they need. We can then ask a few questions, usually to make sure you are getting all the help, support, benefits etc. that you and your caree are entitled to.

Hello and welcome!

Do you mind telling us a bit more about yourself? What is his disability? Has he had a needs assessment or not? How long have you cared for him? Are you aware that there are benefits he can claim? The two main ones to apply for are pip and esa. Citizen’s Advice Bureau can help you to fill out the application forms correctly.


Sorry for the delay, what with hospital visiting, phone calls to update people and my phone battery giving up the ghost, it’s been a right day!

Dad is 80 and I have been helping him with various things for a while now, but things have got more full on over the last year or so. He has numerous health issues: AF, angina, IHD, stage 3 CKD, Diabetes type 2, osteoarthritis in both knees and ankles, under investigation for ILD/PF & heart failure…
I work full time, although I am off sick at the moment. I did get Attendance Allowance awarded for Dad, but depending on what happens, that may not be an option for the future.

I am tired of always being “tired but wired” if that makes sense?

Me again - social services have said he will likely need 24/7 care for a while, until he can at least mobilise a little better. I am telling anyone and everyone that will listen that I will NOT be able to manage with Dad at home, on my own, overnight as I do not want to stop working, that is my one “break” from caring.

If moving him for transfers/toileting is a two person job while he is in hospital, how on earth am I meant to do it on my own? I am not prepared to risk Dad having skin breakdown due to being in soiled clothing/bedding when he has had a leg ulcer for 12+ months that still hasn’t healed properly.

I feel a bit better now I have got that out of my head, sorry for having a rant xx :cry:

You are absolutely right to refuse to let dad back home in his current condition. At the moment he NEEDS 24/7 care, either in hospital, a rehabilitation hospital, or a nursing home.

As he needs 24/7 care, he can’t possibly go home.

Good news! Dad’s leg ulcer has healed and he is now in a compression stocking instead of that awful two stage bandage system. :blush: happy dance

Are they now making arrangements to move him to somewhere which meets his needs?
Try to find somewhere they will fund, near you, that can meet all his needs, whatever develops, until the end of his life. It should be his last ever move. Do everything possible to stop him going in and out of hospital. This is soul destroying for patient and carer.

That is good news!

Be assertive but not violent with the doctors. Insist on him having proper care. Is he medically and clinically stable or not? If not do not listen.

Update: Dad is now in step-down at a nursing home that’s about ten or fifteen minutes away by car and is also on a main bus route.
Dr has signed me off for another two weeks, and I’ve got to pick up antibiotics tomorrow for a chest infection.

So that’s where we are at the moment x

Is dad going to be able to stay at the nursing home? It sounds fairly convenient for you.

At the moment, he is there on step-down, so that is only ever a temporary arrangement. It will depend on his progress with rehabilitation as to what happens next. I know they will push for him to come home, they did that the first time he was discharged and he ended up being re-admitted after another fall a couple of days later, so understandably that is a big concern for me. As I have said before, I won’t cope on my own, particularly if there is only some improvement with his mobility, as that impacts on his ability to do other things e.g. toileting.
I have already started to have episodes of alternating guilt/relief, ending up in tears and a tantrum earlier out of sheer frustration due to GP running late and not being able to go and see my Dad as soon as I would have liked to, so that we both knew the other one was ok. Not one of my better moments! :angry:

Nadine, that wasn’t a tantrum!

You are clearly fearful of an impossible workload pending. I’ve been there too. A voice came into my head telling me I just couldn’t do it any more.

You need some urgent counselling, someone on your side.


I have an appointment with our OHS team and we also have an Employee Assistance Programme that I can access at any time.

I am trying to do one day at a time, but due to my anxiety disorder, my mind runs away with me sometimes before I can stop it.

Going to see Dad this afternoon, hopefully he has had a good night’s sleep. Unlike me. :frowning:

This sort of thing absolutely wrecks your normal sleep pattern, and at 3am everything seems absolutely worst. Have you told your GP that you are not sleeping well? Mine gave me some tablets to help me relax, and then sleep. Even if I woke in the night, when I took them I could stay snuggled up in bed, relaxing. Much better than accounts at 3am.


It was indigestion that woke me up, oh the joys!

I feel your pain.

Try speaking with your doctor again to see if they can help solve your issues. Are you taking any medication for indigestion or not?


I’ve got OTC stuff for my indigestion, I think it’s an extension of my IBS, which is triggered by stress.

A very kind person took me out for a meal this evening, another step towards being a functioning human again! The meal was lovely and it was great not to have to be clock-watching the whole time.

I’m getting there, slowly.