Hi, I am new to caring and hit a bit of a low

My disabled father got Fournier Gangrene and to cut a long story short was in hospital October last year till January this year, a lot of muscle and skin had to be removed so now he is primarily bedbound, Dad refused to be in a carehome and also has a block on how further disabled he is now he has to be hoisted and only allowed to sit in his wheelchair 45 mins a day on a grade 4 pressure sore and a grade 3 on his heel as well.

The only option we could think of was for husband to turn the garage into a self contained annex similar to a medical suite for hoist gantry etc and we move into the house, give up ours we are a family of 3 my daughter 14, I gave up my vet nursing career.

Dad reluctantly agreed to be a in a carehome until the completion and discharged himself the day the bed turned up! Although he is 80 he is a very difficult person to be around in full health but seemed to mellow post surgery etc Sadly since his return he has gone back into full on his usual personality and well…we are struggling OT has abandoned us, wheelchair services, and social worker, GP can’t help and the only person left coming in is the District Nurse. All because Dad is ignoring their advice and buying incorrect products…I completely see their point but I really feel alone. My hubby says I look a shadow of myself we are all sniping at each other, and today we can’t even go anywhere as Dads schedule is 8am breakfast etc, then I wash and dress him, tablets and a cuppa that’s sort of done by half 9. I then have to do a housework clean and wash as his bandages leak…then at 12 he likes his lunch and at half 12 to 1 ish I then have to get him into hoist and change bed and walk with him to keep putting his feet on the wheelchair bars…I then get him back onto bed and take washing etc then I have about another hour and a half to do a bit of house works for us…then he has a cuppa and biscuit at 3 I then collect daughter a session of 45 mins before I start his evening meal sometimes help district nurse…get him undressed and sort him for night so our family time I see 6.45 til, 10 then I check he is not too cold too hot etc.

I just seem to have 2 sessions a day of an hour and half in between a Dad thing is this right?

Looking for advice from more experienced members…before I’m divorced me and hubby are 51 and quite outdoors sorts…


That’s an awful situation, yet again hospital and Social Services being unhelpful.

Presumably dad owns his home?
Who paid for the garage conversion?
Did you own, or rent, your old home?
Are you an only child?

I’ll be back later, it’s a bit hectic here at the moment.

Hi Julie,

This situation sounds unsustainable. I think your Dad needs to either accept outside care workers coming in to deliver his personal care and related tasks or accept he needs to move to a care/nursing home.


Reading between the lines … again … one thread which is standing in the shadows … waiting to be summoned.

CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare :


May well be the only realistic option here ???