I can't reach my angry daughter

New to Carers Connect
1

My daughter has had intermittent psychosis since age 20 which is quite well controlled with medication, she has had long periods of stability and even happiness on it.

She has never accepted that she has an illness, and has given up medication and been sectioned many times. This time she followed the advice and reduced very slowly but as soon as she stopped completely the psychosis has returned.

The focus of this is always that everything in her life is my fault, if only I had been a proper mother she would be ok.
She lives with her alcoholic husband who is now avoiding her and staying away. She is not able to cope, I have been taking food over and putting credit on her electricity but she now won’t let me in the house. She is totally isolated. I find her anger and hostility so very painful, even though we have been here many times before.

I can see another spell in hospital coming which she fears terribly having had bad experiences in the past.

It helps a bit writing this down. I have to try and put it in a box to be able to carry on with the rest of my family.

2

It’s always easier to blame someone else rather than accept responsibility for your own actions.
I believe firmly that we are all responsible for our own happiness, you cannot MAKE anyone happy.
Having an alcoholic husband is surely the worst possible situation, as he can’t control himself either.
It is incredibly sad, but not a situation of your making, I’m sure.
After all, people with a dreadful start in life can still succeed!

3

Thanks for taking the time to reply Bowling Bun.

I agree it’s our own responsibility to make our own happiness, but she is a prisoner of the illness and not capable of thinking rationally when psychotic. Apparently it’s a feature of the illness being unable to accept you are ill and common to project on to those closest to you - hard to remember when you are the target of abuse.

Does anyone else struggle with caring for someone with long standing serious mental health issues who will not accept their diagnosis?