@Tiredanne Thanks so much for caring, it means a lot. I’m trying to stay strong, and managing it some of the time, not other times unfortunately, that’s what makes this so hard, but I am determined (I think )!
@bowlingbun You are so right, I am now engulfed by waves of mixed feelings, practically on a daily basis and the feeling of tiredness is immense. It would be so easy to just through the towel in and go back to how things were but some core of strength seems to be keeping me going…I am very tired and weary this morning but intend to keep strong whatever!
@Kazzac Do you think it is the ‘Bank Holiday’ syndrome? I always feel down around BH’s . I think partially the worry is that I will have to phone 111 or 999 if he goes downhill rather than the GP Surgery. I do not drive so getting him to an Urgent Care Centre would be a total nightmare and huge cost. I know others struggle too. I have some good books to read and had a great time out yesterday which helps even though I was worried about the thigh issue. Today Coffee with a friend for an hour and a half. Try and get out even for short periods if you can. The BH will pass and we will get through it.
@selinakylie Yes your right! Definitely Bank Holiday syndrome…even without what’s going on at the moment I often feel low and sorry for myself around Bank Holidays, Easter, Xmas etc. Having lost my only child (he died in a tragic accident) I often feel quite sad around these times so it’s hardly surprising I feel like this now. I’m keeping busy though, it’s pouring with rain here so indoor activities for now. Thanks x
@Kazzac Keep posting - I am sure several others have similar feelings so we can help each other through. I am so sorry for the loss of your only child. Cyber hugs. Thankfully seeing a friend for a couple of hours. Her father has just gone into a Home and thankfully his room is next door to someone he used to know years ago. They have ‘bonded’ and it seems to be working out. Been very hard on my friend as she has had her father living with her when he has been discharged from hospital, too ill to go home and live alone.She is in process of selling his house to fund the fees so she needs a break too. I know she will find Easter hard but like me she has some beloved cats and she enjoys reading.
@Tiredanne Thanks for asking, I am OK, working my way through a maze of legal considerations and finding that I’m unsure of which path to take. R (husband) is still in hospital and likely to be so for a couple more weeks at least. He has said he accepts that I cant live with him any longer and I have taken him to view a couple of retirement flats. He is quite interested in one of them. However he is very much on the charm offensive at the moment, being as accommodating as possible! This is managing to sow seeds of doubt in me, especially when I realise just how much my lifestyle will have to change due to the financial situation I will find myself in! All that said I’m still moving forward with it… I’ve been speaking to solicitors today about transferring ownership of our house over to me so that when I come to sell up I wont have to rely on him being in a good place mentally to be able to move it forward, something that stalled a sale previously.
He seems to be making progress though, his medical team think he may have been discharged too quickly before (exactly what I argued at the time!) and are intending to make sure he is stabilized on his medication for a while before discharge…lets hope so, especially if I relent and decide to give it yet another go!!!
Anyway, enough of me! How are things with you?
@selinakylie Hi there, yes I’m ok, as I said to @Tiredanne I’m ploughing my way through legal stuff and due to R (husband) being so charming and seemingly responding well to tweaks in medication and input from a variety of medics, medical consultants, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, art therapists and physiotherapists I’m starting to doubt my plans!! Only time will tell though and yes I’m starting to think maybe I could carry on living with him, but then I remember just how bad it can be and is likely to be again. Then I’m back on track…until the next wave of doubt.
@Kazzac be careful of that charm as you know what is behind it. While he is in hospital you are not under that awful pressure that was making you so unwell. Of course only you know what is best for you and financial security is something that is important, but if you are too unwell to live a normal life then I do hope you put that first.
Glad that the solicitor is taking this on for you, your husband will have to agree to this at some point, when you might see his charm slip. But only you can make that choice and this forum will support you in all you do.
I am fine, settled into accepting that my husband will not improve and I am being strong to start my life again. I am going out more, accepting that if he doesn’t want the dinner I make then I can’t make him eat.
keep strong, and sending love x
@Kazzac Have to echo Tiredannes comments. YOU have a right to a life of your own.
Things are just ticking along here. I am working hard on disengaging and behaving like a Professional Carer. I do prompt but days of chasing him round house with the pills have gone. I am concerned about the diabetes issue though and what will happen if he does have it but blood tests done so no news is good news. I am trying to get out as and when I can. But yes it is hard, and I can only hope that nature will take its course whilst I am still in a position to have some life left in me!!! As you know, it is so very very draining and for me, not knowing if he is REALLY feeling ill or just trying to control me and stop me going out , is a huge challenge to deal with.
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