@Tiredanne Thanks so much for caring, it means a lot. I’m trying to stay strong, and managing it some of the time, not other times unfortunately, that’s what makes this so hard, but I am determined (I think )!
@bowlingbun You are so right, I am now engulfed by waves of mixed feelings, practically on a daily basis and the feeling of tiredness is immense. It would be so easy to just through the towel in and go back to how things were but some core of strength seems to be keeping me going…I am very tired and weary this morning but intend to keep strong whatever!
@Kazzac Do you think it is the ‘Bank Holiday’ syndrome? I always feel down around BH’s . I think partially the worry is that I will have to phone 111 or 999 if he goes downhill rather than the GP Surgery. I do not drive so getting him to an Urgent Care Centre would be a total nightmare and huge cost. I know others struggle too. I have some good books to read and had a great time out yesterday which helps even though I was worried about the thigh issue. Today Coffee with a friend for an hour and a half. Try and get out even for short periods if you can. The BH will pass and we will get through it.
@selinakylie Yes your right! Definitely Bank Holiday syndrome…even without what’s going on at the moment I often feel low and sorry for myself around Bank Holidays, Easter, Xmas etc. Having lost my only child (he died in a tragic accident) I often feel quite sad around these times so it’s hardly surprising I feel like this now. I’m keeping busy though, it’s pouring with rain here so indoor activities for now. Thanks x
@Kazzac Keep posting - I am sure several others have similar feelings so we can help each other through. I am so sorry for the loss of your only child. Cyber hugs. Thankfully seeing a friend for a couple of hours. Her father has just gone into a Home and thankfully his room is next door to someone he used to know years ago. They have ‘bonded’ and it seems to be working out. Been very hard on my friend as she has had her father living with her when he has been discharged from hospital, too ill to go home and live alone.She is in process of selling his house to fund the fees so she needs a break too. I know she will find Easter hard but like me she has some beloved cats and she enjoys reading.
@Tiredanne Thanks for asking, I am OK, working my way through a maze of legal considerations and finding that I’m unsure of which path to take. R (husband) is still in hospital and likely to be so for a couple more weeks at least. He has said he accepts that I cant live with him any longer and I have taken him to view a couple of retirement flats. He is quite interested in one of them. However he is very much on the charm offensive at the moment, being as accommodating as possible! This is managing to sow seeds of doubt in me, especially when I realise just how much my lifestyle will have to change due to the financial situation I will find myself in! All that said I’m still moving forward with it… I’ve been speaking to solicitors today about transferring ownership of our house over to me so that when I come to sell up I wont have to rely on him being in a good place mentally to be able to move it forward, something that stalled a sale previously.
He seems to be making progress though, his medical team think he may have been discharged too quickly before (exactly what I argued at the time!) and are intending to make sure he is stabilized on his medication for a while before discharge…lets hope so, especially if I relent and decide to give it yet another go!!!
Anyway, enough of me! How are things with you?
@selinakylie Hi there, yes I’m ok, as I said to @Tiredanne I’m ploughing my way through legal stuff and due to R (husband) being so charming and seemingly responding well to tweaks in medication and input from a variety of medics, medical consultants, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, art therapists and physiotherapists I’m starting to doubt my plans!! Only time will tell though and yes I’m starting to think maybe I could carry on living with him, but then I remember just how bad it can be and is likely to be again. Then I’m back on track…until the next wave of doubt.
@Kazzac be careful of that charm as you know what is behind it. While he is in hospital you are not under that awful pressure that was making you so unwell. Of course only you know what is best for you and financial security is something that is important, but if you are too unwell to live a normal life then I do hope you put that first.
Glad that the solicitor is taking this on for you, your husband will have to agree to this at some point, when you might see his charm slip. But only you can make that choice and this forum will support you in all you do.
I am fine, settled into accepting that my husband will not improve and I am being strong to start my life again. I am going out more, accepting that if he doesn’t want the dinner I make then I can’t make him eat.
keep strong, and sending love x
@Kazzac Have to echo Tiredannes comments. YOU have a right to a life of your own.
Things are just ticking along here. I am working hard on disengaging and behaving like a Professional Carer. I do prompt but days of chasing him round house with the pills have gone. I am concerned about the diabetes issue though and what will happen if he does have it but blood tests done so no news is good news. I am trying to get out as and when I can. But yes it is hard, and I can only hope that nature will take its course whilst I am still in a position to have some life left in me!!! As you know, it is so very very draining and for me, not knowing if he is REALLY feeling ill or just trying to control me and stop me going out , is a huge challenge to deal with.
@selinakylie Just re read your reply to me and what resonated so much was the ‘not knowing if he is REALLY feeling ill or just trying to control me to stop me…’ R got discharged from hospital on the 23rd May after being in for 7 weeks. During that time he seemed to be improving, seeming to accept that the best way forward was for us to live apart whilst maintaining a relationship. He had started looking at flats for him to move into, signed the paperwork allowing the transfer of our house to just me, basically continuing with the what I now see as a ‘charade’.
On discharge his mental health immediately started to decline, to such an extent that he’s not been eating, washing or doing much other than either stare into space or cry in despair! Quite frankly I think its all to try and avoid having to do anything and to control me. When I mention about him finding somewhere he just retreats further into his ‘illness’, saying he cant carry on etc etc. I know he wont try and take his own life, just threatens it! Family and friends are saying that my only option now is when the house is put in my name to put it on the market and when it sells he will have to move out. All well and good but how can I get him to do that if he just hides in his room or huddles in the corner!! What a flipping nightmare…and now my hair is falling out which really is upsetting me!
Hes with his community CPN in the other room at the moment and has his psychiatrist visiting next week. Lets see what if anything happens then!! I’m not optimistic!!
@Kazzac Cyber hugs. Yes selling wont be easy if he is on the premises. Do you think his health might decline and then he can be re admitted into hospital? What if you refused to offer any basic care to him? Harsh I know but YOU have a right to a life too. Can you talk or write to the Psychiatrist and get what is going on on file? Can you say YOU are at breaking point? It sounds like ‘emotional blackmail’?
@selinakylie Thanks, ((((Hugs))) to you too…I just about have stopped offering basic care, not cooking for him, getting breakfast or cups of coffee throughout the day. I take myself off and just try to live my life and in that way take my power back a little. I spoke to his CPN today letting him know my thoughts, I will also be speaking to his Psychiatrist on Tuesday. I have a feeling they are beginning to see through him a little. However that’s possibly a double edged sword as they are then probably less likely to readmit him to hospital. Watch this space!
Well if he is not eating then surely he will go downhill? What about medication? Does he take it himself? I know when I thought years ago my husband had stopped eating, I realised when checking his fridge that he was eating things like chocolate and cheese slices in the night. They have a ‘Duty of Care’ for him surely? I agree getting them to see he is a risk to himself is not going to be easy. I am in a similar position but because I claim Carers Allowance I feel duty bound to provide care and prompting but wont go the ‘extra mile’ and will write down if I have prompted re changing pad/applying cream/taking tablets/having a bath and he has refused. All a paid carer would do.
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