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Hi @Kazzac just wondering how you are doing? My husband is bipolar 2 but again a new diagnosis last May and has been voluntarily admitted for a week after an awful incident where I believe he is lucky to be alive. They are tweaking his meds a lot better now but I am also wary of the discharge. However, I am missing him so I can see the differences between us here.
Anyway, I started reading this thread in the summer and just saw it again now so wondered what had happened since and just sending healing thoughts to you.
Hi @weasel35 I’m kind of okay thanks. I’m away at the moment, taking some respite from the situation. That said I am missing my husband too! He was discharged from hospital just before Xmas and it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster to say the least whilst his meds are being adjusted. I believe the diagnosis to be pretty well correct, everything seems to fit…
I seem to be coping a bit better now, and am hopeful that in time he will stabilise on the right dosage of medication. Family and friends have been advising me to get out of the marriage that it’s too much to have to cope with but we’ve been together 40 years and saying it and doing it are completely different things. I do love him although certainly not the way I used to…I feel love more as a carer rather than a wife and I so miss the man I married but hope in time that man will return and I love as his wife. It certainly is a difficult time which I’m sure you can relate to. I’d like to hear how you are doing, Was your husband been ill for a while before getting his Bi-polar diagnosis? Do you have a discharge date and has a care plan been put in place. My man has lots of support from our local mental health team, regular calls from an assigned psychiatric nurse, visits from psychiatrist and attendance at weekly meetings.
I hope things work out for you,please keep in touch
@bowlingbun @selinakylie @weasel35 @Sue24 @Melly1
Well, here I am again, I won’t go into what’s happened since I last posted but just need a bit of advice. I’m due to take husband up to the hospital this afternoon for blood test etc. I’m taking him to something called the Hum ( mental health hub) I intend to leave him there and return home and lock the doors and not answer the phone…I can’t cope any more and just need a few hours at home alone.Whats likely to happen? That is will they put him in a cab and send him back?? And then what, he won’t be able to get in!
@Kazzac Has he been violent? Mentally threatening? TBH I do not know what will happen but you sound at breaking point so you have ALL my sympathy. I guess you could use this to try and negotiate some help? Stress that he is a ‘vulnerable adult’ so must NOT be discharged if there is no one able to care for him? I do know legally that you cannot be MADE to provide care.
Could you phone the Carers Helpline? I would hate to give you wrong advice. What is he likely to do if discharged and if he cannot get into the house?
Sorry not been helpful but sending cyber hugs and really hope someone else can provide better advice.
@selinakylie Update… One of his consultant psychiatrists has just been and gone. He is going to do his best to get husband admitted into hospital today. There are 2 separate teams working with husband and they don’t seem to be keeping each other informed. The ‘acute’ home treatment team have reiterated that there were no beds available, even if they want to get him admitted, which they seemed not to. Now his psychiatrist, from the team responsible for long term care, has said he’s going to try and get him admitted. I don’t want to jeopardize that so am not sure what to do!!! No not violent, or threatening
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@Kazzac If the Psychiatrist wants to get him admitted then there must be good reasons? Can you tell him that you are at breaking point. I totally ‘get’ that there is a shortage of geriatric mental health beds but even if things were easier, it sounds as if he needs more help than you can give? It also sounds a ‘dangerous discharge’ potentially if the psychiatrists thinks he needs to be admitted. If they discharge him then surely he is likely to be re admitted?
I really think you have to talk openly with the psychiatrist and stress that you feel your husband needs more care than can be provided at home and that he is potentially a danger to himself. Worth mentioning 'dangerous discharge ’ too. The lack of communication between teams is worrying frankly as they are both mental health so surely should be working together?
@selinakylie Yes, I’ve spoken very frankly to the psychiatrist and stressed the points you mention. I’ve also said I’m at breaking point. I’ll just see what happens in the next 24 hours…
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We all have our breaking point. I’ve met mine.
I ended up with a voice in my head saying "I just CAN’T do this any more.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to help mum, I’d been helping her for over 40 years, but she was in hospital and they were bullying me because they wanted their bed back, pretending she was “better” when she was far worse than when she had gone into hospital 7 months earlier!
I was driving back to my place having spent hours at her place looking at what she would need, knowing in my heart of hearts it was going to be another “failed discharge” and all that entailed.
Mum and I both agreed that she just wasn’t well enough to live alone at home any more.
She could see just how tired I was after I’d dealt with a mountain of issues.
I’m sure you don’t want your husband admitted, you’d rather have him be the man you married, but that’s not possible.
You have to focus now on what he NEEDS.
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@K47t How are things? Did they keep your husband in hospital? I really hope that you are ok.
@Kazzac….Hi, just checking in on how you’re doing? Hope all okay, did they find a safe place for your husband to go to?
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@Melly1 @selinakylie @Sue24 @bowlingbun Thank you all so much for your concern, it really does help. Yes they found him a bed and he was admitted to the older person’s mental health unit at our main hospital. I cannot begin to describe the relief I feel. I’m going out with a friend today, the sun is shining 
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@Kazzac So good to read this . Relieved and pleased for you. Enjoy your time out with your friend today. x
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@Kazzac so glad to hear he will be getting the help he needs.
Have a lovely time out. Hope you are able to relax now.
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Enjoy your freedom!
However, once the first wave of relief has passed, expect to have a wave of mixed feelings, and what I call the Cliff of Tiredness to overwhelm you.
Be kind to yourself, learning to truly relax can be difficult when you’ve been wound up for a long time. Be sure to plan some things to help. Quiet walks on your own, maybe a massage or facial, some pampering at the hairdresser.
I find relaxing at home difficult at times, so every so often take my sewing machine away to a cottage and do as much or as little as I feel like. There are some really good last minute deals away from the school holidays, especially mid week.
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@Kazzac…I’m so pleased to hear this. Have a lovely day out today x
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Have you heard of Carefree who offer an annual break in wide variety of hotels across the country for a nominal fee. Would perhaps add to chances for getting away
@Tiredanne Thanks, yes I’ve heard of them. At the moment I’m enjoying a break at home, whilst husband is in hospital. I’m also considering my future and am in process of looking at ending my marriage and therefore my caring role!! It’s all dependant on whether I have the courage and fortitude to see it through and not succumb to emotional blackmail, manipulation and coercion!!!
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