Hello world here I am

Just wanted to say hello.

Had problems logging on previously, but am now on here :+1:

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Welcome. Glad the log in issues have been resolved.

Why not introduce yourself - only as much as you are comfortable sharing - I am sure you’ll get loads of other greetings.

I care for my husband of 26 years after he suffered a stroke 20 months ago which brought on a cascade of other medical issues causing me to become full time carer and having to close our business.

If you’ve concerns or worries or just need information you’ll be able to ‘tap into’ the experiences and knowledge of others on here.

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Hello - welcome to the Forum. We are a friendly bunch and you will get support and non judgement. Tell us as much or as little about your own circumstances as you feel comfortable with. We will be able to relate to the challenges you face as many will have faced similar.

I care for my much older 84 year old medically non compliant husband. Life is not easy at times, but I have my beloved feline family, a few close friends who are total diamonds, and this Forum. Plus I am an avid reader and chair 2 Book Clubs.

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Welcome to the forum. I’m in the New Forest, my son was brain damaged at birth, can’t read, write, or do any maths but can understand how to fire up and drive a 10 ton steam roller. Very confusing! I’ve also cared for other family members in various ways, from new born niece whose mum had serious post natal depression, all four elderly parents, and a few others. My son lives 15 miles away in a flat, with carer support, I seem to have a constant battle with Social Services. I’ve also been disabled myself after being involved in a serious road accident which wrote a Range Rover off, and my knees. Fortunately I can now walk again after 2 knee replacements, and have just come back from Crete where I’ve been on holiday with a friend who has done the “Couch to 5K” journey. She walks VERY fast!

Glad to be here

I care for a relative with cancer (terminal they say)

I find myself quite socially isolated as a result

am ok with this really & know the power / value of the acceptance of things

Hi, Hello_there,
When I was supporting dad with prostate cancer, and mum who had been housebound for many years, initially the GP didn’t want to talk to me. I had to use the MacMillan helpline to get more information, especially where life expectancy was concerned. I needed to know to plan how to manage my work, caring for my brain damaged son, and my housebound disabled mum. They asked me to explain how dad was at the time, and their prognosis was correct to within 2 weeks. Should you wish to know anything about cancer, I can thoroughly recommend them. I have had my own battle with cancer, in 2004 I went Christmas shopping knowing that if my forthcoming surgery was unsuccessful, I would not see the next Christmas. Such a difficult time for all concerned. Have you been told about the financial support available. PIP or Attendance Allowance? Are you aware of NHS Continuing Healthcare, all the care needed, free of charge, either in your home or a nursing home? If needed, a hospital bed should be provided on loan. Social Services should be looking at the support you need in your caring role. I now have counselling and gym membership funded. It’s so important to have a bit of “Me” time whether for the pub, the gym, or a private cry. Do try to maintain some outside contact.

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Welcome to the forum.
No fun being isolated. You sound positive explaining you know the power of acceptance.
Please stay on the forum as we have all joined in a time of need and understand how emotional times can be.
In the past I’ve vented more than once!

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Thanks for sharing that info.

As @Pet66 said we have ALL ‘vented’ at times when things have got too much for us and we need to shout, scream or cry and the support on here is second to none. Do let out your emotions as it helps - even though we all try to muddle through and not show our feelings.

@bowlingbun has highlighted some of the help available be it equipment or medical support and I hope you have tapped into those resources already, as well ad the financial help available. I cannot recommend McMillan strongly enough - they have been there for several friends and acquaintances and are truly amazing, providing the support you need to care for yourself so you have the strength to continue to care for your family member.

We’ve just heard that my sister in law in Oz has bowel cancer which has spread badly and it sounds like it could be inoperable but waiting for someone to bite the bullet and use the word before we know for sure. Even though she is 9,000 miles away and there is little we can do it is still traumatic and to be caring for a loved one makes it many times worse, so please do try to look after yourself or you wont be any use to them.

. I now have counselling and gym membership funded. It’s so important to have a bit of “Me” time whether for the pub, the gym, or a private cry. Do try to maintain some outside contact.

Do you think you could tell me some more about that?

Welcome. We have share and learn sessions. You might want to look into that.

@Hello_there

To access the sort of thing bowlingbun is talking about, you need to have a Carers Assessment. There is information here:

https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/practical-support/carers-assessment/

Carers Assessments are supposed to look at the support you need to continue with your caring role. Somewhere there is an official list of the sort of things this covers. I once asked for sewing classes, I’ve sewn for many years but wanted the company of the others. This was refused, but I was told I could have funding for any course that led to an official qualification. I asked why, at the age of 60, I needed any more qualifications, with 10 O levels, 3 A levels, a degree in Business Studies, 20 years of running my own business, a touch typist with 20 years of Desktop Publishing? It was clear from the social workers face that I had much better qualifications than she did, but I still didn’t get my sewing class! When I was recently widowed, recently disabled, caring for brother, son and mum, I felt on the edge of a breakdown, and had counselling, which really helped. My GP had recommended gym membership to help after I had knee replacements, grudgingly, Social Services agreed to fund both. So you have to think what you would like to do that fits with their criteria. I’m now too disabled with arthritis to do much exercise, so I spent the money on a massage, which really helps to relieve the pain and tension in my shoulders. Start by having a look at the Carers Policy of your local Social Services department, which will direct you to the things they should fund for you. Hope that helps.

Thanks. Thing is I do still do part time work that brings me in more than 132 pounds a week so I think that disqualifies me from pretty much anything

Working carers can still have a carer’s assessment.

Ok thanks. Will look into it

Don’t confuse the DWP entitlement to Carers Allowance (which involves a financial assessment) with Social Services Carers Assessment, not usually any financial assessment. In fact they are supposed to do everything possible to support carers to stay in work!

Thanks for that advice. Did not realise that

Happy to help. Caring is a bit like Snakes and Ladders, we are here to help avoid the snakes and find the ladders. Too often people are left struggling because no one takes the time to explain how the systems work.

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