I currently care for my 82yr old dad. He has stage 4 copd which we manage fine. Sadly though, dad’s mental state has deteriorated in the last 6 weeks. He seems to have forgotten how to do everything. He is confused, sees and hears things. Had lots of tests etc and gp referring to memory clinic.
Basically I’m struggling. Struggling coping with my different dad, struggling doing everything myself and still being a single mum and trying to work. I now see dad everyday and work inbetween times. My sisters don’t live near and I feel really overwhelmed at times. My son is struggling with anxiety, my health is not great and I can’t afford to pay for help.

I don’t want to fail my dad, I want to be there for him. I feel guilty, overwhelmed, upset etc

Any advice?

Give up trying to be Superwoman and start yelling “HELP”!

Your own health needs to be your priority, and your work, and your son.
Don’t say you “are doing well” when you are “struggling”.

Everyone else wants you to say you are coping because then they don’t have to do anything!!
If you don’t put yourself first, no one else will.

I would suggest that you and your sisters have a Family Conference looking at what dad NEEDS and how those needs are going to be met in the future.
Dementia cannot be halted with all the love in the world, but it can be managed.
It is now the role of the family to ensure that he has the care he needs. Then you all have a joint management role, not a hands on caring role.
How to do this depends on various things, but under NO circumstances are you required to pay for his care. If he can afford it, he should contribute to it. If he cannot afford it, Social Services will pay instead. I hope that puts your mind at rest over this.

Does dad own or rent his home?
Does anyone else live with him?
Does he have over £23,000 in savings? (Yes/No)
Does anyone have Power of Attorney?
Is he claiming Attendance Allowance?
Has anyone told you that dementia is classed as a severe mental impairment for Council Tax purposes?
Dad is now exempt!

Hello Julie

Firstly a warm welcome to our forum

This sounds like a difficult situation for you, its difficult to juggle so many things from caring, to working etc. It can feel extremely overwhelming.

Have you thought about coming along to one of our weekly online carers catch ups?

We’re running series of online weekly meet ups for carers to get together and chat informally. People say they’ve found it really helpful and supportive and it’s nice to be able to take a little bit of time for yourself. There’s no pressure to share any more than you’re comfortable with. Join up details are here:

Do join if you’d like to.

with kind regards