New to the site

Hi I have just joined. I’ve been a carer for many years for my father. First with his alcoholism and now with his dementia. Iam 49 and I have been looking after him for about 13 years. He was diagnosed with dementia three years ago front lobal due to his alcoholic life style and also vascular. I’m hoping not to feel so isolated and lonely by joining this group.

Hi Sarah and welcome to the forum,

You have been caring for your Dad a long time. It must be frustrating for you knowing that he could have avoided getting dementia and needing care if he hadn’t drunk so much.

Have a look around the forum for advice and practical tips. In the Members Section we have Roll Call for ‘over the garden fence’ type chatter - though it is quite quiet of late, we all have less to chat about these days!

Carers Uk also hold cyber meet ups and you can read about them here Online meetups | Carers UK

Does your Dad receive any help from paid care workers to lessen the burden on you?



I would urge you to put your own needs first now.

I believe we are all responsible for our own actions, and their consequences.
Both you, and dad.
Dad has absolutely brought this on himself, he should take the consequences. You have become the innocent victim in the process.
If you accept he will never change, he’s now incapable of it.

Why are you still caring for him?
How did your caring start?
Have you always lived with him?
Ever escaped and had your own home?

Does dad own, or rent his home?
Claiming Attendance Allowance?
Did you know that since the day of the dementia diagnosis he has been totally EXEMPT from Council Tax?

Thank you for all the posts he lives on his own I go in three times a day to cook and clean. I pay his bills do his shopping. And his washing. And all his cleaning. Cook all his meals. I even put him in the shower and sort his clean clothes out for him. He occasionally washes his plate. He’s very old fashioned. If I didn’t do all this for him he wouldn’t do it at all. Wouldn’t feed him self wash him self wouldn’t pay his bills or take any medication. Would never do any shopping. He sits in his chair all day watching the TV only getting up to go to the toilet he had a garden but won’t use it. He’s been sober for three years now and with his dementia doesn’t have the confidence to leave the house on his own. But we go out for breakfast we’ll we use to do and go to the cinema. Have mscdonsld days and park walks. It’s just so lonely. I get frustrated with repeated conversations I shouldn’t moan as he’s never nasty to me and always pleasant.

He doesn’t need YOU all the time. You are his daughter, not his slave. You will find yourself doing more and more and more until he dies, unless you do something to improve the situation.
If he has under £23,000 Social Services will fund some or all of his care.
Over that amount, he should pay for what he needs.

It is time for someone else to do his cooking and cleaning.
Is he claiming Attendance Allowance?
Is he claiming the Council Tax Exemption?
Do you have Power of Attorney? So the money you use for his food etc. is his, not yours?
Is he contributing towards the care your provide?