Good morning


Another newbie here - I found this place last night after an exhausting day of looking after my Dad’s needs and running round like a headless chicken for him. I was just sat feeling guilty and overwhelmed and I need help, but who do I ask ??? A Google search found this site and made me feel I was not alone. More importantly I stumbled on some posts that made me see my life was as important as Dads. Something I had not even considered as he is directing so much of my life. Anyway , rambling on! but thank you all for being so honest so people like me think it’s OK to put yourself first x

Hi Violet,

Welcome to the forum.

Very elderly people simply lose sight of how much others are doing for them, their world has shrunk to just them.
They will never willingly change anything, because they don’t like or are frightened by change.

If you tell us a bit more about dad, we should be able to help re balance things.
Just a few quick questions as I have an appointment soon but I’ll be back later. There is a purpose behind each question, they are not as random as they look!

How old is dad?
What does he need help with?
Does he have a particular diagnosis?
Does he own or rent his home?
Do you live with him?
Have over £23,000 in savings (yes/no)
Is he mentally OK?
Do you have Power of Attorney?
Are you an only child?

Welcome - I have been there and worn that particular tshirt. Yes your life is absolutely as important as your Dad’s. it is all about balancing their needs with your own and getting some help to fill the gaps when you can’t do it all.

Thank you both, sorry I’m messing up replies ! Middle aged thumb’s on a phone …

I struggle with a phone, not much better on a tablet, sometimes I forget to check and the predictive text goes off on a frolic of it’s own, so I have an old fashioned computer and keyboard. Far, far easier for a touch typist.

Welcome to the forum, Violet.

I think it is very common for carers to put their carees first and to ignore their own needs. You are right, we are as important as our carees.

You might enjoy/find useful this book: The Selfish Pig’s Guide To Caring: How to cope with the emotional and practical aspects of caring for someone by Hugh Marriott


Greetings,nice to meet you