This is my first post and I’m after some advice please.
I live with my 92 year old mum and im her carer. She does not need what i would call 24 hour care but i cook her meals, help her showering, arrange doctors and medications. Due to her frailty i also do all the housework, washing, maintain garden etc.
18 months ago i was made redundant and due to looking after mum I’ve not looked for another job. The issue is that I’m using my savings to continue to pay the majority of household bills . I do claim carers allowance but that is it.
I have an older brother who doesn’t help with mum aside from the odd lift here and there. I also have an older sister who lives in another part of the country who does even less. One visit a year and a 5 minute weekly phone call.
My question is would i be in the right to ask my brother and sister for monetary help. My savings are disappearing. Without me i think mum would need to go in a home. I wouldn’t allow this as she is sound of mind.
Im sorry for the long winded post but your advice would be appreciated. I feel abandoned.
@Claire1871 ….welcome to the forum. Are you able to have a chat with your Brother and Sister and just explain to them the situation and see if they’re willing to help financially. I don’t see anything wrong in them helping financially so mum can stay in her own home with your support for as long as she can.
@Claire1871 Welcome to the forum . You could do what you have said and also what Sue has suggested. Also aswell you could contact the carers uk advice line and talk to someone there about benefits and tell them what your mum and you get.and they will be then able to check that you are getting all the benefits you are entitled to. There are things like attendance allowance that your mum would be entitled to claim. And she might even qualify for pension credit which is based on the amount of pension she gets and the savings she has. If you give them a ring they will be able to go through everything with you.
You really need a complete financial review!
Mum should be receiving Attendance Allowance, and if she has limited savings should also be claiming other benefits. Is she paying Council Tax?
If you have modest savings, under pension age, you may be able to claim Universal Credit, if receiving Carers Allowance you will not be required to work.
In addition you should ask Social Services for a Carers Assessment, and mum should have a Needs Assessment.
Mum is claiming both AA and pension credit. Ive exhausted every avenue that myself and mum can claim. I was just curious what other carers opinions were re asking my brother and sister for help as i feel that its all down to me.
@Claire1871 I’m sorry I don’t know what else to suggest if your mum is getting attendance allowance and pension credit and you are getting carers allowance. Then shouldn’t these be used to pay the household bills and not your savings. Could you look at your bills to see if you could some how reduce them . If caring for your mum is becoming To much for you .then like bowlinghun has suggested you need to ask the council for a carers assessment for yourself and a needs assessment for your mum.
@Claire1871 , I’ve been through what you are going through. Even though you have carers allowance (nice one), have you tried Universal Credit? Or PIP? It could prop you up financially. It’s up to you if you ask your siblings for financial help. Not for me to say. Sad that they won’t chip in with help you with care for your mum. Personally, I’d tell them to “do one!” Also, don’t put her in a care home. My mum was in one (not by choice) and once they are “in the system”, it’s difficult to get them back out (my mum died recently in the care home). All they will do is drain you even more financially. This website is a good place to start for information. Try their hotline or send an e-mail to their dedicated staff. They know what’s what. Good luck.