First time posting and new here

Hello, I’m new here and caring for my mum who has recently come out of hospital after a bad fall and needs a lot of care, we both get frustrated and try and sort things out, nice to meet you all

Welcome to the forum. Is mum at her house, or yours?
Was free Reablement Care for 6 weeks, free, arranged?
Does mum have all the aids she needs, after an OT visited?Too often discharges are hurried and disorganised ignoring all the rules!

I was living with my mum before her fall as she was getting very frail and she did have renablement at a care home nearer to home and has now had all the aids but no visits yet but a physio has said she will come out soon and although we were given plenty of help, I was not consulted about her care needs but I assumed what needed to be done and I thought my mum would have more of a follow up to see if she was still improving, the occupational therapists did said my mum had said she did not want carers coming in just me and my mum is trying her best and I’m sure will improve

It’s so unfair when social workers ask a disabled person if they want outside carers! When I read one of mum’s assessments she had said I didn’t want a Carers Assessment. I was newly widowed, newly disabled with a brain damaged son. The only way I could earn a living was by selling off my late husband’s stock of lorry spares. 30 tons of them.

That is so awful, I don’t know how you coped as it must have been so tough and there needs to be more information and help between carers and the medical staff, wishing you all the best

Hi Kate, welcome to the forum.

Your Mum said she didn’t want care workers - but if you had been asked what would you have said?

A lot of elderly people say they don’t need/want carer workers and they either can manage or their relative can do it all. However, it can ease the pressure on the carer and the relationship between carer and caree. Just worth thinking about. Carers who have been in the position you are in now have come up with cunning ways to help their caree accept a care worker - which they can share with you if you decide to have some help.

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That is good to know I would have said to start off with carers to see how she would get on but I understand that my mum was fed up of being looked after and wanted her privacy back and she is trying so hard to get back on her feet again and gets upset and then says that she thinks I want her back in hospital, the hospital physio is coming round to help her next week which Im hoping will help her to get more mobile and confident,thank you for your message, it’s good to know, carers have solutions

@Kate1 Please do not hate me, but older people can be so selfish. What do YOU want? I guess it depends on how much care your mother needs? Sadly this often increases over time. It may take time to get your mother to accept carers but this may be the best option to give YOU any chance of a life of your own. You obviously love your mother very much, and I can understand the thought of people coming into her home is daunting. Please keep posting and let us know how things are going.

Thank you so much, I want to have a bit more freedom and my mum does say she wants me to have a bit more too and is trying to do more, I will keep you informed

Kate, mum needs to have the carers to help YOU too, you are mum’s daughter, not slave! Remember that phrase.
The carers can prepare food for mum, should clean the bath or shower mum uses, put her washing in the machine or dryer, run the vacuum round where mum has been sitting etc. because these are all things I suspect she can’t do at the moment. The first 6 weeks should be FREE. Presumably she is on the highest rate of DLA? Do you have Power of Attorney? If not, it’s a good time to talk to mum about this, and suggest you go through her financial affairs and put them in order.

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I was told I can ask for a carers assessment which I will do as you have all been so helpful and so good to know help is out there, I will start sorting things out, thank you, I felt much lighter now

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Hi Kate and another welcome to the Forum!

I care for my husband who suffered a mild stroke 15 months ago. He keeps apologising for “robbing you of your life” as he puts it. We have no social life - other than me walking the dog (which is a god-send!) and our life revolves around one medical appointment after another. Mobility is badly compromised and he is starting to have cognitive issues. Also prostate cancer has led to major continence problems!

However, life goes on and I have recently been VERY tired and now determined to get a week away as soon as I can sort out someone to stay with him as he needs a ‘babysitter’ rather than traditional care. I know I could probably go to stay with mates but want a quiet cottage in a peaceful area for me and the dog to have some switch off time. I realise now how important that is.

DO take advantage of any offers of help - carers can be a blessing if they just give you a few hours off from the slog of caring. I sound miserable, but it DOES wear you down without you realising.

You’ll find lots of support and good advice on here and no-one every judges or TELLS you what is right for you.

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Thank you so much and hope you can get away and have a lovely time soon

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Hello, Kate1. Your situation is similar to mine in many respects. My caree is very opposed to the idea of carers coming in. Perusal of other posts will show that this is nothing unusual.

In my area there is a scheme that provides emergency care in the event that I have an accident or illness or am unable to care for some similar reason. This care lasts for only three days, however. Your doctor’s surgery may have a caring liaison officer who can advise on caring providers.

I am having a battle with my caree over respite care. My relatives have suggested to me that to have cares coming in during periods when I am away could help to build up a relationship between the caring service and my caree. So if an emergency were to arise she would be dealing with familiar people. Unfortunatly so far my caree is digging her heels in.

Talk to the caring liaison officer at your surgery, if there is one, and see what can be arranged in your case. I wish you better luck than I have had so far.

Thank you so much, I did not know there was one and will ask at the surgery