Feeling depressed after incident at work

All about caring
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Hi all, it’s me again.

I’ve been away for abit. Mums now in a bungalow.

For the past few weeks I’ve been feeling very depressed, I finally confided in a friend about it all, and my role as a carer. He said he would help me.

I’m also undergoing waiting to be assessed for autism after a few health professionals suggested I could be.

This last week I ended up having a really poor performance at work thanks to mental health, and just generally suffering. I seem to be arguing with family a lot over their constant needs for me, and I just cannot do it all anymore.

My appearance was off, and I couldn’t do my work. I had a pretty bad anxiety attack on Thursday and went home after. I had a meeting on Friday with my boss, and now I have to have a formal capability hearing on Thursday. I am scared because I will have to go alone. I’ve never had any disciplinaries in this job in four years.

I’ve now spent the weekend extremely depressed, and extremely scared for the future really. Fears over loosing my job.

I just need support and yet no one wants to provide it. Mums supposed to be getting help from a care coordinator at mh but she’s still waiting for one, and has been for ages. I’ve been in touch with the carers association, although they say they can’t do anymore to help. Though they don’t know about this incident yet. Social services aren’t really interested either.

I’m now extremely scared about this formalised procedure and worry if I can do this going forward. I absolutely love my job, and don’t want to loose it.

My anxiety is through the roof right now, and although I’m trying to get support it’s not the best. Everyone still expects me to be my dad. I’m not him. I haven’t been able to eat much since a few days ago; a cheese pastry, 4 nuggets and a cheese burger is now all I have eaten since Thursday. I can barely sleep. My legs feel like jelly, and I barely want to move.

Yesterday me mum and my sister went out to a shopping centre though I didn’t want to go. I came home after a few hours. Now mum wants me to take her out on a Sunday drive today, and I just don’t want to.

I just want to get my s together, walk into work having cleaned my car, having bought new clothes with a new outlook and say “right’ let’s go forwards.” This could make an impression that really helps me. But no it always has to be about mum. Even then all she wants to talk about is who said what in the pub.

If I loose my job, I’m screwed, but I can’t keep up with mums needs.

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hey @Coolcar98 ,it good to hear from you. glad your mum got somewhere to live. The only thing I can suggest is that you tell the SS or her SW that you can;t keep looking after your mum as it landed you in trouble at work. You do have carers right for work, so you can play that card. you should have the right to have someone with you at the meeting so no one can bully you.

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Your mum has drained the life from you.
We know from your posts that it’s been a terrible time for you over the last year or two.
I honestly believe that the only way you will ever have a happy life is to escape from mum’s endless demands.
In the meantime, talk to ACAS about your rights concerning the meeting.
Do you need the doctor to sign you off sick?

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@Coolcar98……welcome back to the forum. Sorry to hear you’re depressed. Take someone into the hearing at work with you, you’re entitled to have someone else there.

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It’s good that you talked to a friend about it. For the work situation, can you take someone with you to the hearing for support? It might help with the anxiety. I’d also suggest talking to a professional about the stress and anxiety, you deserve support for all the pressure you’re under. You’re doing a lot, and it’s okay to not do it all. Try to take small steps to look after yourself, even if it’s just eating something or resting when you can.

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I can continue to work, I’m going to take some time off in a couple of weeks though. I’m going to contact a doctor as soon as it opens.

Yesterday I did something incredibly stupid in the hopes that it would at least help something. I signed up to do a firewalk for a charity for work. I never cancelled it. I didn’t want to be seen as cancelling stuff and unable to do my job, so I just did it anyway. All I really wanted to do was be at home. I think I only managed it because my legs feel like absolutely jelly right now, and have for days.

I’m having to keep ringing the mental health place near me for support. It’s just so hard.

I fear in a couple of months I will loose my job, and then I won’t be able to pay the rent or have anywhere to go.

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Talk to ACAS today. They are the experts in Emp loyment Law.

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I contacted social services about this, and I have received nothing back whatsoever. It feels like no one cares. No acknowledgement of anything either. No interest from them about my potential autism which could be why I find caring so difficult, and mums needs too hard to meet. It’s just a joke.

I’ve had the meeting. I never told mum about it. Not sure what the outcome really was. I haven’t come away with any warnings at all. Just a formal meeting by the idea of things.

I’m just feeling like everything is going wrong for me at the moment. I’ve spoken to doctors twice now but I am getting nowhere at all.
Just feeling very dismissed.