Feeling depressed

Hi, I posted the other day about how I didn’t want to be a carer to my mum. Well I am now starting to feel really depressed and neglected. I feel like I am alone and I have no one not anymore. Ever since my dad died my mum expects me to be there all the time, I can’t even just pop to the shop without her crying because I’m apparently neglecting her and leaving her. I’ve told her if I could swap places with my dad then I would but I can’t. Other people keep getting involved too, and calling me selfish when I all I want to do is live for myself and sleep in my own bed at night. Im afraid for when I leave uni, I’m already scared about the long term effects of this pandemic on graduates. I’ll have to work full time, but I don’t think I’ll be able to because she won’t live by herself, nor will she accept help. After completing uni what’s the point of putting myself through 21 years of education just to earn £60 a week caring for her. It’s just not fair.

I feel bad because everyday I just wish she wasn’t a part of my life which I know is a horrible thing to say. Her clock is ticking herself, she is severely overweight, has joint problems, and diabeties. Sometimes I’m not even sure I care that she has these illnesses. The doctor knows about them and tries to help her, but nothing ever works. It’s looking she will never loose weight at all. I know that leads to all sorts of risk factors, but there’s nothing I can do. Her disabilities are limiting her movement, so she can’t even properly walk for extended periods of time. Her weight will just get worse and worse until something does go wrong. She’s in her mid 50’s now which I know is a key age to develop certain illnesses, like my dad did.

I’ve always believed everything happens for a reason. I know it’s niave but I seem to understand that things have often in some ways gone my way.

You’re very young to have to contend with the responsibility that caring for a parent entails, and you really don’t have to do it all, you’re entitled to have your own life. I’ve added a link to your other topic below (just in case you can’t find it), if you give us some answers, we can help.


I wonder if mum has ever lived alone?
How old was she when she married?
I was widowed suddenly when I was 54, it’s really tough.
Has mum joined "“Way Up” an online forum for widows?? It was really helpful to me.

Why is mum so constantly frightened?
Does she have a mobile phone, a Lifeline Pendant?
When did she last have a Needs Assessment from Social Services? If she is very disabled there are all sorts of things to help her, but she must ask.

You must keep going out, for longer and longer periods, so she gets used to being alone.
What cannot she do for herself?
The bottom line is that either she does more for herself, or she moves into sheltered housing of residential care.