I feel I have come to a full stop with sorting stuff out for Dad.
Finance POA was registered with bank last year and with his ccupational pension, Council Tax has been stopped for his house, broadband cancelled, DWP notified.
Still POAs to register with utilities and address changes to do, delayed doing these due to Dadās initial temporary care status/ his own insistence he wanted to go home despite safety concerns.
Also need to look into his life insurance policies/funeral costs and Will/potential property issues, possible rental.
I have literally run out of mental energy and motivation to do this stuff, aside from the fact that looking after my own home and Dadās home, taking care of my own health and visiting Dad in the care home has drained my energy.
Any tips to help and motivate would be appreciated. I try to take regular breaks but this doesnāt seem to be enough (5+ years of doing this non-stop probably hasnāt helped).
You know that āone-click does it allā online thing that notifies various agencies when someone dies? Someone needs to set up a similar thing for when people are still alive - just saying!
Hi @Liz29ā¦I can only sympathise. I used to run a charity, with all the payroll and bill paying headaches, chasing Trustees for second signatures, health and safety checks, and all the rest (and there was a lot of it)ā¦but sorting out Mumās flat issues and the move into care, the LPA and all the rest of it felt so much more difficult to do.
I think some of it was needing to accept that my Mum now needed someone else to be the adult.
That said, when she diedā¦the ātell us onceā thing didnāt work as well as it should have. But yes - I do like the idea!
The only way you are going to be free from all this is to sell the house or hand it over to the councilās Client Affairs Team.
I had years of looking after my brothers house and mumās house, Iāll never get those years back again and now Iām too disabled to do look after my own house nicely.
I think you have hit the nail on the head there with now being the adult in the relationship. I have had 6 years of adulting with Dad. I need to go off and play for a while!
Sorry your ātell us onceā thing didnāt work as it should, maybe some organisations are more in the loop and organised than others, depending on where you live and who deals with the communications.
Yes, I was only saying to someone recently that I will be glad to get rid of the house. Dad is insistent he wants me/my sibling to have it (as per his Will) but we both explained to him that neither of us need it/want it, so thatās another hurdle .
I am just dreading if it is rented out, I can only imagine the work that will entail.
Do you have Power of Attorney?
Have you considered using a letting agent?
Then the agent will be responsible for managing the property and drawing up paperwork, a formal tenancy agreement (with deposit!) and all utility bills go to niece.
Yes, I have both Finance/Property and Health POAs. Funny, I was thinking about using an agent after I replied back to your last comment. Yes, that would be a lot easier.
Only thing is, it probably wonāt be long before his care home fees use up his savings, exceed his pensions and the rent payments, which will then mean selling the house, so I canāt see the renting situation lasting very long.
Have you worked out exactly when they will go below Ā£23,000?
A financial advisor could do this for you, if needed.
The house would have to be in good order before renting it out, and probably empty.
Again, you could ask a letting agent exactly what would be needed, and the cost.
I would do everything formally, no informal arrangements with family members as that could end up being a heap of trouble!
You could consider asking the people from next door if they would like to rent before buying?
What is wrong with dad?
Is he getting highest Attendance Allowance?
Funded Nursing Care?
That is another problem, I am still awaiting a bill for Dadās care from admission till now! Canāt really afford a financial advisor and need to preserve Dadās savings for his care, plus would need to ask Dad before doing that as he still has mental capacity.
No I definitely wouldnāt do an informal arrangement, someone did say to me ages ago about getting it all done formally.
Dad has heart problems, mobility issues and based on recent behavior might be heading towards Dementia.
He refused previously to claim any benefits from government when I bought it up.
He has savings well above 23,000 threshold and a house, although my guestimate would be his savings might last 9 - 12 months maximum, not sure what you mean by funded nursing care and whether he would meet criteria for it.
You can work out how long his money will last by yourself..
Start by writing down all his income on an annual basis. Be careful with benefits, often paid every 28 days, not monthly. As you have POA you can claim Attendance Allowance on his behalf. Itās not charity, heās paid towards it all his working life! Add that to your calculation of annual income, then divide it by 52 to give a weekly amount.
Then do the same for annual outgoings, and divide by 52.
Then work out the shortfall, how much you have to top up every week.
Funded Nursing Care is an allowance for people in nursing care. Itās 10 years since mum died, ask Google for up to date details. Not means tested.
I think you need to talk confidentially to the Care Quality Commission about the lack of invoices, that is totally out of order!
Depending on how dad was admitted will affect finances too. The first few weeks are assessed on income only, not assets.
Please take this as a rough guide from someone who has been through it all for her mum, but also accounting qualifications.
If you Google Charging for care and look at the .gov pages all the rules are there. Feel free to message me.
On the subject of life insurance policies, when my brother was dying of cancer in Uruguay, I had to empty and sell his house.10 years of paperwork to trawl through! However I found two policies which had a clause that as he had a terminal illness they would pay out immediately. He had no idea about these!
Incidentally I didnāt need to change utility bills into my name, as I had POA, but it was the older type. I told the bank and had a debit card. Especially easy as we both banked with HSBC.
Will have a look at Attendance Allowance. Have been trying to get around to working out all his calculations for ages, trying to find the time without everyday tasks, commitments and interruptions is the problem. Will try to get it done over bank holidays.
Dad is not in nursing care, he is in residential care, donāt know if that makes a difference.
Dad was admitted from his own home (had previously had hospital admissions), first few weeks were his āfreeā weeks, then social worker meeting, . As savings were above 23,000 threshold social worker said he would be āself fundingā. At no time in any of the process was his income mentioned.
Anyway thank you so much for all your help and advice, this is a lot to take on by myself. Dealing with my own finances is one thing, dealing with someone elseās property and money is another matter!
Ten years of paperwork!!? Dad has 2 policies but need to find out how much they are worth as problems if not enough to cover funeral costs. Unlikely any company will let someone of his age year old take out a new life policy or funeral plan to top it up, my own funeral plan has a cut off age of 85.
I am going to have to contact Dadās utilities, only energy, water and boiler cover to do. Bank/POA have been working well, everything for Dad comes to me since I registered POA last year.
No, you donāt have to change the name, just leave it in dadās name, paying from his account. Believe me. Any debts must be in dadās name, not yours, but it might be easier to change the address for correspondence to you.
No need to do completely individual letters. Just one basic letter headed with dadās name and address, headed with dadās name and address, saying Iām writing to let you know dad is now in a care home, you have POA, please address all correspondence to me at my address.
I used to manage accounts for a hospital, turned it round from worst to best performing in Western Australia in 2 years!
I appreciate this is all new to you., at one time I had PoA for son, mum, brother and mum in law.
I would suggest buying two lever arch file, some plastic sleeves, a hole punch and some extra wide cardboard or Mylar dividers.
Over a few evenings, hereās how to take control of the paperwork.
Sort out all the bills into piles, gas, electric, water etc.
Then sort them into date order, ditch any older than 2 years, staple them together, and put them in a plastic sleeve, newest bill on top.
Label the dividers gas, electric etc.
Make sure they are all paid from dadās account monthly.
Do the same for his pensions etc.
Make sure the bank statements come to you, then you will have all you need to know without any effort.
Use the other ring binder in a similar fashion, for jobs. Put all the relevant paperwork in a sleeve, write down the name address, phone number of your contact. For example, the nursing home details.
USE EMAIL, not the phone, then you have a record of everything. I even printed these off.
Put anything that needs doing in this jobs file in order of importance. Usually itās easier to deal with no more than one a day.
Hopefully after a couple of weeks the endless papers are now filed, and you are in control.
I know itās awful to think about, but when dad dies you will need all the information to apply for probate.
Donāt worry either about how to pay for the funeral. Funeral directors send a bill which you then forward to the bank, and the bank pay the funeral director immediately.
I hope this helps you feel less out of your depth. Just ask if Iāve missed anything.
No, I havenāt changed the name on anything, everything is still in Dadās name, just with my address to send correspondence and me as attorney. So far only the bank, council tax and his occupational pension are done, I notified DWP of his new address, they didnāt need POA. All these were done late last year/early this year. His bank statements and all bank stuff have been coming to my address since last year when I registered POA with bank.
I do keep everything in paper format where possible and write EVERYTHING down on paper. Some things that are too numerous and would be too costly to keep printing (such as taxi fares paid out related to Dad), I have taken screenshots from the taxi app and saved to a USB stick.
Everything is already sorted in filing boxes with dividers. I did buy ring binders etc itās just having the time to sort it all, throw out the older stuff, hence I am trying to utilize bank holidays when most things come to a halt.
I am usually a very organized person, always have been, I think it is just the sheer volume of stuff that needs dealing with and trying to fit it into an already busy and tiring life, visiting dad in the home and checking on and maintaining dadās home and mine. By the evening most days I am just exhausted and end up sleeping in the chair!
The probate I am dreading, not to mention if/when the house has to be sold! Thanks once again for your support and advice, very much appreciated.
Hi Liz, I am in a similar situation to you and I find it difficult to get motivated to do all the admin tasks too at times. Itās been going on for 5 years for me too. I try and follow the advice I was given a while back when I was told that discipline beats motivation. I sometimes put things off for a while because I canāt get motivated but then crack on regardless. Thing is, I always feel better once Iāve caught up. Any outstanding tasks like that tend to hang over me until that point.
I ācatch upā once month after the most recent bank statement has arrived. I update my records then and catch up on filing. There are always things to do in between of course eg contacting companies and organising things/putting things in place. I go through spells where all of a sudden there are loads of new things to do and that feels pretty overwhelming. I keep a āto doā list on my phone at those times.
The life balance issue can be difficult of course as it can be difficult juggling all the tasks, doing everything for my own house and family and doing things to look after myself. When things get very busy it feels like itās all about my parents and other things fall away eg the cleanliness of my house and I get a bit down if Iām not having enough time for me.
On a practical note, in case you arenāt aware you might be able to put a stop on water bills if the house is unoccupied. We were able to do that for up to a year. Also, you might want to check the house insurance policy as if a house is unoccupied for a while you tend to have to let the insurer know. One Iāve dealt with changes the terms of the policy once itās unoccupied beyond a certain number of days. Someone has to check the house over once a week and keep a record of inspections and they say you should turn the stopcock off, apart from certain months in the year when they say you can keep the heating on low (but constant) if you prefer rather than leaving the heating off completely.
Hi there! Thanks for your reply. Funny, I am reading a couple of books on productivity at the moment, the author was saying exactly what you have said, that once things are actually done, you do feel so much better and I do find that is true.
Thanks for your suggestion of doing a monthly catch up. I do a monthly check up for Dadās finances, it would make sense to also do his filling at that time too.
I did notify the insurance company a short time after Dad went into the care home and told them it was unoccupied, they said they would keep it insured until the renewal date, at a slightly increased cost (about an extra 2 pounds a month on his direct debit). After that, they will not insure the home and itās contents. Now I need to find an insurer who will cover it when his policy runs out, if there is anyone who will provide cover.
I usually go to the house a few times a week to make it look lived in - itās not that far away.
I havenāt turned off the water. In the process of registering POA with the water company, they suggested a water meter (which I agreed to) as it is unoccupied and using less water. I canāt turn it off completely as it is needed for watering the garden (again to make the house look lived in) and I sometimes need water for cleaning jobs at the house. The heating is off at the moment but did keep it on through the winter.
I now have multiple toādo lists for various things, as well as a current daily list plus a jobs folder now as suggested by @bowlingbun.
I know what you mean, a lot of my own stuff doesnāt get done now, apart from laundry and washing up which are unavoidable. Must be difficult for you doing this along with having a family to look after as well, I only have myself to look after and it still feels like too much! I can relate to the frustration of not having enough time for myself, maybe 10 minutes before bedtime if I havenāt fallen asleep already!
My brother was often away from home for long periods, but my son would sleep there a few times a month to keep the insurance going. Maybe check with dadās insurers about this?
There are definitely some insurers who can provide insurance on unoccupied houses. Not many but last time I looked, a quick search for āinsurance for unoccupied housesā came up with at least a few possible companies.
Things can get extra overwhelming at times as my teenage son has autism and several medical problems. We were all shaken up yesterday (and exhausted today) as he collapsed and looked like he was fitting. He is doing ok now though. Just tired and easily frustrated/short fused.
, will find out about that.