Hello! I’m struggling with caring for my parents. My mum suffered a severe stroke back in February and my step-dad has Aspergers. He refuses to have a live-in carer and the council refuse to pay for that anyway. So I’m constantly under pressure to look after him and my mum who has complex physical needs and suffering from intense fatigue a lot of the time due to the catastrophic stroke (it’s a miracle she’s alive).
I’m self-employed but might need to get a job as I’ve lost opportunities to go out and find more business due to putting my parents first this year. I have no partner to help me pay the bills.
If I go back into employment, I’ll need to pull away from them.
My step-dad’s Aspergers brings with it huge complications and extra pressure - he’s very retiring and introverted, and doesn’t have any friends to support him or my mum. So it’s just me and mum’s carers. My sibling live too far away to offer hands-on help.
He also has a tendency to be inconsistent with important information (so I need to manage his appointments and mum’s complicated care requirements). He will hold back his opinion because he thinks I never listen to him, then it might come out at a later date, ruining plans I’ve put in place for them both.
I think I’ve hit my limit today - I feel like I’m beginning to stop caring. I think I’m emotionally broken from the non-stop battles to get mum the healthcare she needs and deserves, and think around my step-dad’s neurodivergence.
If anyone has any words of wisdom, please direct them in my direction as I’m feeling terrible about things.
@EMGEMG you are experiencing carer’s burnout and compassion fatigue. It’s no wonder. You NEED a break. If your Mum can manage with her care visits whilst you are away/taking time out for you or whether she needs to go into respite then that’s what needs to happen.
Do they both get highest disability benefits?
Do you have Power of Attorney for mum?
Do they own or rent their house?
Do they have over £46,000 in savings? Yes/No?
You simply can’t go on like this., something has to change, before you have a total breakdown.
In the process of securing benefits (attendance allowance secured for my mum already).
In process of getting LPAs done.
Own their home.
My mum’s savings are about to reach the Financial Assessment threshold for council contribution.
Is that mum is going below or above the limit?
Stepdad?
When did both of them last have a Needs Assessment, and you, a Carers Assessment?
I too was a carer for mum and son in my case, and self employed. Very hard
@EMGEMG
Wisdom needed, is a wise starting point.
It is in my experience possible to improve all situations with your premise,
Small acts of self care can build up to taking a stand against powerlessness.
Discard as autumnal leaf 
if not useful
Ment for questions to self not for answering on forum,
What have you done well
what do you value about the way you are
What’s your main area of worry/ concern,
What are the risks if you don’t address this,
Commit to one small or large change, commit to one action, i want to do this because……
who will I call on for help, when and how,
Once this thing has been addressed how would you like things to be in the future,
You inspired me to research these questions / qualities for me,
Thank you Ula
@EMGEMG Might be worth writing to their GP and explaining what is going on and how it is so difficult for you to cope. You cannot be MADE to care and you have every right to have a job. Are you at the same Surgery? If so the GP has a duty of care to you too. Unfortunately whilst you continue to help out, they will let you do it even if you end up totally and utterly broken. Do you have a local ‘Support for Carers’? If so, might be worth making contact and talking through options with them? You have EVERY right to a life of your own. I would frankly write to the GP and say that you are ‘stepping back’ for your own mental health and that they are vulnerable adults and see what happens then. Hard to do I know but you are at breaking point.
Very recently actually so nothing will change. My carers assessment resulted in £500 one off payment which hasn’t appeared after 3 months.
Thanks for your input. My mum’s GP is aware. My GP just told me to increase my anti depressants. It’s pointless. The problem is the massive gap in resources at the NHS and council.
Trouble is a/d not the answer and neither is increasing the dose. Can only send cyber hugs. But seriously please think about talking it through if you have a local ‘Support for Carers’. You cannot be made to care and if you were able to back off and I totally get how hard this would be, support would have to be given.
I refuse to take a/d’s. I know I’m not depressed. I am absolutely fed up with Social Services, but having nearly died twice, I want to live the best I can, not doped up!
@bowlingbun I am the same BB. I wont take them even though a close friend told me she took them when caring for her mother and what made me ‘special’ by refusing to take them! I would point out that she struggled to come off them. Like you, I am just fed up with ‘the system’ and everything being such a fight.
@selinakylie @bowlingbun This country is in deep trouble. Local mental health services are appalling (I’m in Suffolk) and would make life more stressful for me (I’ve used them before - it was awful). I’m not increasing my dose as it took me a couple of years to decrease following a breakdown (caused my another issue in my life). Just need to keep fighting.
@EMGEMG You are so right - lack of geriatric mental health beds is one ongoing issue. Also my issue at the moment is trying to get a diagnosis of dementia for my husband. He was discharged from the Memory Clinic in May 2023 after passing rest even though scan showed moderate brain atrophy. At the Pulm Rehab course the Physio who used to work in a Memory Clinic mentioned Dementia and messaged Surgery. They were great and had him in and referred him to the Memory Clinic who refused the referral. So we are back for more blood tests then another GP app when we hopefully will get re refered. Heaven knows how long the wait will be. Hospitals used to test for Dementia when the elderly were admitted but this has been stopped now. I think the NHS is trying to hide the number of elderly who have Dementia as they do not want and are not able to provide support.
Lack of hospital beds too which is why they are trying to bring in ‘Virtual Wards’. I will fight this if I get asked to do it as to me it makes Carers 24/7 slaves with no medical training. What on earth did we pay our tax for?
In reply to… Wisdom needed - feel like I’ve stopped caring…
Caring for parents can be a very soul-wrenching, heart-breaking experience for anyone because there’s no escaping the knowledge of the true reality that things can only get more difficult.
It adds to the heart-break of having to witness your loved ones suffer whilst constantly remembering all the events of theirs, yours and the family experiences of the past and now knowing how much they genuinely will be need of your help…
Even if they can’t accept (or even pretent not to accept) the eventuality of what the future really holds for you all as a family.
Your mum suffering her stroke will have been very life changing for her (both physically and mentally) and it’s not just the struggle with the physical aspects resulting from the consequences of the stroke.
There’s the change in personality due to having to live with the frustrations of coping with everyday life and losing that independence in which we all just take for granted.
Meaning your mum will be at times angry, emotional and depressed and there’s always a certainty she’ll express that pent-up anger towards others around her, especially you.
For your step-dad, there’s possibly been a very massive life changing experience for him because there’s always (and bearing in mind his Aspergers, his mental health issues that would go with it and the need for possible routine, stability and having someone to care for him) - been a partner (your mum) by his side.
Your step-dad will be feeling the impact of these great changes and certainly will be experiencing some difficulties himself. Again. What he perhaps took for granted in the past and what was his normal life and routine have been obliterated by your mum’s devastating (and life changing) stroke.
For any partner in these circumstances, their lives can change very much as well because they’ve taken their other partner for granted that they’ll always just be there and even more so if the other partner (such as your mum) have done so much for them.
There’s this sudden, unexpected life change and the impact can be so profound.
Underneath all of this burden, is the one person who gets forgotten and that’s you.
It can feel like you are shouldering the entire blame for your parents world falling apart in such tragic circumstances and both are now looking to you for some kind of resolve to their very difficult situation.
Let’s be honest. Your step-father was probably very reliant upon your mum to look after him whilst she was physically fit and active and he now feels the need to turn to you for that help.
Of course, your mums health has now possibly sadly deteriorated further because of the her stroke (which would be expected because of how severe it was).
As you mum’s complex needs become more intense by the day, you are now becoming the full-time carer they both really need and are quickly becoming very dependent upon.
You’re feeling the constant pressure to look after your step-dad and it’s likely he’s already beginning to expect more from you because firstly, his partner (your mum) can’t help him anymore but he’d possibly relied upon her for help and now, he’s turning to you more and more.
Your step-dad is becoming more dependent upon you to care for his needs and as time moves on a little, he’ll know exactly when to time everything in order to get your full attention, whilst at the same time, so will your mum.
For you… It’s going to get harder and there’s no easy way to honestly put it.
You’re self-employed but may need to get an extra job because of lost opportunities. Unfortunately, it’s going to be a hard one in that department.
Firstly. As you are already experiencing, the care of your parents is now taking a very strong hold upon your life. Being self-employed of course, means your work is about interacting with your own clients/customers in order to do the jobs needed for them.
You are now in a position where you are going to find it much harder to meet your obligations and unfortunately, as we all know, in the world of business, finance and commerce, the flow of sympathy/empathy/compassion very soon becomes not so graciously forthcoming.
The customers want their work done and very sadly, in the world of business (as your are already in the process of finding out through hard experience) the clients will quickly search elsewhere to have their needs met.
Your work is being severely interrupted because of your parents vital health care needs and it’s obvious you can’t be in two places at once.
Yes… You are losing business, which of course means losing money because you are really struggling to commit to your work under these difficult circumstances.
How can you earn extra money to make up for the loss?.. Try looking for a job in which you work for an employer (employed position) to suppliment the financial loss.
A good, positive idea. However… There will be another complicated problem which may put you in even a worse position.
Although being self-employed is a massive problem in itself with regard to attaining a regular income (compared to the ‘set monthly salary’ of ‘regular’ employment), it needs to be borne in mind that you have an element of control with regard to your time.
Whether you work (as an employee) ‘nine to five’ (days) or perhaps in the evening (say six to ten) or any set hours for that matter, there’s the first consideration of the very high possibility of your parents calling you whilst at work.
As soon as they have ascertained the hours you work, they’ll be calling you at the precise moment you either leave for work to start the shift or even time it just right to call you when you are on your break.
Then there’s the problem of being called out of work when you are in the middle of a project with a team or on a machine with a work partner and you need to abruptly leave your place of work…
It’s a cruel reality of business life in which the sympathy of colleagues and managers is yet again rather sadly not going to be too forthcoming.
There are many people who become unofficial carers who suddenly realise this awakening which can be frightening, especially if they are totally new to being a carer.
This only adds to the feelings of total isolation when this life-changing situation occurs.
Your step-dad’s Aspergers appears to be a challenging situation in itself and now your mum is seriously in need of intense, ongoing care herself, your step-dad will certainly be struggling with his own self-care needs.
As you’ve written… He doesn’t have any friends to help him and that is something else people find themselves discovering. A new reality emerges.
When a partner falls ill, it’s surprising how many friends seem to disappear from their lives (even if they genuinely were very popular and had many, many friends before and a truly active social life).
For your step-dad, it must be very difficult as from what you’ve written, he didn’t have any close friends and his partner (your mum) was the main, predominant social person in his life.
Being an introverted and socially retiring type of man, it’s going to be even more difficult for him to meet other people socially because he’s dealing with his own problems, his partner’s as well as trying hard to comprehend what’s happening to his world.
You write that your mother has carers. Unfortunately, even if carers are regularly visiting during the day, there’s only a limited time they can spend with their service users/patients.
A very, very understandable assumption made by those new to caring is the honest belief their lives will be immediately restored when their loved one receives their ‘package of care’.
Unfortunately. The limited time-frame of attendance by the carers (can only be half an hour or even less), means the rest of the time, their loved one/family member needs to be taken care of.
As the social, welfare and health services prefer to use the term… ‘It is for the family to continue with the ongoing care when the carers leave at the end of their (time-limited) session’…
You say your step-dad has refused to have a ‘live-in’ carer, which in all fairness, both he and your mum could benefit greatly from the service.
Unfortunately. For a start, it’s not surprising your step-dad has refused because it could be at least part due to his Aspergers making him feel uncomfortable with the idea and from what you have written, he seems a man who would feel rather uncomfortable at the thought of having a stranger (even if a professional carer) in the house.
The intimacy, change of routine and the possible re-organisation of things in the house and also just the thought of any changes happening are enough to put possible stress upon your step-dad.
Not only is the idea for a live-in carer only a fleeting one due to your step-dad’s undertstandable insecurities, there’s the issue of cost. Of course, the financial aspects become apparent as the council refuse to pay.
Of course, presumably (like most of these issues concerning the care of those in need), it is all about being financially ‘means tested’.
Another problem that becomes apparent is the possibility of getting other family members to help. Understandably (you mention a sibling), other family members are not always available because they are either very busy dealing with their own lives or just live too far away.
An often cruel and unfortunate reality occurs within families with regard to caring for loved ones, is that they cannot always be relied upon when situations arise.
Sadly (but it is the true reality of family life), even what was considered a close family can soon distance themselves from the problems facing their loved ones in desperate need of help and care.
Sure enough, it’s not very long before the harsh realisation soon becomes apparent… That is the responsibility of care becomes empowered upon the weary shoulders of just one or two family members.
Often (as you are already discovering for yourself)… Just one family member.
Your step-dad’s inconsistence with any information with regards to your mum’s appointments, his own appointments and any issues concerning the management/financial control of the house and so on all stem from his being used to your mum very possibly doing everything for him.
The change in lifestyle for both of them has brought upon your step-dad a totally new world of experiences he’s perhaps never been used to because your mum probably did so much for him behind the scenes.
This often happens and when one partner falls ill, the other suddenly finds themselves at times, totally lost as many couples rely on just one partner to do things like the house finances (such as organising and paying the bills).
There’s a possibility your step-dad feels (at times) helpless, frustrated and as a result will feel and express that you don’t listen to him.
That’s because he’s constantly looking for something or someone else to blame all of the time for his own, new found struggles in life.
The sad thing is… You can only do so much to help them. Everytime you come with a solution to a problem or try to organise an aspect of their care, any belated information or change of plan (from your step-dad) will of course make your own life much more complicated because you’ve got to re-think a new strategy.
This is now becoming a strenuous, never ending fight for you, in which you are being worn down emotionally (and physically) as each day passes.
Both of your parents are each suffering in their own ways.
Your mum is obviously and immediately suffering both physically and mentally by her very serious, life-changing stroke and she will still be having great difficulty coming to terms with the hard reality that her life will never be the same again…
It will be a lot harder and a struggle…
For your step-dad, the same applies again because his physical health could be at risk without having your mum to care for him and help organise his life. It needs to be borne in mind, that he very possibly relied upon your mum much more than you could have imagined.
Even for him, life will be a lot harder, a struggle and a need to adapt to the ongoing changes because if not, you’ll be working a lot harder to look after them both.
You’re in a very difficult situation and there’s the ever popular issue now affecting so many people just like yourself and having to fight their way through a very complicated situation.
Where can you get the help you need?..
Admittedly. The following isn’t of course going to be a great deal of help to you but it’s still important to keep repeating the message and drilling it into the people, the importance of how so many like yourself are suffering and not receiving the adequate help and advice they so desperately need.
The problem is very quickly becoming apparent with regard to getting the care needed for your mum.
Simply take (for example) a trip to the doctor…
As always (and that includes everyone), there’s the issue of trying to get a place for any form of consultation with a medical professional such as simply trying to get a possible five minutes with them.
Even then, you’ll possibly have to accept a so-called ‘telephone consultation’ and that’s difficult enough just for yourself - let alone trying to do it for someone else in your care.
Bearing in mind that a telephone consultation can involve being called when you are not available because there’s no definite time they’ll call (because it’s just a ‘time slot’) and that makes things difficult if you are working or doing other important things…
There’s all of the frustration with regard to getting the medical help you need and that alone (by just fighting to get the initial consultation with the doctor) is enough to make you feel very ill.
Sadly. What many of us perceive as either incompetance, poor management, a certain element of the doctor’s surgery not giving any consideration for the struggling patients…
All can be honestly put down to the usual explanations of there not being enough time, resourses, staff, financial funding and an overwhelming caseload after caseload of patients in need of various forms of care.
Somehow, there’s a feeling of that burden of blame being placed upon the service users/patients themselves. You already know that when you either contact or go into these places…
You are constantly reminded how much of their time you are consuming, merely by even contacting them… Hence the importance of the notices around the surgery rather politely, yet forcefully reminding everyone to try to avoid contacting them and go somewhere else.
Leading on to the next issue…
Yes… It can be well and truly agreed that the governments all over the world are considered guilty of incompetance, poor management of their health/welfare/social service organisations and are certainly failing the very people who desperately need their help.
Yet this ongoing failure seems to be systematic in it’s behaviour… The failure is aimed towards the desperate people in need…
Yet in the business world of the high flying, circulating corporate vultures…
What is considered a great failure to everyone on the ground and fighting for the survival of their very selves and their families is in fact the journey to great success in achieving ambitions and objectives far above and beyond.
Going back to your own struggles…
Firstly. Your step-dad doesn’t want a live in carer. Putting his own feelings aside, he could benefit greatly (and certainly so could you) by having someone always close by and with the professional caring knowledge to assist him and your mum.
The issue of finance immediately arises. Of course, the council/welfare authorities won’t pay for a live-in carer because they’ll be a needs assessment and financial criteria to adhere to.
As always… As everyone knows… Or put it another way… As those who don’t know will quickly find out… If you have your own money… You don’t get any financial help.
From what you have written about your mum, she seriously will be in need of extra help and it’s only fair to be brutally honest and seriously question if your step-dad will be able to cope.
At present, you are just about managing to organise your parents care needs but this can only be temporary because (as you are already finding out for yourself), the demands of their care are going to be too much.
Without the ongoing support of his partner (which he had in the past), it’s very doubtful your step-dad will be able to look after himself properly - let alone look after your mum.
Just from what you have written, it’s not going to work out.
Even if you were to give up your job/career and become a live-carer yourself, it’s going to be one massive challenge looking after your step-dad because he’s very possibly going to become more and more dependent upon you for his needs.
That’s just him alone… Adding on the caring of your mum who will now (and in future even more) be very dependent upon you to care for her needs and it raises the issue of you being seriously able to do so.
However you look at things… Both will be in serious need of professional help, advice and ongoing care. You can only help… However. There’s going to be a need for your parents to have actual professional care which you are not qualified to give.
Admittedly. The ongoing costs with regard to any form of care are always a complex, technical issue in themselves and (very understandably) there’s the very emotional issue of having to face and discuss the issues of paying for care.
Whatever your parents feelings about this subject may be, it’s unfortunately a conversation both of them need to have with you.
This isn’t just about them… It’s about you as well and how all of this could effect your own mental and physical health.
It’s horrible and hard but there’s no other way of dealing with it.
Your mum is in serious need of care from professional services and may genuinely need to consider either a full, ongoing package of care (involving as many visits in the day and night if possible) or even having to consider residential care.
Even your step-dad is going to need help himself. Although his situation is not as critical as your mum’s, your step-dad could benefit from some help.
At least, if you could help sort out your mum’s care needs (even by having regular carers) at least it will relieve some of the workload for you.
Looking after your step-dad would then be perhaps just a little easier and (if he can be persuaded) there’s the possibility of considering some extra help for him with regard to caring for himself, such as the visiting carers who could help advise on that issue.
Looking into some kind of day centre type activities for your step-dad may be worth researching or voluntary/community groups that are local to you could help pave the way for him gaining some social experience and maybe some learning/practical skills…
All worth considering and it’s obviously up to your parents to seriously consider these things.
Again… It’s not only just about them (as everything centres on those who are in need of the care) but it’s about you as well wanting to live your life.
You want to help all you can but there comes a time when it becomes out of your sphere as an unqualified carer and the time comes for the professionals to help.
What you are also experiencing with regard to caring is that feeling of isolation and helplessness with regard to getting any help and advice from the health and welfare services.
There is a massive care crisis looming and the people very sadly are either unable to acknowledge the situation or they are even too afraid to acknowledge there’s a crisis coming to us all.
You’ve mentioned a payment towards the care costs (from government) and that doesn’t seem to be forthcoming very quickly - as always happens anyway with these financial issues.
Of course, everything is subject to these ‘assessments’ such as for those needing help with care. The problem being that this involves someone filling in a form or two and asking some generic questions in a very short space of time and this doesn’t really create a full understanding of what’s really going on in peoples lives.
You’ve been told to increase your anti-depressants, which unfortunately is only going to mask over the problem and further encourage your own mental health problems.
For the corporate enterprises of medicine, the drugs are doing them a great favour but the underlying issues connected to mental health problems are not being at all addressed.
More and more people in the future are going to need care and at the same time, more and more people will be suffering with their mental health.
All of this forthcoming crisis, is affecting the many suffering people and is already falling comfortably into the bosom of the corporate vultures and their plan to steer the health and welfare services into ‘private’, corporate control.
As you have written, there’s an ongoing, desperate feeling of it all being pointless when it comes to seeking help and advice.
The reason it feels so pointless is because in many ways it is genuinely pointless… Pointless due to a lot of incompetence.
Yet incompetence is often (well, always) to blame for many errors in the health, welfare and social systems of all countries in the world.
However. What is always overlooked by everyone, is the fact that incompetence is part of a journey to efficiency and success for the sake of making financial gain.
For what appears as incompetence is a very clever masquerade to curate within the people in desperated need of help a sublime means of direction towards alternative ways of acquiring that much needed help and advice.
You only need to walk into a local doctors surgery/health clinic and immediately be met by a notice telling you either not to queue outside too early before opening or the notices dotted around the waiting room/reception area softly suggesting you could use an alternative to seeing a doctor/practice nurse.
Corporate privatisation is very slowly, silently and carefully being implemented into our public health services, wherever anybody lives in the world. People don’t believe it but it’s happening.
Although perhaps the topic of another debate…
You’ve undoubtedly stood in your local bank/building society (perhaps whilst trying to inquire about helping to manage your parents financial affairs) and witnessed older couples struggle into the bank and stand at the back of the queue…
What happens? Whilst struggling to stand in the already long, disgruntled and crowded queue and full well knowing they’ll have to wait ages because there’s only a couple of customer assistants on duty, they decide to leave and come back later.
All part of a very clever, corporate (and psychological) move to direct the people away from the bank and go online…
Do the poor, weary older couple come back later? Well… They try (laden with shopping)but suddenly realise with great disappointment and exasperation their local bank/building society branch now closes it’s doors even earlier in the afternoon.
There’s always someone there, however… Just before that door slams shut in the poor souls weary faces, to (a little more politely than a doctors receptionist) tell them they can go online.
If the door is already slammed shut, there’s always a happy poster to tell you to go online instead and always remember how much they are there for you…
A clever, manipulative, sublime and psychological manoever to direct the people into doing what the business wants them to do.
A method of wearing people down emotionally.
The poor people find it forever harder and harder to have the will to make their own choices anymore and put it down to incompetence…
Incompetence can be a disguise for great intelligence, cunning and brilliant understanding of the peoples stuggles to manipulate them into doing what the businesses want whilst taking their limited, yet very hard earned money.
The corporate vultures are at work and casting their spell…
This is just the same situation already happening for anyone struggling to get their appointments with the appropriate health professionals.
They go to find the health centres or doctors surgeries doors closed earlier and earlier with either a receptionist or a poster on the door curtly telling the weary patients to use their online services for advice, call the local/national health advice line number or come back again in the morning and see if they can get an appointment.
The good, mild mannered people lose their patience and become angry, only to make their desperate plight even harder.
For how the system is cleverly administered, it is designed to entice those elements of deep, hidden frustration within the people, manifesting in their anger towards the hard working, hard pressed staff who don’t really know to help the people because it’s not their fault…
The creation of an opportunity therefore arises to reduce the hours of surgery opening to the public.
Whatever happens… Please don’t wait and queue before they open…
There’s no doubt about it and there’s no way anyone can deny what is happening in the world today… It’s certainly there for us all to witness and that’s a great number of people struggling with their everyday lives.
There’s going to be so many people out there in need of care very soon, yet there’s going to be a lot of people struggling to be able to do that service of family based care because… Their own mental health will be already suffering, due to the ongoing and ever growing mental health crisis which is already upon us all now.
There is a gap (as you have written) between the public health services and the councils/local authorities where resources (financial, skills, space and facilities) are concerned.
The carefully curated shortfalls in a health system already fighting to survive leave the people with no other option but to be directed to use what services are being made available to them - and that is where the people must pay.
They have no choice.
The prescription of anti-depressants can help if combined with some sort of ongoing counselling/therapy but they are unfortunately not addressing the problem affecting the people…
That’s the increase in mental health problems such as depression.
Yes… The anti-depressants are being prescribed more and more but those who make the greatest gain are the corporate vultures when they finance the pharmacutical companies.
On the subject of corporate finance, the technology companies benefit further as they are financed to further their developments of communication in order to roll out the computer systems to enable the health centres/doctors surgeries to implement their online/telephone consultation plans.
The desperate people in need of help find themselves first being offered a telephone consultation or the opportunity to speak to their doctor via a video-link service.
This is all well and good… Yet. However…
Many of the people reaching out for help, don’t want a video/telephone consultation (which is more than genuinely understandable as many older people don’t even have the equipment anyway because of the technology issues and many can’t even afford it) and need to see someone in person.
The chances are, they definitely need to bring the person they care for into the health clinic/doctors surgery to actually see the health professional in person because of the complexities of their issues and (at the same time) the person in need of care may still want time alone with the health professional and could be in vital need of a physical examination.
Telephone consultations may only delay much needed treatments because there’s still going to be more waiting time between that and getting the initial, physical consultation and there’s also the issues regarding ‘getting the actual point across’ when discussing the health problem.
As you have written, the country is in deep trouble with regard to mental health services (and of course, anything to do with health care).
It is a problem that is only going to unfortunately get worse because there’s not only a looming care crisis coming (and it’s profound right now), there’s also a very powerful, profound mental health crisis coming over the horizon as well.
The storm is only just beginning to cast it’s dark clouds and already we are all feeling the impact.
Of course (as you are already finding out), there’s that constant worry of being able to finance yourself and those you care for, combined with the issue of being able to get any fincancial support…
This goes on to the issue of finance and all the problems associated with mental health and care for those who must rely upon it because in the future, this will become even more a massive part of everyday life.
Already… Privatisation of any health care is very quietly seeping into everyones daily lives from it being carefully (yet directly and clearly) it being suggested you self-medicate using the local pharmacist/chemist.
Prescriptions from the doctor are becoming so costly it can cost a possible days wages for many people, just because they need a couple of items.
Dentists, chiropodists, opticians and of course, counselling/therapy for mental health and whatever else you can think of are all now available but at forever increasing costs and at the same time are very necessary in a society where many of us are experiencing the effects of getting older.
People get emotional whenever it is mentioned the public health services will soon not be a free service (or funded just through a small part of our wages, to put it more correctly).
However… It is already happening. Health care costs will keep increasing. One way or another.
Hopefully. You’ll find a way through all of this and all you can really do is keep working towards getting the help you need and take care of yourself in the process.
Paul…
@Paul_Shipman_Smith No one can be legally MADE to care. It may be about what the Caree NEEDS not wants and also what the Carer wants too? I really hope specialist solicitors will start to hold the NHS accountable for the HUGE mental toll this is taking on Carers - system collapsing. Yes I have always ‘held back’ on complaining because it takes valuable time away that could be used to help patients but starting to feel differently now…I am sure other do too.
As an exhausted carer on Christmas Eve I just didn’t have time to read your rather long post I’m afraid. It always helps to put your concerns in order of importance to you, and write a list, for your eyes only. If you share the two or three top issues with us, members might have useful comments.
Thanks for replying but it’s also too long for me to read online and digest. Some of the bits i did read were not accurate or familiar to me and my experience at all. I think you’ve filled in gaps of information in a way you think it correct but it’s not the case.
What are you struggling with most at the moment?
How could this be resolved?
Is anyone supporting you? (Advocate, carers support worker?)