Hello I’ve been a carer for a number of years 8 years for my dad and 10 years alongside my dad for my mum. My dad and I have never been close and I find it hard going…my husband has recently retired and my son has moved back home so I do have a little support from them and when my dad had his last UTA/TIA we were able to have carers support once a day. I run his house for him and do all his admin, hospital and doctors appointments and generally keep things going so he can live in his own home. He is partially blind, falls and is unable to leave his home without assistance, I work part-time and on my two days off I take him out and do his housework/shopping/gardening. I don’t feel I have a life as I’m on call 24 hours a day and have to drive in when his alarm goes off sometimes 5am then go to work. I’m so glad I’ve found this forum as even typing this up is helping. I hope I don’t sound like I’m moaning as a newby. Sometimes I just feel like my life is on hold…
Hi I have just read your post. I also care for my mum who is 95 she still lives In her own home but lately,is struggling to cope and her mobility is getting worse. She will not accept any offers of help ie a stair lift which would make going upstairs to bed and using the toilet a lot easier. I do her shopping ,manage her finances and help,with other bits around the house.She has a cleaner and I also got her a Saga alarm should she need help when no one is there.I visit as often as I can but I still work 4 days a week mainly for my own sanity as she can be quite difficult to deal with. I am finding it a very difficult to cope emotionally, am constantly on edge in case something happens and feel very alone.I can’t talk to my husband about my anxiety as he thinks I am over reacting and to be fair I probably am to some extent…It’s very hard isn’t it ?
There are some solutions to your problem.
Dad doesn’t NEED you to do his cleaning, appointments etc. etc. He needs “SOMEONE” and just assumes you will do it as you are his daughter.
“So he can stay in his own house” suggests that he is very old, very poorly, or both. Is it now realistic for him to stay there? Tell us a bit more about his age and disability.
Does he have over £23,000 in savings? (Yes/No)
Is he receiving Attendance Allowance?
Does he own, or rent, his home?
When did you last have a holiday with your husband?