Diagnosis Day

Oh what a day! We had a mental health practitioner coming to my father in laws flat to give results of tests and MRI. I arrived early to find blood and poo all over bathroom! His pjs covered in blood he told me he had a bad fall in the night.

I got it all cleaned up in time for the visitor who was there to deliver the news that he has a diagnosis of “mixed dementia” that’s vascular and Alzheimer’s. But on the bright side he is 91 and Alzheimer’s that appears late in life tends to be slow progression so really we are just looking at old age. A few decisions to make eg medication or not and have to inform DVLA but doesn’t seem too bad really but a lot to take on board though and he is very down about it.

I went out and got his shopping, stocked up his kitchen and at least felt I was leaving every thing in good order. That’s when I noticed the shitty pants behind the bathroom curtain and trousers behind the door!!! Did I miss them this morning or are they new? Sleuced them out and left them to soak and set off for home. That’s when the final horror struck - on leaving his flat I noticed a brown blob on the corridor floor, then another - a bit further and I saw it - shit the entire length of the long corridor :scream:

It’s like I’m in the twilight zone! Can’t even work out when that could of happened as a warden visits in the morning and I dont see when he could of left the flat after that yet it does seem to lead to his door and there are pooey pants and trousers stashed in his flat so the circumstantial evidence points to him! I didn’t feel I could go back in and ask the man who was really depressed about just being diagnosed with dementia whether he had shit the entire length of the corridor!! I couldn’t even clean it up without going back in as there is no access to cleaning materials in the building and I can’t even be sure it’s his shit!! I’m rather ashamed to say I just fled the building by another exit! It’s sheltered housing so I assume someone will report the state of the corridor to maintenance and things will take their course. I realise that was not the most responsible course of action but I was all out of solutions and am not sure where we go from here.

Oh dear Davina, what a day. I think I’d have done the same in the circumstances, just I’d have run faster :smiley:

On a more serious note, does he need a doctor, physical illness? Tho I do know a lot of dementia patients have issue with poo.
Nothing you can do tonight. Have a glass of wine or nice cup of tea, watch something mindless and breathe. Tomorrow is another day.


Thanks for that Mrs Average, made me feel much better plus I am on my third glass of wine and just starting to see the funny side :joy: I will visit again tomorrow and see if he is unwell.

A dementia diagnosis can hit hard and many suffer what is known as ‘Anticipatory Grief’, a response similar to a bereavement. Be easy with yourself while you deal with this.

Incontinence can be an issue in the later stages of dementia. It may be worth checking in with the GP as many provide a good incontinence service.

The Alzheimer’s Society produce a Factsheet about this issue so I’m enclosing below a link to it in the hope that you may get some help from it. If you want to read it just click the next line.

I cannot understand why someone should have to be so brutal as to give a diagnosis of dementia like that. Am I being silly or out of date?
My son has severe learning difficulties due to brain damage. We never burdened him with that information.

Then he went to a day service which taught him how to say he had learning difficulties, and for a while whenever we asked him to do anything he would say he “had learning difficulties” as an excuse for not doing anything!!!

My wife was given her dementia diagnosis in a very cold and matter of fact way. I understand that the thinking behind this is that it empowers the recipient to respond in their own best interests.

My wife was shell shocked and it took a while for me to deal with that aspect alone, never mind the dementia!

The whole thing can have a big emotional impact as my wife still remembers that event even though her memory is, otherwise, shot to pieces.

Davina you have my sympathy and I agree with Mrs A, I would have left too. I also agree it was pretty brutual way to tell a 91 year old about the dementia diagnosis. If he is in Sheltered Housing then at least he has some support? It sounds as if he will need regular help and visits if he is still able to live alone. Maybe you should write to his GP and express your worries about what you have seen?

Thanks everyone for your replies. Sorry I have only just seen most of them as I was kept constantly busy for the rest of the week! I went back the next day to find every room covered in a trail of poo - mostly carpeted to! So got my comeuppance for the first days event and spent 4 hours scrubbing the floors only to have a repeat performance the next day!!

I rang his surgery but they wouldn’t come and see him offered an appointment and got shirty when I said i couldn’t possibly get him to the surgery. I asked if they really wanted someone with explosive diarrhoea in their surgery anyway!! It lasted 3 days after that of course he didn’t pass anything for a couple of days as he wasn’t eating much so he decided he must be constipated and took laxatives :astonished: is this my own private hell I wonder?

Must say I did wonder if it was strictly necessary to tell him about the dementia but then he was involved in the testing and kept asking about the results of the MRI. She was very nice in how she handled it and played it down but I guess this was his reaction to the news. Thanks everyone for your support.

Oh Davina,
it’s a good job you can see the funny side of it! I do hope you have poo-free visits to FIL’s for the foreseeable future. Hopefully he wont be taking any more laxatives …


And of course we all forget to tell you that with a diagnosis of dementia you/he can claim discount off council tax! It’s about the only positive to a diagnosis

Also no one mentioned attendance allowance!! A tax free social security benefit which isn’t means tested and is for people over the age of 65 who need help with personal care .

Telephone 0800 7310122 for application form. As far as I know (unless the rules have been changed!) successful claims are backdated to when DWP receive the application form.

Good to know that you can see the funny side of the situation re all the “tish”!!! I know where you’re coming from as I also have been on my hands and knees scrubbing away with sweat pouring down my face and my mother shouting out "what on earth are you doing, there’s no need for all this scrubbing the carpet, leave it!

Good grief, give me strength!!! Pass me that bottle of vino!!!

Big hug. Xx. Joan

Hi Joan
Thanks for your encouraging reply and hug. I only just saw it as I am new to this and only just realised I need to scroll 2 :-??? Thanks for pointing out the attendance allowance - had that a while due to mobility issues and generally being 90! And yes I too spent hours listening to ‘just leave it, I’ll do it later, come and relax’. You’ve got to laugh or else you become impressed by the size of your problems.

Thanks for hug x

Is dad at home still? Did the doctor visit?

Hi Bowlingbun,

Yes still at home and NO the doctor did NOT visit! I probably should of made more of a fuss but was too exhausted. Anyway it cleared up without treatment and he did keep himself hydrated. I later learned others in the building also had so I guess it was just a bug.

Hi again Davina. Glad some one mentioned disregard of council tax. A person can get this if they are in receipt of attendance allowance, live alone and also been diagnosed with dementia.

Ring the council tax people and see what the procedure is.

I got it for my mum and also a refund of about £2000. They backdated it to when she was diagnosed with the dementia.

So at least something to go into the coffers. But dont forget to reward yourself from the refund with a large bottle of vino …or two. …or three! !!!

Sending another virtual hug!! Joan x​:grinning::wine_glass::tropical_drink:

Thanks Joan,
I have started the ‘adventure’ with Council Tax and posted separately on it - will update as to how We get on?

On BBC Radio Solent they featured this Council Tax exemption. One LA, I think it was Southampton, refunded £14,000!!

Do NOT believe your LA if it says it cannot be backdated!!!

Council Tax disregards back dated ?

Backdating Council Tax Exemption Severely Mentally Impaired Effect on other benefits — MoneySavingExpert Forum

Applying for Council Tax Reduction - Citizens Advice

Full sp appears appears in both links.