Fellow carers! You are amazing


To all of you who are caring for someone with dementia you are amazing! U May or may not need to hear it just now but u are doing a great job hang on in there!
At the moment I feel like my patience is running thin on the ground. I look after someone and have done for the last 5 years with vascular dementia…I adore her and would do anything for her but some days I feel like going crazy! I know I will feel ok again but just need to vent a little in a place where people understand and won’t judge me…
I’m sure there must be other people who feel like this at times??
I feel guilty for it but I’m only human…I would never take it out on the person I care for… but surely I can’t be the only one feeling frustrated out of my mind at times…what does anyone else do to alleviate the stress?? Any advice or tips will be appreciated…

What age is your caree?
How long has she had dementia?
When did she last have a Social Services Assessment, and you, a Carers Assessment?
Is she claiming Attendance Allowance and exemption from Council Tax?


She is 87 and had dementia for about 6 years now. I’m sure she has exemption from council tax…but I’m not sure about attendance allowance. I’m not her primary carer (on paper)…so I don’t deal with that side of things really. I’m sure her daughter tried to apply for attendance allowance before but for whatever reason it was never granted as far as I’m aware. Nor carers allowance for her daughter…it’s even been a struggle to get a blue parking badge for her…still no sign of it after at least a year!
Financially we are very fortunate that it isn’t a real issue…but god forbid if it was.

For goodness sake, dementia for 6 years and no Attendance Allowance, of course she is entitled to it!! This needs following up.
Why was the blue badge turned down??

I’ve been involved with this sort of things, both for work and personally, over a 40 year period.
Someone I knew was a double amputee, initially turned down as he didn’t need enough care! His wife was in floods of tears, this was absolutely the last straw for her, I sorted it all out of course, but it’s so much extra stress that carers just don’t need.

Of course it’s not just the person with dementia getting older, and the dementia worsening. The carer too is getting older, and tired more quickly, probably no proper holiday either?

Thanks…I’ll definitely follow it up! Everything seems to be an up hill battle and no one tells you anything! The blue badge hasn’t been turned down…it’s as if no one has ever even reviewed or acknowledged the application in the first place and said either way. It’s really frustrating! With every day pressure these things get pushed to the side…it shouldn’t be that hard to get help but it is.
Wow…that really is hard to believe…on what planet would that person not require enough care?? Thankfully they had u to step in and sort things for them…it makes u wonder about the poor souls out there not getting the help they need and are entitled to.
No a proper holiday isn’t really an option for me…I feel guilty for even thinking about myself sometimes…I take the reins to let my friend go on holiday (my caree is her mum, and she is her primary carer technically)…Because I’m not a direct relative or anything no one thinks about my well being…or if I need a break…it’s just not considered…
Sorry for the moan…poss a different scenario than most.

Not really, surely you are joint carees?
The general definition is that you are a carer if looking after someone is having a significant effect on your own life. Time for a rethink?
You both need a holiday now and then to recharge the batteries. If you love someone enough to care for 50 weeks a year, they should love you enough to let you have 2 weeks off and regular time off. Various care alternatives are available.

Make a new Blue Badge application and send it Recorded Delivery.
Then follow it up with a complaint if nothing is done.
Is your partner happy to share some of the admin with you.
It would ease her load, and might give you more nicer times with her.

No we aren’t joint carers…we aren’t partners I am just a friend (female, not that that matters) but just to give a clearer picture. I have changed my name on this just in case my friend ever seen me talking about this stuff online.
Eventually got the blue badge sorted thanks again for your advice.
Still hoping to navigate a way to get a little break…with lockdown restrictions lifting soon hopefully I will be able to manage even a couple of nights away.

My son with learning difficulties now lives in a flat with carer support, but I still have lots to do for him. Every so often I go away for a week, off to Devon soon. Self catering, so I can get up and go to bed when ever I want. It’s the only time I feel totally “free”. My sewing machine comes too, by the end of the week I’ll have made some new clothes too. Sewing is my occupational therapy.

Thats something to look forward to! I really hope you can make this most of your time in Devon…for you to relax and take some much needed time out for yourself! Be free and think of nothing else…get sewing away like mad! Would be good if we could uploads pics on here to see your creations! I cant thread a bloody needle never mind anything else haha x

I am an odd shape, the only way I can have a dress that fits I fabric I like is to make my own. I taught myself when living in the Australian outback, 1,000 miles from the nearest department store! I completely lose myself, and used to make a dress on Saturday and a blouse on Sunday.