My mom has dementia

She is pretty far gone. She forgets things from 4 minutes ago. She does not know what month, day, or year it is. She does dangerous and weird things. You know what I am talking about.

She gets nurse visits weekly. Nurses know what’s happening.

Thing is, because of things beyond my control, she has not yet gone to be formally diagnosed.

She just thinks her legs hurt. Otherwise she is healthy and has great memory.

I tell her that her memory is extremely bad and she forgets things after minutes. She does not believe me.

Should I start using the words “You have dementia, mom?”

I know she will get extremely angry and not believe me.

Hi Gilbert
Welcome to the forum
In my opinion there is no point in telling your mom she has dementia. She will deny, get upset or angry, then forget. You will be even more frustrated. I used to go along with my husbands confabulations because he truly believed they were true. It’s not easy but easier than arguing.
Would be so much better if you could get an assessment arranged for her. She would be entitled to council tax discount and possibly you would get some help.
The Alzheimer’s society would be able to advise you.

No point. Good luck.

There IS a real point in having a dementia diagnosis, because then you qualify for exemption from Council Tax from the day of diagnosis, once you also apply for Attendance Allowance.
Do you have Power of Attorney, or are you mum’s DWP Appointee.
All this assuming you are in the UK?

Sounds incredibly difficult. Sorry to hear you’re in such a challenging situation. She would need a physical to make sure there is something out of sorts with her bloods etc before concluding. There are lots of other things that can effect memory. Early onset often runs genetically? Is this the case in your family? Keep encouraging her to see someone.

"Memory loss can just be a natural part of getting older.

Sometimes it may be caused by something common and treatable like:


anxiety or depression

sleeping problems (insomnia)

Occasionally, memory loss can be a sign of something more serious, such as dementia.

Do not try to self-diagnose the cause of your memory loss – always see a GP."

I read your post and please know you are not alone. My dad is 57 with early on set Alzheimer’s. It got worse this past year, and now that my mom and sister are home due to quarantine (I don’t live at home) they are afraid to leave him alone when my mom goes back to work and my sister goes back to college. It’s been really stressful for her. He isn’t totally gone and you can have conversations with him, so I imagine he’s in the beginning/middle stages but there has been a decline. You are doing an amazing job for your mother . Your emotional and mental well-being are also important. Making decisions for nursing homes or things like that is never easy, but I know a some point it becomes the best options. And you’re right, wishing it was over may sound cruel to others, but you don’t want to see the rapid decline be pronged longer to the point of suffering. Just know you are not alone!