New carer
Hi my name is John. I care for my 99 year old mother.
I have been caring for over three years on a 24/7 basis. I have to get up three times during the night to help mum and then the usual day routine starts, medication food being taken up and down stairs. I get a couple of hours off 3 days a week so I can get some exercise. I have not had a day off or a break in this time.
My mental and physical health has been badly effected and I have had two courses of CBT and used sertraline.
I have a referral for autogenic therapy, NHS, but that is not until November of this year. I have heard that may be charities that offer grants in order to pay privately as I can’t hang on until the end of the year.
I have just had a good working over from DWP regarding my carers allowance and they are seeking £1100 in an overpayment.
Thanks in advance for any advice.
Welcome to the forum.
Why are you not getting time off? This really isn’t fair on you, you are her son, not slave!
Are you aware you can ask Social Services for a Carers Assessment for you, and a Needs Assessment for mum, regular time off?
Does mum have over £23,000 in savings? If so, then mum should be paying for a holiday for you, and agreeing to have alternative carers or residential respite care.
I would suggest a good 2 week holiday is what you need, to chill out, sleep, walk, etc.
Hi Bowlingbun
thanks for the reply. Mum has very little savings and she is fully funded.
She is frail and gets very anxious around strangers. A carer sits with her for two hours, Three days a week and the same person gives her a wash and gets her dressed in the mornings.
I fully understand what you say and have read many of your posts, which always give direct and helpful advice.
I don’t consider myself a slave, just an only child trying the best to help his Mum.
I don’t want her to go into a home and will do all I can for her.
I was just asking if anyone could advise on any known charities for me to get a grant to do the course on Autogenic therapy.
Oh and the working over I just got today from DWP today is a disgrace.
Thanks
John
I cannot understand why DWP is having a “witch hunt” against carers at the moment.
Personally, I think everyone caring for someone for 35+ hours a week should be paid Carers Allowance.
If you’ve done the time you deserve it. We know caring is hard work, but DWP feel that it isn’t.
How many other situations are there when someone has lawfully earned money taken away if they get a second job?
None that I can think of. Until our caring is seen as work, it will go on.
Interestingly, Ed Davey was on TV this morning, saying that he thinks many social care shortages would be resolved if family carers could be paid more to look after their relatives at home, rather than leave them in hospital.
I haven’t had Carers Allowance for many years, now I’m a pensioner I get nothing extra for my efforts at all.
Have you asked Social Services to fund the course, as part of your Carers Assessment, to support your caring role?
I did speak to social services and they mentioned that if they can’t fund it they have various charities that may be able to help. I am waiting for a reply from them to see what they can offer.
Carers do seem to get a very rough deal. I can only speak of and fully understand My situation, but reading posts from other carers, some in a much more difficult place are heartbreaking.
I can only wish all carers all the best and hope that we can all muddle through and have some sort of life afterwards.
John