Caring for my parents and corona virus

Hi, I’m wondering how many others are facing my predicament. I am a 60 year old asthmatic carer for both my housebound mid 80s parents. Both have capacity but rely solely on me for any provisions they need. I claim carers allowance for my mum only. They have x2 daily carers to help with dressing/undressing washing and breakfast. I purchase ready meals for them to make life easier for both them and me. I visit almost daily and do whatever they ask of me. I also phone at least 4 times a day as well. I live 15 miles away and life can often be very strained. I have virtually no time with my own adult children or grandchildren let alone see any of the friends I used to see. I am now resenting this even though I feel guilty for feeling like this. However, I love my parents and want to keep them safe. I’m concerned that if, as I expect, I will be told to isolate for 12 weeks muself, who will help my parents and additionally, what would I do about carers allowance. There is no way they would be willing to pay someone to do what I do for them. I had a devil of a job persuading them to have carers in the first place. I gave up my carear 3 years ago to care for them, so I do get UC as well as carers allowance. Today is a good example. I called mum, and said, Boris Johnson said not to visit your mum today. My mother was really annoyed and said, that is ridiculous, it’s mother’s day. I expect you here!

Even if you were not physically available. You could be physically if you were to provide shopping deliverers etc. There are many ways you would still be provide a level of care.

You would still be providing emotional support. Albeit by phone, email skpe etc. Possible arranging/coordinating resources to keep everything going. Carers allowance covers many different things we supply as carers.

Carer’s Allowance is money for people who spend at least 35 hours a week providing regular care to someone who has a disability. The person you care for must be getting a relevant benefit because of their disability, which in some cases has to be paid at a certain rate.

Many of us provide 24 x 7 neither the less is at least 35 hours. If you add up all you do I know it’s more than 35 hours.

You are feeling overwhelm like many of us.!!

You state : Both have capacity but rely solely on me for any provisions they need.

Capacity to understand what is happen now. You have a duty to your own health.

I’m in a very similar situation. My 83 year old mum has breast cancer and is in the early stages of dementia. She does fairly well but can’t prepare herself a hot meal and needs ‘chivvying’ for self care and such like. We are both in the dreaded high risk category. I do an online shop for her - when I can find a slot - and we haven’t been anywhere other than one visit to the hospital in January. I do work part time, ironically at the local hospital. Otherwise I have been practicising the advised procedures in respect of hand washing and social distancing etc.

I worry that if I stay away Mum will just go into a decline. She won’t take her meds unless I put them in front of her and I’ve tried standing back and advising her which little pot in her pill saver she needs to open but it’s hopeless. If you told her something was in the fridge she’d go to the oven, poor soul.

What are we to do? If I stay away and call on social services someone who probably needs far more support than my Mum might find themselves doing without and who is to say the care worker isn’t as much a risk of carrying the virus in?

I’ve suggested getting her a phone so that we can Facetime but that is just not going to fly.

Damned if you do and damned if you don’t it seems.

hi Im in a very difficult situatuon . i do all my mums shopping cleaning put shopping away etc as she cannot manage my mum has copd very high risk and havnt been in for a week now. I work in a supermarket and so am at very high risk of catching the damn thing. what would you do I cant leave her another week in same bedding and dirty work tops etc. im so scared of going in a passing something on please help. sorry if ive jumped on a reply but i couldnt find how to post on here. Thank you in advance x ps im thinking of being a paid carer and taking a break from work

Hi! I am in the very similar situation. Moreover, my 75-year-old dad just can’t use mobile with FaceTime, he doesn’t appear to understand what is going on. I always do my best to visit and spend time with him, but also I have a grandma who needs my help even more because she lives alone. I need to visit her in the first place, but afraid of him being in hospital alone all days long because of the quarantine.

Hello. Just to let you know that we have updated our ‘further support’ page for carers to answer some of the questions you’ve been asking in the Forum, on social media and through the helpline. The guidance covers visiting family members, collecting essential medication, visits from carer workers and a few other issues.

I hope you find this helpful.