My name is Jean and I care for my husband who is 84 and has dementia also he has recently had a knee replacement.
i dont like to leave him to go shopping is there any service that provides people who could sit with him whilst shopping etc. He can still do some things for himself.
Thank you
Edited by moderator to remove surname, to preserve privacy
Home care agencies can help with that.
Hello Jean
Please keep checking back for information and leads from others to find a charity sitting service locally to you who know more about it than I do. Good luck.
Hello Jean & welcome
Please could you remove your surname from your post for confidentially.
Go back in to your post and look for the edit orange pen icon at the top of your post and just delete your surname.
How are you coping generally you do sound as though you have a lot on your plate.
Are you getting all the help you need. Has there been a needs assessment done for your husband and a carers assessment for you. As an assessment would be able to get some care hours introduced to cover your trips out.
Hi Jean,
welcome to the forum.
Are your receiving support from the Admiral nurses? What is an Admiral Nurse? | Dementia UK | Specialist dementia nurses They are specialist dementia nurses and should know of any available free sitting services who could spend time with your husband whilst you are out.
Also, have you had a carer’s assessment? During this process you can request support so that you can have some time to go shopping etc Carer's assessment | Carers UK
Melly1
Could the surname be removed from thara’s quote too?
It isn’t really necessary to quote complete messages.
Have not been on site for a while. My husbands dementia is gradually getting worse he is now incontinent I have put him in respite a couple of times as I feel exhausted but feel guilty when I do.Do other people feel guilty. It is so sad to watch him on a daily basis he also has trouble swallowing so his food has to be mashed and soft and thickener in his drinks. Somehow we all seem to struggle on
Hello Jean
You really must look after YOU to be able to continue caring and you need to be able to leave the house to do this. Do you have a local Carers Support? If so, may well be getting into contact with them and seeing if they know of any local services that would sit with him if you are worried about leaving him alone. You really should NOT feel guilty about putting him into Respite care as you will so need a break as caring is 24/7. Is your husband safe to be left alone for short periods?
Do you have any family or local friends who could offer support? My husband does not eat very much at times but has a prescription for Fortisips which at least get some nutrition into him. My husband is coming up to 85. I really have to get out for my sanity as he is medically non compliant and emotionally abusive because I was sinking into clinical depression being with him 24/7. Thankfully I can get out still for around 1.5 - 2 hours but I am constantly ‘on edge’ wondering if he has left the gas ring on if he decides to cook - thankfully he usually does this late afternoon/early evening so am usually at home then.
Hopefully others will be along with better advice but I will defintely stress that you must NOT feel guilty for looking after your own mental health.
Hi @Jean_2207 
Big hugs
It’s so hard to see a loved one suffer with dementia. My Dad had vascular dementia and was more and more incontinent, in addition to his bladder cancer…Mum and I cared for him together, which was our blessing but we also felt bad a lot of the time.
Personally I think it’s all mixed in with early-grief as their character changes and of course the downward decline is heartbreaking…
You’re doing the best you can and I’m relieved he’s having respite care - for his safety, and for you to rest. - or try to rest because it’s impossible to sleep on command and your mind still races & is pulled to whether they’re ok or not…it’s ALL normal and real and painful…so sending many hugs.
Struggle along AND keep in touch here - or with the general chat on Roll call - to distract your guilty feelings.
take care
Thanks for your support and thoughts I think it is hard for any of us dealing with dementia, the lack of communication you get is none and you feel as you are living on your own. I do have family for support but as the work they cannot always be on hand and you find you have good days but on the bad days you think I cannot do this anymore but we carry on. I am now in my sixth year of caring and my husband is coming up to 86 he has trouble swallowing and has to have every meal mashed to a pulp and thickener in his drinks but I think I am not the only one dealing with this
Hi @Jean_2207 welcome back to the forum.
I’m glad you have had a couple of respite breaks, sounds like they were much needed.
Does your husband have a sitter so that you can leave the house?
As well as having a chat on Roll Call about how your day is going (or isn’t!) you may enjoy the various online meet ups that Carers Uk run - a much needed chance to chat to others
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/your-health-and-wellbeing/online-meetups/
Also, I think @selinakylie (?) has/had a telephone befriender - this could be an option for you.
Do you have any practical support caring for your husband - his needs are very great?
@Melly1 and @Jean_2207
Yes my local Support for Carers does provide a telephone befriender - they have often been Carers themselves. There may be a waiting list to ‘match’ you Jean but it might be worth a go. They also have monthly meetings but I cannot get to those. Only issue is for me husband cannot understand why I get support when he is the ‘ill’ one and he does tend to listen in which means I cannot always speak openly. That said, it is a good source of support if you are feeling isolated and want someone to bounce ideas off or to listen.