Can anyone please advise me?


I have a problem, I am currently caring for my mother who has in the last 6 weeks suddenly deteriorated, she was in hospital for 2 weeks then she was home for 2 weeks then she went back into hospital for another 10 days, she came home Sunday and has had another turn today, we have a social worker who is “doing the best she can under the circumstances”. The Carers are currently coming in 4 times during the day, after 7pm and until 9am, I am “responsible” for my mother. That is fine I can do what I can.

The problem I have is I have arthritis in both my knees, I have fibromyalgia and other things. She is using a commode and the council have provided her a bed that goes up and down. I have been having to lift her on the commode and then back into bed, now I can hardly walk it’s killing my legs, also I need advice because of the fibromyalgia I have trouble sleeping so I have to take duloxetine, pregablin and mitazipine to help me sleep, what do I do if she needs to use the toilet during the night and I can’t hear her or I don’t wake up? She has the Diarrhea at the moment and it is really stressing me out. I feel like I am failing her and myself, but I am having trouble coping with it all, I feel really depressed because of this and the stress of coronavirus.

I would welcome any comments

Thank you so much in advance for reading this and hopefully getting some advice

Hi Lynda,
quick reply as my caree waiting for me. Your Mum needs a OT assessment - the right aids will help you care for her without having to take the physical strain - equipment for transfers or a hoist.

At night, as a compromise, she could wear pads - she might not be keen, but you need to take your meds and get restorative sleep. Contact her GP re these.



Sorry you are having such a difficult time.

You are not failing. You are doing the best you can under difficult circumstances.

I think a hoist would help and an assessment by an OT is needed. However I am not sure whether an Ot would come out at this time. You may want to check with your social worker.

However, even if you had a hoist I think it is not on you having do do all this in the night. It is affecting your health. And as you say you are taking medication that means you may not wake up.

Have you contacted your mums Gp regarding the diarreah?

Everyone needs a good night’s sleep.

I am sure someone else will answer who has more direct experience of this type of situation

Just remember you are doing the best you can in this situation.

Be honest with your social worker there is a real danger that your health will suffer even more if you dont.

What you are currently doing is too much for anyone.

You should NOT be caring for mum like this. Can I ask why she was in hospital? Were you involved in the discharge arrangements? She now needs emergency residential care or readmission. It’s not fair that they dumped this on you. Get your doctor to write to SSD.