Tired of being alone with no help so I’m done
You need to tell us a bit more so that we can offer support.
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Dad has had a couple of weeks in local care home following a couple of falls, he is not currently able to stand or walk independently even with aids, due to almost a month of hospital admissions. Currently awaiting physiotherapy (which will probably be months away due to NHS waiting lists).
Social worker met with myself and sister yesterday at the care home. As Dad’s savings exceed the threshold he will be self funding. He has mental capacity and decided he wants to go home, but he will most likely need 24 hour care, which he will have to pay for, at least until he can hopefully get walking again.
Q: Presumably if he dips below the threshold after months of paying for care will he need to be reassessed and get some funding from the local authority (don’t know how this works, never had to do this before)?
Q: How do I decide on a suitable care agency? Have read some things here on the forum that make me concerned at making the right choice. I have been given about a week, maybe less by social care to get some home care in place for Dad before his case is closed.
Q: When the social worker closes his case, who do I turn to for questions and support? She has given me a phone number but if Dad is self funding will I actually get any advice or support if I have problems/ questions?
Worst of all, my sister just shows up for the odd meeting or visits Dad once a week in the care home (and rarely if ever visits when he is back in his own home). Her main thing is just showing up when it’s absolutely necessary and having as little input as possible, whilst trying to make herself look like the concerned daughter to the home staff, social worker and to our relatives on Facebook, whilst I am left with all the stress and hard work to deal with by myself. This is really affecting my mental health and my sleep. She will never change and has been like this for years (disgusting really as she has been a carer herself in the past and is now in a supposedly caring, people orientated profession).
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There is no hurry, don’t be bullied by a supposed deadline!
You cannot be forced to care, and it is VERY unlikely to find anyone taking on new clients before Christmas, so delay any move until January at least. I have had dreadful issues will all four of our parents at Christmas. Now a few questions, easier than an essay about the rules, there is a real purpose behind each one!
When was dad discharged from hospital?
Do you have Power of Attorney for dad?
Does he own or rent his home?
Do you have your own home, or live with dad?
Have social Services done a Carers Assessment for you?
An NHS Continuing Healthcare Assessment for you?
How old is dad? You?
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As dad was in hospital recently, is dad paying anything at the moment, or is it being classed as Reablement Care?
When mum went into a care home after hospital, she was hugely overcharged by the council. Eventually I was involved and made them repay mum £8,000!
Carers UK has an excellent Helpline. Please talk to them as soon as possible. Mum died in 2015 so the rules may have changed since then.
As for your sister, just ignore her. She has no right to be involved in the decision if she won’t be doing the work!
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Dad isn’t paying anything for care at the moment, the care home was meant to be for a few weeks until physio was coming in, getting Dad moving again, which probably won’t be happening anytime soon.
Dad was discharged from hospital, well he’s been an inpatient 3 times in one month (early October to early November) and admitted to A & E 3 times since, twice for falls at home, once for falling out of bed on his first night in the care home, each of those 3 A & E admissions resulted in him being discharged within 24 hours, the first two to his own home with carers, the 3rd one back to the care home.
Yes I have Finance and Property POA and a joint one for Health and Care with my sister, which we have been notified is still being processed since about August.
Dad owns his own home.
I rent my home.
No, as far as I know, I haven’t had a Carers Assessment nor an NHS Continuing Healthcare Assessment.
Dad is 86, I am 55.
I do suspect from the way the social worker was talking, she is under pressure from her manager to get him off her caseload and save the council some money asap (and get a pat on the back for doing so).
I would keep putting it off.
Even with 4 half hour calls a day that still leaves 22 hours unaccounted for!
Realistically it’s unlikely there is going to be a significant improvement. Many elderly people can muddle along for years until there is what mum’s consultant calls a “life changing moment”, after a fall mum nearly had her leg amputated! She was never the same again, completely reliant on a Zimmer frame. However much dad wants to come home, he NEEDS to be in a care home with 24/7 care for the moment until he can safely walk without falling. A very difficult conversation. Do have a look at NHS Continuing Healthcare, free care if dad qualifies, but a postcode lottery I’m afraid.
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Tell the social worker you want them to organise the care on your Dad’s behalf. They are supposed to do this for self-funders who find it difficult to navigate the system, but try to fob people off. Don’t let them. Tell them to read the Care Act guidance if they disagree. Nowhere does it say that self-funders have to organise everything themselves.
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Thanks for your advice, I will look into the NHS Continuing Healthcare.
Thanks for your reply. Social worker says it as “the world is your oyster” when she found out Dad is over the threshold and makes it sound marvellous. My sister has actually got involved at last and is the rounds of different care agencies, but I will definitely be taking on board some of the advice offered here, including yours.
As there have been 3 recent admissions, I would say to dad that if he wants this one to be a success he has to be patient and do everything he can to get well again. In view of his finances, it would be better for him to pay for intensive physio in the care home, and he needs to respect the physio’s decision about him being able to go home SAFELY. Private physio is a different experience altogether. You need to keep repeating that there is no point in him being discharged home only to fall again.
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I did suggest private physio to my sister, who shockingly is now actually contributing, but she seemed sceptical that he might ever walk again. It’s worth a try. I don’t know about him getting private physio in the care home as despite what people are saying on here about taking time to sort things out regardless of deadlines given by the social worker of this Friday at the latest, the fact remains he can’t remain there free of charge after that, so what happens then?
Surely Social Care cannot force him to leave the home if there is no guarantee of safety at home and there are insufficient care arrangements in place. Wouldn’t there be some duty of care on Social Services to make sure he is going to be safe at home?
Myself and sister are looking at having a chat with Dad in private at the home on Thursday (the earliest my sister can make it), in the hope we can maybe talk Dad around to living in a care home.
I had the exact same discussion with my sister last night that if Dad goes home and keeps falling, he will just end up going around in circles of - Hospital/Frailty service - referral to Social Care - back into care home.
What upsets me is the whole onus seemingly put on the family to sort everything out, including aids, which is okay, Dad can afford them BUT still could end up having falls and going back into this vicious circle.
Aids should be provided free by Social Services.
Have they done a formal financial assessment for dad, copies of bank statements etc. In Hampshire, where I live, there is a separate Financial Assessment Team.
You and your sister must not pay for anything. Dad has to pay.
You have Power of Attorney, so notify his bank of the situation.
Ask for a debit card to use on his account.
Dad’s cheques etc should be signed with your signature.
Google “Charging for Care” and look at the .gov pages.
Unless the rules have changed since mum died 10 years ago, the first few weeks in residential care are based purely on dad’s income, not including savings.
The Carers UK helpline team will have all the up to date details.
Are you happy with the home he is in?
Is it near his home, your home, or sister’s home?
My mum was in a home a mile away, which I had to pass to go shopping, so convenient.
If you are not happy with it, maybe investigate others. Look at the CQC website to find them.
The best homes have waiting lists.
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It’s time to get formal with the social worker. Ask her to explain everything by email to you so that dad can have a written copy of everything which is being said. Ask her to answer the questions which have been raised here, asap. It’s very important to have things in writing so that they cannot deny what has been said at a later date. I reclaimed £8,000 for mum a few years ago when they hadn’t applied the rules properly!
Commode, 3 walking frames have already been provided free, but the social worker was talking about mats for falls, a frame for when Dad is standing.
We already discussed that Dad’s finances are currently over the threshold. Dad’s bank gave me a duplicate bank card and send me his bank statements anyway since I have POA. Dad does pay for everything, including with his consent taxi fares I have had to take to and from hospital and other appointments related to Dad. Nothing is paid by myself or my sister. He has paid my sister’s parking and petrol money when she has on the odd occasion picked him up from hospital.
The care home is very caring and attentive and is nearby, a 15 minute bus ride from outside my home.
I do not have an email, although to the social worker on first contact did text me a link so I can message her directly.
Mats and frames should also be provided free.
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Will be ringing OT tomorrow.
Social workers are not qualified to recommend equipment that would be provided by an OT. The onus is on them to discuss any concerns with the OT, for the OT to make a professional decision. You should not have to buy anything like that.
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Nothing has been bought, OT have been in touch and equipment has been delivered. OT is visiting Dad’s home tomorrow to see if anything else might be needed.
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I won’t be organising anything because most of the care agencies so far on the list given by social worker don’t seem to be operating anymore or don’t have up to date contact details. Of the one or two I have managed to contact, only one is interested in giving the no of hours the social worker recommends and can’t even offer any care until after Christmas. If I can manage to find an agency it will probably be 4 x half an hour daily, which will result in Dad being unattended, trying to stand, falling over and back in hospital. Problem solved.