Hi I’m new to this forum and wondered if any one could offer some advice.
We are in the process of bringing my brother out of a rehab centre (no longer getting rehab) and bringing him home to live with myself and my husband, my husband works full time and I’m part time (3 days a week).
My brother is currently funded by continuing care.
We are due to have a meeting with the funders and they have asked us to work out how many hours we would need carers in for, (he currently receives 24 hour care in the home, although he sleeps all night and doesn’t require all night care).
I will need all day carers when I’m at work, which they seem to agree with but the remaining 4 days they are pushing for us to except carers only at breakfast and bedtime leaving us to manage in between times, (in there words we have to make some sacrifices). We would like to have time where we can go shopping or out to see friends, even holidays. I love my brother but I must remember that we need time to ourselves, so my questions are:
Should we be asking for carers everyday or perhaps at all meal times,
If we were to except their terms could we ask for more help at a later date if we found it to much, or go for as much as we can now and if it’s to much reduce the carers hours?
How much rest bite are we entitled to?
My husband is worried that once my brother is in our home we will be left with very little support.
I hope this doesn’t sound selfish but I want this to work for all of us so that my brother has a good quality of life and so do we, (we are no spring chickens)
We have asked the funders for names of support groups that could help answer some of our concerns/worries but to know avail.
I searched the internet and finally found this site, why couldn’t funders recommend your site to people that need helpful advice which from the posts that I have read are really supportive.
Thank you
Kind regards
Linda and Dave
Hi Linda and welcome,
If you are sure you want your brother to live with you; then you need to ask for the maximum amount of care you will need. It is definitely easier to have a care package cut than it is to increase it.
The funders have no right to talk about you making sacrifices - just adapting your home and having your brother there 24/7 is a massive change and upheaval.
Since he is getting CHC that should cover the cost of all his care needs.
Personally, I would push for waking hour care as a minimum. This will you all maximum independence.
Respite care, I have no experience of but others on here will be able to advise.
Melly1
PS have you thought about supported living for him?
The Social Services will do anything that they can to lighten their financial outlay. They will tell you lies, that is pretty much guaranteed and universal, they are definitely not all sweetness and light.
You don’t have to make sacrifices at all, no-one can be compelled to care for anyone else no matter what their relationship may be.
Definitely go for as much help as you can get, it will be much harder to increase it if your own circumstances change than if your brothers condition changes - get everything you possibly can and reduce it later if you want to.
Respite care? What’s that? I’ve not had a single day off since November 2014.
If you’re lucky, you’ll qualify for a couple of hours per week, which you can allow to build up.
Don’t do this! You will regret it forever, and it may be the end of your marriage too!
This is absolutely the very worst time to do this, what you want and what you will get are completely different, there simply aren’t enough carers in the community. What is the nature of your brothers problems? Physical or mental?
Hi Linda, as everyone else has said… DO NOT TRUST SSVCS or accept anything less than a ‘full package.’ Do not agree to look after your bro at anytime. If they do not want to home him in supported living, (which it sounds as though he will qualify for anyway…) think and think again.
I just walked away from a good 13 year relationship with my partner as their grown up daughter (40 years old) has ‘issues’ (drug and MH) and I knew I did not want to live with us all under the same roof.
It hurt me to leave, but I knew it was the best thing for my sanity. (I had tried over the 13 yrs to support step daughter, but she even chose drugs over her three year old child.)
How does your husband think about all of this? (Has he any experience of an addict?, albeit a recovering one) and how will he handle it. Sorry if I am assuming it is an addiction of some kind, you just said rehab, but this could be anything?
I know family is important, but what you choose to do next could impact on your own relationship.
Take care, hope it works out…