A rather bad situation

So this is abit if a long story.

I’ve been a full time carer for my mother from I was 17. For many years after her mental health was terrible until I was about 22 she was diagnosed with bipolar.

Shes had to be sectioned many times in the past. Even got myself a job at one point but had to leave to look after her again full time due to have a breakdown.

Now her mental health has gotten bad and she has kicked me out of the house which means I am currently homeless.
I’ve been trying to get hold of housing executive for a couple of days now. No one has yet to ring me back.

Currently I’m staying at my girlfriends place but it isn’t going to be permanent.

I’ve also got learning problems of my own. Trouble filling in forms and with looking after my mum for so long. Very unprepared for this situation.

My GF lives about 20 miles away from my mums aswell and I’ve still got my stuff in her house.

Soical services are aware of my mums situation and she has agreed for home treatment. But they do believe she is unwell.

As for me I’ve been basically thrown into the garbage and have been offered no support even though I’m homeless. Been waiting on the housing ringing me back. But dunno when that will happen.

I have been forgotten and fell discarded.

Has anyone got some advice for me as to what I can do?

I live in northen ireland

Hi Neil

I’m sorry to hear about your situation, that does sound very stressful for you.

Citizens Advice Northern Ireland might be able to help you with your next steps, they should be able to tell you what you can claim for and help you get support. You can contact them here:

Best wishes


What triggered her decision to kick you out?
That’s awful, especially as you have been a carer from such a young age.
You know mum better than anyone else.
Do you think she needs sectioning again?

Where dinner was going to be cooked. This is what triggered this.

Me and the social workers think she does. But Her GP doesn’t.

But because she agreed to home treatment. Its basically wait and see.

But in meantime I’m stuck. Been waiting on the get housing executive to ring me back for couple of days now

If I was the social worker or doctor, I’d say that mum was so ill that to stay home she MUST have someone in the house to keep an eye on her!

Do they really feel she is well enough to live alone?

Has she ever kicked you out before?

I’m so sorry for the way you have been treated, wish I could do more to help.

They have people coming out to keep a eye on her.

She has never kicked me out before. But has a very long history of similar stuff with my brothers.

I got talking to her GP and told him how is she going to look after herself. She can’t clean cook walk to the shops ect. He just said there is ways around that.

Basically its all lets see and wait game now.
And if it wasn’t for my GF I’d be in a hostel.

Hi Neil, sorry to hear about your situation. But it’s early days - your mum might be regretting what she did. Have you tried phoning her? It sounds like your mum depends on you a lot eg cooking, shopping, cleaning etc. She needs you.
I’m pleased you’re staying at your girlfriends for the time being. If things don’t work out could you live with one of your brothers?
I hope things get better for you,

Can you tell us a bit more about your brothers? Clearly mum has fallen out with them too. Did they leave you unsupported left living with mum or?

One brother lives other in Scotland.
The other one has nothing to do with us after my mum had a bad episode and called soical services on him about his kids.

I don’t think I’m going back this time either. After doing this for most of my life I’ve decided I need to look after myself or ill end up with problems.

I think that is a very sensible decision.
Remember this is a forum for former carers, as well as current carers.
We have supported others to move out, in similar situations.
One member is now married with a baby, a success story.

It’s going to be a difficult year, but surely your life has lurched from one drama to another with mum all your life?
I believe we are all responsible for our own happiness.
If we don’t put ourselves first, no one else will.
Mum has lost her right to any help from you due to her own behaviour.
Do you still have a key to the house? Can you get your stuff out?

Thank you that has made me feel better about myself for doing it.

Unfortunately the police made me hand over the keys to her. Aswell as keys to mobility car.

Yea the police handed over the car keys to someone with a long history with mental illness which they are aware off :huh:

I’ve been in contact with the home support team and a social worker. They basically said there’s nothing they can do as this is a family matter. :confused:

In that case, no one can blame you for the chaos that is inevitably going to follow!
I’m still concerned about your things, she has no right to keep them from you.
Is there anyone she listens to who could escort you into the house to get them?

A good mother would never EVER behave as she has done. Don’t hope that she will change, she never
will. Somehow, get over this, and aim for a new happier and more peaceful, stress free life for yourself.

As lockdown is now easing, they were saying on TV this week that all sorts of holiday places are looking for seasonal employees. This would give you some breathing space, especially as these jobs might com e with accommodation.

Thanks for the tip.

There isn’t anyone else my mum doesn’t have friends. Brother is in Scotland atm and haven’t seen the other one for many years.

Shocked at the lack of help im getting houing executive hasn’t rang me back. And soical are basically tough luck

If she doesn’t allow me to get my stuff then next step will be the police I guess


So sorry about your situation.

Who do you mean when you say the housing executive? Do you mean the homeless assessment team? In the UK, we are expected to make a callback within 24 hours to anyone who has requested it. If I were you, I would call them back and ask why no one has responded. They will do an over the phone assessment and tell you what your options are which may well be a hostel space - it’s better to have something compared to nothing. Plus with hostel spaces, you have a roof over your head whilst you try and sort a plan out for the future.

How old are you? Are you on any benefits? Do you work?

The Police should be able to escort you to her property and get your belongings so keep calling. Tell them you can’t just turn up on your own. Also make it perfectly clear to your Mum that this is it and you are going for good. She may change her mind and tell you not to go but it’s upto you what you do then.

Good luck.