A new member & would like some advice

New to Carers Connect
1

Hello everyone

I’m new to the Forum & hope you can help.

Could anyone tell me please if they’ve ever been in this situation that I find myself in, or perhaps something quite similar ? I’d like your invaluable advice please & some caring words.

My Mother is 87yrs old & has Advanced Alzheimer’s. She’s currently in hospital recovering from another illness. My 88yr old Father sadly passed away last year.

I am Mum’s evening & overnight carer – we live in the same house & I go to work 3-4 days a week. Mum can’t stand & walk any longer & she has double-handed carers x3 times a day.

I’ve been in this part-time caring role for Mum for about 10yrs now – with Alzheimer’s she’s obviously deteriorated along the way. Initially she could stand, walk, talk properly, go out in the car, etc., etc., but very sadly that is no longer.

The impact of the last 10yrs, plus my Father’s awful illnesses before he passed away, has led me to develop anxiety, ocd & a touch of depression. I’ve always had a tendency to be a bit of a ‘nervy person’ anyway unfortunately – just the way I am. My Dr is fully aware of my/our situation.

My brothers & I have a large financial issue which we’ve inherited from our parents. This will mean that when very sadly the inevitable happens with Mum, after some time the house will be sold & consequently, I’ll have to move out & try & buy somewhere of my own - I have no boyfriend/partner/husband & children.

Since Mum’s been in hospital for the past week, the reality of all of the above problems has hit home to me. I’m suddenly on my own with these thoughts constantly on my mind – plus waking early each morning, worrying & generally not feeling very well.

Oh dear :confused: Again, I’d greatly value your advice and caring words please.

Best wishes.

2

Some “financial issues” may not be inherited by the children.
If you could give us just a bit more information it would help.
My dad was a brilliant mathematician, but he lost the plot when he was very seriously ill with cancer.
The first mum knew of it was when her debit card didn’t work, and i was sent to sort it out, days before dad’s funeral - I’d already been worried about her attitude, spending like there was no tomorrow. "No point in worrying about money at a time like this she said!
I discovered that whilst I’d been told “dad paid it off every month”, it was only the minimum charge he paid off.
I was told he had a maximum of £4,000 on his card, but in fact it was £4,000 on his card and a similar account on mum’s!!
Then there was a loan for some ultra expensive guttering that they’d been persuaded they needed.
Mum pretended not to know about any of this, but later I realised she was just burying her head in the sand.
Without using my own money, I was able to sort things out.
Mum never EVER opened any bank statements. In the end I took control of everything. (I used to manage accounts for a hospital so was happy to do this).

3

Welcome to the forum KLC

My mother’s suffered from Alzheimer’s disease for over 12 years now and I’ve not been coping too well mentally myself, the past few years especially. Because I have epilepsy I stopped taking an antidepressant called Citalopram a long while ago and I’ve found that not only has my mood deteriorated but my OCD of old has returned with a real vengeance too. Only last Friday I spoke with an epilepsy nurse over the phone and we both agreed that it would be worth my taking this drug on a low dose, in spite of any risk posed to my epilepsy.

Stress and isolation have really played havoc with my mental wellbeing and your post, coming so close to last Friday’s phone call, has hit home. Have you spoken to your doctor about taking some medication for your problems? And of course, social services are meant to help out - though that isn’t always the case.

Once again, welcome to the forum. Best wishes, David