Seven years ago, after my father passed away, I sold my home to move in with my mother to care for. I have invested all my savings, amounting to thousands, into the house to ensure my mother is comfortable. I am now 60 years old and still work four days a week, 12 hours a day. However, her increasing demands and abusive behavior are becoming overwhelming. I have lived here for seven years, and my father left the house to my son and i to manage. My son, my mother and I are listed as the owners. This is my home now, and I am concerned about whether I will lose it if my goes into care.
In short, no, because itās not entirely hers to sell, and to do so would render you homeless. Thatās my understanding based on what my solicitor has told me.
If you Google āCharging for Careā you will find the .gov site.
Then search for Property Disregards.
That said, I would strongly recommend that you talk to a solicitor who specialises in Community Care Law as soon as possible.
Do you have Power of Attorney for mum? She has very high needs, and should be entitled to Attendance Allowance and also complete exemption from Council Tax on the grounds of āSevere Mental Impairmentā. This is easy to claim and can be backdated. Martin Lewis has mentioned one case that reclaimed over Ā£8,000. If mum has under about Ā£23,000 in savings she should be entitled to some care from Social Services.
Also look up NHS Continuing Healthcare Grogan Case.
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Thank you so much! That really put my mind at ease, and now I feel i can move move forward.
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Whilst forum members all have slightly different experiences of caring, between us someone almost always has experienced a similar problem. Long ago, when my brother was dying in Uruguay and phone calls were hugely expensive, I asked if there was a cheaper way? Within 10 minutes I was told about Skype. Obviously communication nowadays worldwide is so easy in comparison to then. In 1973 when I lived in Australia a chat with mum in the UK cost me a weekās wages, now I can chat online for free!
As you are 60, a close relative and have been living there as your sole address the property will be disregarded from your mothers financial assessment.
More complicated if you were to sell the house as they could claim the house was āgiven awayā in order to deprive of assets, even where a house was left in a will it can be complicated.
However as you are wanting to stay in your home thatās not an issue here. As advised already, do seek legal advise as social services have been known not to follow the rules and sometimes not even know them!
Thank you. It will be a difficult decision, but life is becoming harder as I get older.
Many here have faced similar issues.
My own mum was so physically frail that after a 7 month stay in hospital she moved to a home for 24/7 care. Not what mum or the family wanted, but it was what mum needed.
If you are working such long hours, how does mum manage when left alone?
I suspect that you donāt have a minuteās peace?
You are NOT invincible, too often carers are left with no support until they are desperately ill.
Itās very hard. My son helps out for a short time during the day, and at least he can escape it when he goes home. I have to get up at 4 AM for work, and my mum often wakes me up during the night. Iām so tired, both mentally and physically, that Iām completely run down now, to the point where I donāt care anymore, as harsh as that sounds.
No, not harsh at all. No one can be forced to care for anyone else, not even a husband for a wife. Itās time mum had 24 hour care, before something happens to you. My husband died soon after his father from a massive heart attack. Weād had an incredibly tough few years, Iāll always believe the stress of caring killed him.
Was the worry of losing your home holding you back?
When did you last have a holiday?
After investing so much into this house and sacrificing everything for my mum, also this was the home I was born in. The fear of losing it and becoming homeless filled me with dread. Itās been eight years since I last had a holiday; it feels like thereās never any time for one.
Youāve done too much for too long.
My son was brain damaged at birth. 16 years without one child free day ruined my health forever.
If mum has under Ā£23,000 in savings, respite can be funded partially or fully by Social Services.
In total Iāve cared for 10 different family members, from baby to 87 year old. Now just part time for my son, who lives 15 miles away. Every September I stay in a hotel for single travellers in Crete for 2 weeks. Time to relax, wear pretty dresses, even make up, spending days swimming, sight seeing, eating lovely food. Itās where I learned to live and laugh again. After all sorts of health issues, I can hardly wait. We all need time to switch off and recharge our batteries. In winter, after Christmas, I book a little cottage and take my sewing machine etc. Bliss.