My husband and I have been caring for my in-laws for over two years now. My Father-in-law has Parkinson’s and has an appointment with the memory clinic soon and my Mother-in-law has become very confused and is struggling with caring for her husband. She too has an upcoming appointment with the memory clinic.
We made the decision just over a year ago that we couldn’t care or help them properly as my husband was still working full time and we were still in our own home. They were phoning me in the daytime with issues and confusion and my husband from the time he came home from work until late evening. Anyway after a lot of discussions with my husbands parents and ourselves it was decided that we would sell up (our house was not suitable for them to live in) and move in with them to become their full time carers.
Selling up involved paying off our mortgage, small debt etc so we are now not in the same position as we were a year ago and my husband now doesn’t have a job.
The last year and a bit has been sooo hard!! They are deteriorating very quickly especially with their confused state of mind. It’s hard because we have two sets of needs here. His mum is so confused and is very needy and wants us close by whereas his dad in his confusion believes he is still working
And is resenting that we are here or that he need a lot of help physically with his Parkinson’s.
Our fear is if his dad has to go into a home we fear his mum will decline rapidly as they have been together over 60 years and if she ends up in a home as well the council will use the house to pay the care home fees. What happens to us? We are not in a position to buy again nor does my husband have a job now. He is 58
Hope this makes sense.
So sorry for the long message.
My “rough guide” is as follows.
Once you are 60, the value of the house is ignored.
Make sure the parents are claiming every penny they are entitled to.
Both are probably entitled to Attendance Allowance.
Do they have over £46,000 in savings?
Do you have Power of Attorney? There might just be time to arrange this.
Do they have other children?
Do they pay you for the care you provide?
Full details can be found if you Google “Charging for Residential Care”.
Thank you for replying
We are claiming all they are entitled to.
Yes they have savings over the threshold.
We have Power of Attorney.
My husband is an only child.
No they don’t pay us for the 24/7 care we provide.
Thank you so much for your advice and help
Welcome to our forum Kate. I would suggest you drop our advice line a email explaining your situation (or cut and paste) your forum post into an email and send it to them. The advice-line email address is firstname.lastname@example.org or you can ring them on our helpline on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm.
with best wishes
When mum was going into a care home, I worked out the total amount of her savings, the cost of the home, and her total income.
Weekly cost of the home less weekly income = amount of savings used every week.
Divide total savings by that amount, and then you have the number of weeks they can pay for before the money runs out.
In residential care, there is usually a FNC, funded nursing care payment, of around £100 a week, it may have gone up now.
Also be aware that IF they qualify for Continuing Healthcare, that is completely FREE, but it’s difficult to qualify.
I think it’s £180.00 now. (It was mentioned to me recently when I was discussing my wife’s forthcoming respite care stay).
Thank you so much I will do
Thank you for your reply x
Thank you for your advice