When consent is not given

My son is 18 autistic and anxiety issues that prevent him leaving house. He needs me with him all the time for emotional support. This includes waking me at night.

Social services suggested help, a PA, putting him on transforming care register, giving him an advocate, or residential supported living. But anxiety, fear, change to routine and he has refused all support. Social services said they can’t do anything without his consent.

I’m exhausted , can’t go out, see friends or get enough sleep. How can I persuade him to concent to help? Before I collapse with exhaustion?

I’m told he has capacity, though I’m not convinced. What should I do?

I will continue to care for him, but need some help to keep going.

Hi Helen,

Whether or not he has capacity, he is now 18 years old, an “adult”.
Did SSD do a Carers Assessment for you?
Is it just the two of you?

He has NO RIGHT to live in your house,

You CANNOT be forced to care for him.

One day, he is going to have to manage to live without you, unless he dies first, so everything now should work towards him managing without you. The longer this goes on, the harder it will be to resolve.

When did he last attend school?
Has he ever had support to go to college?

I would suggest gradually introducing a MALE PA to your household, without him initially engaging with your son. Maybe to mow the lawn, do DIY?
Then you “popping out” to the shops, post box, so that gradually this person and your son are gradually left together more.

Thank you for replying to me.
Thank you, introducing a male PA via diy is a good idea. I’m going to see if I can do that.
I’ve asked repeatedly since last June for a Carers Assessment but nothing seems to happen. I’m going to phone again today and ask again.
Everything seems to take so long with refurals to places that when we reach head of the queue have said why were you refured here, you don’t fit criteria for help from us

Helen, look at your LA website, to see if you can make an online complaint about Adult Social Care. This goes to HQ, not the team that can’t be bothered.

Thank you. I had thought that , but needed to have someone else see it that way too. I shall look up how to complain. You’ve given me confidence

My son is now 40, so I’m a lot further along the road than you. Just ask if there’s anything you think I can help with.