Thank you

…thank you for comments its appreciated

Do you think his behaviour is about also losing you. You need to have a discussion. About you are not the same. Perhaps he and you need to have counselling around the bereavements. And allowing you to live your life. Maybe some together!!

So you can air you feelings.

It’s really too late now, but I would have told you under no circumstance should dad have moved in with you!

Let’s go back to the circumstances which led to him moving in, and go from there.
Where was he living? Who owned it? Does he still own/rent it?
What alternatives were offered to him, or did he just dump himself on you???

What help does he need, is he disabled or just lonely?
What is his financial situation? Does he have savings over £23,000? Yes/No.
Is he claiming Attendance Allowance?

A potential " Deprivation of assets " problem down the line ?

There appears to be several states of different types of bereavement. And given the time of the year. There are and have been many changes. It’s like having a new lodger. There has to be ground rules. So you all need to write a list of each others expectations. And find a common ground.

Do you own or rent your home?
How old are you?
Is dad contributing properly to the running of the household?
Have you sorted out Power of Attorney?

Yes he is more than contributing. I’m 50. I think its because of lack of communication. I have started this process and I think with some patience on my part it will get better

I’m pleased dad is helping financially, so often parents don’t realise how much it costs to run a house.

After I was widowed, I bought a book called “Starting Again” by Sarah Litvinoff, primarily designed for divorcees. It’s usually on ebay for under £5, and there are some useful exercises in it which might help all of you adjust to the new way of living together. It’s a really easy to read book, which you can pick up and put down even page at a time.

It helps you think about how you spend your time, for example, and how you might manage your time better. VERY appropriate for a multiple carer like you. I made some huge changes, so that I had some “me” time. I also decided that Wednesday was going to be my day, mid week, which was generally quietest for me.

You might find that after lunch was quietest at home, so you could make a point of going out for a walk, having an afternoon nap, curl up with a book etc., making it very clear that you were not to be disturbed under any circumstances.
When my kids were small, my husband made sure that I could have a bath in peace, if I was in the bathroom I was NOT TO BE DISTURBED.

Does your husband resent sharing your attention with dad, or vice versa, do they compete at all for your time?

My husband is fine with it. I think it’s a clash of personalities with my dad. He came to live with us but we now feel we are living with him. My kids ask for help something as simple as can I have my granddaughter for a couple of hours. Dad goes you cant really cope with it. I’m sure it will work out eventually but at the moment it is hell. I just need my space