Hello
I’ve just registered to join the forum, but have been reading posts over the past few years and found them so helpful. I am 66, recently retired and have for the past few years had low-level caring responsibilities for my Mum, who is now approaching 91 and for my 75 year old husband, who has MH issues. I also suffer from anxiety, which has intensified over the past 2 years.
Mum was has lived independently in a bungalow for 13 years following the death of my Dad. We live nearby and see her often. Until about 3 years ago she was driving her car, doing her own shopping, cooking and cleaning, seeing friends, going to church. Over the past 3 years and particularly since the first lockdown, she has become increasingly frail, has lost confidence, is reluctant to see people and has stopped driving. We live locally and are there when she needs us, but we are getting increasingly concerned at her lack of mobility, wanting to stay in bed, struggling to wash herself and not eating properly. Things came to a head one evening earlier this week when we found her sitting on the kitchen floor after losing her balance and unable to get up by herself. We called 111 and the paramedics checked her over and said, apart from a bruise where her glasses caught her face, she was uninjured. She is reluctant to consider carers or any help and I think we have got to the point where she needs someone around 24-hours a day to keep an eye on her. I am in a constant state of anxiety about her and have pretty much cut myself off from family and friends for fear of catching Covid and passing it on to her. I have contacted a couple of local care homes that we have heard are good and I have called one to ask about respite care, which I think Mum may accept. She would be self-funding and this is not a problem How do we broach this without upsetting Mum? I feel so guilty and that I have failed.
My husband is also a concern for me. I did actually join this forum 5 years or so ago, as I needed advice about how to cope. I have been advised, following counselling, that he is possibly on the autistic spectrum. He is happy in his own company, pursuing his hobby and on the internet, but has no empathy whatsoever and is entirely self-centred. He has no friends and has estranged himself from most of his own family. I have coped with this in the past by accepting that this is how things are and by spending time at weekends with family, particularly my grandchildren, being at work in a job I enjoyed and with people I got on with and seeing friends in the evening and by joining a choir. Since the first lockdown, all this has gone. I worked from home for the first year and then retired last April. My husband is very scared of catching Covid and is reluctant to go anywhere where there are other people (unless it’s something he wants to do) and I only meet up with friends and family outside for walks and sitting outside for coffee. I rarely see my children and grandchildren now and feel my whole life has been taken over by older people and their needs.
Sorry for the rant, but I am finding things difficult at the moment.