Help please


My Dad is elderly and growing frailer and more confused. After losing my Mum a year ago he’s declined rapidly over the past few months but still thinks he can do everything himself. Yesterday he couldn’t get out of bed and pressed his care alarm button for support. They came and rang his GP who visited and admitted him to hospital for tests and because from what he saw he’s not safe to be alone.

What on earth do I do next? I’m going to a discharge meeting today once the consultants have seen him on their rounds. The nurses don’t see him as physically ill (despite the fact he couldn’t move and the GP was the one who admitted him ) and were assuming I should see him every day without asking me anything about my own life (this is not possible for many reasons) and made me feel so guilty as they were so judgemental. I do my best in some complicated circumstances.

I fear they are going to rush him out of hospital before I can get anything in place to support him in the home. Does anyone have any advice for the discharge meeting so I don’t get bamboozled? Yes they need the bed, I get that but currently it’s the safest place for him.

Thank you


Hi VV … welcome to an extremely quiet forum as I type … current time of little help.

Immediate thought … HOSPITAL DISCHARGE … the BIBLE :

Being discharged from hospital - NHS

In short … by the book or … NO DISCHARGE.

I would recommend familiarising yourself with what’s spelt out in that link.

Too many problems reported on this forum start from an unsafe hospital discharge !!!

Others will be along to extend their welcomes and … most probably , delve down into the day to day caring aspects … needs /
carer assessments … to help you survive as a carer … even as a future care manager.

Hi Violet, someone else will almost certainly be along shortly who is better versed in this sort of stuff than me, but rest assured, your Dad can’t be sent home without what’s required being in place - that would be an “Unsafe Discharge”. If you mention that to those at the hospital it will let them know that you are informed (you will be soon) and won’t be steamrollered into something that you don’t want.

Thank you both - I will print out that hospital discharge info and take it with me.

Your welcome , VV.

A very useful weapon if needed.

In essence , the blueprint for all at the hospital as well !

Hi Violet - you absolutely refuse to have him home until there is a proper care package in place. You say there is no one at home to support or care for him and that you cannot do it. He needs a proper care assessment to decide what support he needs. That might be possible at home, it might be that a care home would be better. Best of luck!

Violet, you have a right to NOT care for dad. No one can force you, they may try to bully you (I’ve had this myself, it’s horrible) but they CANNOT FORCE YOU.

You are fighting for the right to a life of your own, if you end up caring for dad, it will affect every single area of your life.

Tell us more about dad’s situation and we may be able to help.