I’m now just really struggling with stress. I can’t help but believe I have brought it on and made it happen because I am worrying about it anyway.
It’s totally wrong that this is allowed to happen. I am waiting on a call from the Mps team at some point today.
So things haven’t really progressed today at all, other than I have spoken to the mps team.
Mum remains at the top of the list for one property however there are a few days remaining I keep checking every hour or so, I feel bad if I don’t.
As part of the latest my youngest sister is trying to ruin everything. She keeps telling mum all sorts of information which is untrue, she also wants mum to go in a two bed but she won’t get it, however my sister is just messing about.
We keep saying that we want to get my mum secure and then we will consider moving her again if my sister is serious, but my sister has done it all before. She has left home twice to live with boyfriends. I don’t trust her.
In other news I spoke to the doctor today. I told them how I feel like I have willed all this to happen by worrying about it.
They have increased my medication
I’m very glad you have your MP on side.
Something I think nobody has said yet, which is very important: there are only three reasons she should move out.
The landlord will try to tell her she has to leave, but the landlord does not get to make the call on this. If she moves out before the bailiffs arrive, the council will say she’s intentionally homeless and she’ll go to the back of the queue. And the landlord will have to persuade the court system to send the bailiffs, which all takes time.
Are the council aware of any medical conditions she has which would make homelessness even worse than for most people? My partner is diabetic, and when we were evicted we had to tell the council about it, because living on the streets with no fridge would have killed him. It makes a difference as to how they sort the queues.
If it helps deal with your anxiety, go for it!
Your sister seems to be making things even worse. Are there other relatives who can rein her in?
And it sounds like you need it. What a palaver to dump on you: you don’t deserve it, even if you feel like you do.
The Samaritans are on 116 123. Please keep the number handy. You don’t need to be actively suicidal to talk to them.
@Marn Thank you. My mum was already band B before this which is quite high. I have bid on two properties for her both over 55 living places.
Mum is very vulnerable and has an occupational therapy report which the housing team are well aware of.
The messed up thing is we told the letting agents that she is vulnerable, has carers and is waiting for specialist accommodation, however we told them we don’t know how long it will take. They obviously know and I told the MP this as they’ve essentially added to the vulnerabilities of an entire family for what?
I have OCD, my mum has all sorts, one sibling is partially sighted and the other is annoying. There are no other family members. It’s not right.
It’s made us all quite poorly too. I am unable to eat without throwing up, my psoriasis is going crazy at the moment (stress flairs it up). I am barely sleeping. My sister is complaining of intense tummy bugs brought on by stress.
I would understand if we were in debt, but they’ve had their rent on time for 15 years straight. The house has always being well maintained. It just seems to me financially orientated.
OK. Please try and calm down. It’s easy for me to say but getting all worked up is not going to do you or your Mum any favours.
If your Mum is not in rent arrears, the eviction process is 3 months. If she had not paid her rent and it was overdue by a few months, they can go for a speedy eviction.
The landlord can put pressure on your Mum but she needs to them to follow the court process.
You or your Mum need to re-contact the Homelessness unit. They will ask for all the paperwork and do as much as they can to support you. If the time comes and the bailiff turns up, your Mum should be entitled to temporary accommodation and she will get priority banding (I know you said she is already in Band B). Be careful though, if the temporary accommodation is bed and breakfast, expect there to be lots of unsavoury characters there!
What happened with the property they offered? Sorry, I’ve not been on much and have too much on my plate.
Do a quick Google in your area and see if there are any agencies that can offer floating support to your Mum. I know you said things are getting on top of you. Why not apply to have a support worker as they will be able to keep in touch with the local authority instead of you.
There should also be something like CAB who will advocate on your Mum’s behalf. In our local authority, it’s called Fusion Housing. You or your Mum need to contact them and ask for help.
Best wishes,
Thanks, the papers were handed into the homeless team yesterday. Ever since I have called just about everyone for help, her social workers, the gp, mp, carers information team. The CAB in my area was closed today.
The other place fell through because she was allocated as needing sheltered accomodation by the OT. They ignored/didn’t read the report properly, and she was offered this place. Obviously it was not suitable.
The two places I have bid on are. She is currently position one for one of them and position 3 for the other. These are also over 55 places so a lot less bidders. I’ve looked through past ones, some places have less than 10 bidders meanwhile houses are in their hundreds.
Yes. It makes me so angry that the wellbeing of vulnerable people is placed into the hands of strangers and given a monetary value.
ACORN might be able to kick up a fuss on your behalf, if it comes to that.
@Marn Woke up not so long ago with night sweats and panicking. I only went to a doctor yesterday and my anti-depressant medicine was increased because of this.
To me uncertainty creates lots of little opportunities which all have consequences, and well those consequences can be good or bad. It’s hard to form a rational plan because it feels like I am wading through a mix of rational/irrational thoughts.
I’m worried about ny mums mental health, she has a history of depression and has been sectioned a few times. I am afraid that uprooting her could have this impact.
All my family seem to have gone from happy ish to completely sick in just a few days. We don’t know what is ahead of us. But the government only care about the wealthy landlords.
Just feel like I’m getting absolutely nowhere. According to the social worker, the local are are innunfated with helping people, it could take 7 weeks to get a response.
I have spoken to shelter and they have put me in touch with a place called the CLA.
I’ve also bid on a couple of places and mum is still coming up with medical priority, she is also quite high on the list. Currently first for 1 and third for the other.
I don’t know if third means she doesn’t have a chance.
My sister is also just absolutely annoying me. I’ve applied to multiple places, but she doesn’t want mum to go in them.
I’ve applied to over 55s sheltered accommodation and bungalows but my sister keeps saying these accommodations are for people with special needs, and people who can’t move. She just will not listen. She’s also saying mum doesn’t need a bungalow because she’s not old.
She’s putting ideas into my mums head and it’s ruining everything. I know it’s because she wants my mum to get a 2 bed place so she’s got a back up plan if she splits up with her boyfriend. But it’s so delicate now, mum just needs somewhere for her needs.
I’ve spoken to mum about what she wants, and she wants the supported accommodation. She has seen it and really liked it. She wants a space to call her own and do up accordingly.
Mum is also band b medical priority so it shows she needs this. I also think she would benefit from social housing as it puts her in a more secure place- no more non fault section 21s.
My sister keeps coming up with flats but we keep saying 1) the LHA rate won’t cover it 2) they may look nice but you don’t know if they have damp 3) you don’t know what the landlord is like until you have a problem. 4) no pets 5) cheaper places often in bad areas/ how is mum and her history of trauma ever going to feel safe regardless 6) no wet room.
The places I have seen allow animals, and she loves her cat so can’t give him up. It’s not fair on the poor animal, because everyone knows what will happen otherwise.
My sister is also 22, and behaves like a promiscuous feral teenager. It’s just not good for mum. She’s only going to get older and after her eventual knee operation she will need more help. No one knows what the future holds housing wise too, so the sooner the better.
So bungalows are only for “old” people? What utter twaddle! We moved into our present bungalow when we were in our mid-forties. Few people (teenagers aside) would call that “old”.
This proved in the longer term to be a good move. Although my caree could manage stairs when we bought the place, she cannot now.
In any case, sheltered accommodion is frequently in the form of a single storey building. This is just what your mum needs, in view of her knee problems.
This post really sums up your situation.
To me, this is an unacceptably selfish attitude, particularly in view of the grief and pain that her interference is causing you and your mother. Also, it is unlikely that you will be offered accommodation taking account for an additional 22-year-old.
Has your sister done anything to actually help your situation? I suggest you ignore her and do what is best for your mother. Your sister should find her own accommodation.
It is not comfortable to be under notice to quit, but let us hope that this at least bumps your mum up the priority list.
It’s nothing to do with your sister!
Ultimately, it’s not her choice or yours, but mum’s.
Does she not believe that mum is going to be homeless soon?
Tell her that if she can’t help, she shouldn’t say anything.
Does she not realise how distressing this is for you as well?
I just hope that mum does get some sheltered housing so you can get on with your own life, at long last.
My sister is one of those where she thinks she’s always right.
Yet I’m the one to make all the phone calls, doing everything in my power to make sure mum is going to get somewhere.
I’m not really sure how the bidding system ultimately works, but on the properties I have bid on on her behalf she is currently coming up as 1st, and 4th. I’m not sure how the shortlisting works.
We also applied for another via a housing association which is first come first serve and she’s second on the list. The people said that If the first person doesn’t want it, mum will be offered. She’s second on the list.
I drove mum around all three properties today and she liked them. She also said she needs to do this as it’s for her health, these one floor places will really help her. She also recognises that she knows her problems will only get worse.
I asked her what she wanted, and she said sheltered accommodation or a bungalow.
I’ve been at her house today just getting rid of things. We have removed nearly all the stuff in my old room and dismantled the bed and old desks.
Can’t help but feel so horrible about all this though, I feel so nervous all the time. I can barely eat anything. I’ve had all my medication increased and everything.
Promise yourself that this time next year things will be so much better. The threat of eviction is now getting her the attention she needs to move, a real fresh start. Tell your sister to back off. I know you have helped her a lot in the past, is she jealous of the attention you are giving mum? Is sister helping with getting mum to declutter before moving?
It is bad that you are feeling so horrible and need medication - mostly because of your sister’s interference. It is good that you are decluttering. This will make the move easier when the time comes. Keep finding positive things to do and achieve, and this will help you to feel better.
I think it’s very hard at the moment. I am barely sleeping or eating it’s just so hard. I feel like there’s a constant knot in my stomach and I am on high alert.
Mum has also been to the council however there is a 7 week wait for help. The housing crisis is so bad here.
With you entirely.
I think it’s worth remembering that a system built around this much uncertainty is chaotic (i.e. unpredictable) further than a few moves ahead. Think of the story about the butterfly flapping its wings and causing a hurricane. You can predict in the short term and within a short distance that a butterfly’s wings won’t cause much of a problem to anyone. But beyond that, who can say where the air currents might lead?
And it’s possible to mentally prepare yourself for something that seems likely, or even two or three things. But you can’t resign yourself to dozens of them. Yet this is what you and I end up trying to do in a chaotic system.
I have a few half-solutions I try to use, if you want to hear. None of them are much good in practice, but they help a bit.
Who was sectioning her, out of interest? Was this after turning up at A&E, or something else?
Yes. I’ve said this already somewhere, but it makes me so angry.
I apologise if this has been suggested before and I’ve missed it, but have you had a Carers Assessment? You need to get help for yourself if you’re going to support your mum.
I have had some further thoughts, Coolcar. A lounge can serve as an overnight bedroom. In its most basic form, this can be done by laying a mattress on the floor, and adding some blankets or a duvet. A better way would be to use a Japanese-style futon, which can be folded away when not in use. Alternatively, there are settees that can convert to beds.
I am not suggesting this as a long-term arrangement, but it is a way in which someone could stay the night with Mum, if desired.
It is up to you how much you share this idea with your sister. It could relieve a problem, but could also create repercussions. You know your family relationships best.
Yep. I’ve been with the service over a year, they are as much use as a chocolate service. They are essentially just another signposting service who don’t do anything put put you in touch for another organisation, only for them to signpost you back.