Social services failing to provide adequate support

I just can’t believe social services. I have had word from my mum this afternoon that her abuser has applied for a non-molestation order, she must attend court this Friday. We believe that he is using it to gain leverage over mum, and he will then use it to make malicious lies to the police. She has no support to help her despite her having her struggles. I have just tried to call her Social Worker, but the receptionist told me that she now only works on a Monday and a Friday. I told them it is not good enough and I have now sent them an email demanding that they provide a new social worker because it is just disgusting. How is a social worker supposed to do her job in two days. She is a social worker for Pete’s sake not a shop assistant, how do you provide adequate protection and support in this time.

I just don’t know what to do, mum has no support on Friday, and she is going to be placed under a court of law. It seems like pretty soon I will have no mum because of him. Its just totally fluffed.

Coolcar, I have no experience of this, but your Mum shouldn’t have to go alone. As a vulnerable adult she should be entitled to support. This link may prove useful to you;

I am trying to get someone to go with her, social services said someone would ring me back however they haven’t called back. They promised it would be today but it is 4:30. I doubt it now

Don’t panic, if they don’t ring you back today then chase again tomorrow (exhausting I know and difficult when juggling work too.)

It would be worth looking at the Mind stuff to as the information may strengthen your argument.

Thank you. Unfortunately I never heard back from the social worker at all. I will be ringing back tomorrow first thing. It’s just disgusting they promised I would hear back today.

I have also sent an email asking for them to reconsider mums social worker or at least provide a patch for the days when her social worker is not available. I’m not a total d, I know people have time off and work part time, however I feel like when they are providing support, they are someone should be available at all times. I also think wonder how they could provide adequate support when she works two days a week. A response to an email can take a day so it could take weeks to get things done.

They don’t realise how hard it is at all. I get people need time off I really do. But if I had time off my job I wouldn’t expect the quality of what my workplace to do should go down either.

I was also slightly concerned because the man is known to fake stuff. I called the number to see if it was real and it was, I spoke to the person who said mum had the order against her and just asked him if it was real. He said it was and that he would bring the papers tomorrow. I asked about the papers. Wierdly it sounded like he wasn’t convinced the male was telling the truth. He told us how to appeal the order and said “it seems like the person is the perpetrator.” Apparently it is common for abusers to do this. It is used to gain advantage. Apparently he told my mum to gather loads of evidence earlier ans that she can adjourn the court hearing until she can get legal aid.

I am now compiling a file of evidence for her to take, including text messages, photos of damage and her fractured arm, letters to social services, names and details of carers, social workers, and her IDVA.

It’s affecting my mental health so much. I hate looking at my phone to see another message, my stomach drops hard. Tonight has been especially hard, I picked up my sister but I just wanted to go straight home. Yet she needed me to take her to get some items. All the time I was panicking so we rushed, I just wanted to go home. I can’t go on any more medication.

It’s hard to eat some nights because I feel my stomach has dropped so low. all I want to do is go home get tucked under blankets where I know I am safe.

I just can’t believe that people are failing so much. The police don’t seem to be policing and are ignoring incidents, social workers aren’t supporting. It feels like where I live it’s like the purge.

Today I heard back from the social worker to say that they couldn’t tell me anything due to GDPR. I have written a statement, sending it to all parties that should be involved including the Police Complaints Team, Social Services, and the local MP. I sent the exact same letter to all parties.

The police responded to me straight away and social services said it would be passed onto the duty manager. The police told me exactly what is happening and what cases are ongoing. I told them I hold more evidence and I will be contacted by an officer in due course to discuss it.

The court papers have also been served and well the male is clearly lying. He told the courts that the police told him that mum was making false allegations, however this is untrue the police told me so earlier. Instead the case was closed by the cps due to a lack of evidence. The police said making false allegations is a seperate matter and one that carries prosecution, however there was no evidence to say mum was lying.

He also told the courts he knew nothing of my mums arm, but we have several screenshots of him vindictively saying “how’s your mums arm” to my siblings. Collected evidence also shows he was sending my sister pictures of my mum naked whilst she was asleep with the caption “she’s passed out.”

The police officer was very nice and she advised that mum could get a lifeline from social services to help her.

I spoke to the police earlier and there is some good news, but there is also ongoing cases. They told me that a non molestation order is a civil thing and won’t stand up should it go to court, however I worry about the lasting impact it has on her well-being.

This evening I can’t sleep whatsoever. I am so scared. I tried to eat but it just came back up again and I have been throwing up all night. I keep coming in really cold and my stomach drops hard. I have taken my meds plus some extra Kalms today but it is only having some impact. I am still throwing up all the time.

Now she is too difficult to deal with and needs more support than I can provide. I can no longer battle with my own mental health problems and any

Hello, Coolcar. I am sorry to hear about all your problems. It may be that Social Services and others are restricting what they can say to you because they need to maintain confidentiality with matters to be presented to court. I know that this is a worrying time but just present all the evidence that you can. Find others that can support your case. It may be an idea to phone the helpline on 0808 808 7777. In cases like this, a dialogue on the phone is more helpful than a forum topic. The counsellors can ask questions back straight away and focus in on the roots of your problems.

Thank you for the advice. I am trying to do what I can. I am not sure they know it has gone to court yet. But I cant help but feel they should have done something faster, they have known the guy is dangerous since December however her social worker changed and there was a time period of six weeks where she had no support creating a whole range of issues which have had listing impact. She now has the carers and is responding great to them. Her carer has become like her best friend and she helps her a lot.

I am a little confused about the whole situation though, there is alot of conflicting things going on in my head. Like I know this order tomorrow will have little impact if it is granted or not. However she has to return for bail at the end of the month, however a police offer said to her that they are going to have a meeting after for what she wants to do about the abuser and the ongoing cases. The bail date was supposed to happen last month, but it was cancelled last minute due to illness of a police officer. Most other cases have been closed due to a lack of evidence and only three remain. Two against him and one against mum.

According to mum there was one incident where she saw the abuser in the street whilst she was with her carer apparently she reacted really badly and was very scared.

I have just had enough of all this. This should not be the role of a carer.

Last night I fell asleep early as I was hoping to relieve some of the anxiety. I woke up about 2am, and had successive periods of waking up and being sick. At 5am I woke up because some sort of smoke alarm went off I think. I cant remember.

I keep telling mum that this ‘I can go off the rails’ behaviour needs to stop, and she needs to stop thinking that she is invincible because she can use her dead partner as an excuse. I am not saying she is guilty I am just saying she is acting like she can’t be hurt. She makes stupid decisions and puts on the ‘I am a strong woman, I can beat them act.’ She cant beat them she is far too vulnerable. What strength does she have now the abuser has done what he has done.

I keep telling her to avoid pubs in dodgy areas or even pubs in general. I am not saying they are all bad at all. I have told her she is better off going to social bars and clubs. They often have stricter rules and have zero tolerance approach to anything. There are a few LGBTQA+ bars in the area, I told her that they are probably better for the social experience, at least drag Queens will be entertaining and nice people. A pubs best friend is an alcoholic, why else would they open at 10am? So why would they throw out their best customers, mum fails to recognise this.

I am also fed up of people bad talking my dad in all of this too. There is a saying in journalism, the ‘dead can’t defend themselves’ or ‘the dead can’t sue you.’ Its a harsh term but one I use wisely to mean don’t talk badly about the dead because they cant defend themselves. Some other papers will take those words as do what you want, but we don’t.

I say this because I am fed up of my dad being used in such a way and allegations being made up about his behaviour. Dad was a gentleman that died way before his time it was a tragedy. Life before his death was totally different to what it is now. I miss him everyday.

Me and my sister drove to the shop yesterday, and as I drove we were sharing our memories of him including the fact that you would have to email him because he would never answer the phone. Many email exhanges were very funny conversations, but that is what dad was like. We laughed hysterically at our memories.

Hi Coolcar,

After my dad died, mum blamed him for everything. My brother and I were really fed up with this in the end. Then I realised that whatever had happened in the past, mum never ever said “Looking back I made a mistake”. Nothing was ever her fault!

Dad was a mathematician and a very senior scientific civil servant, the things he was responsible for inventing and developing made all the armed services better protected both at home and during conflicts round the world.

He even had one of his inventions exhibited at the Science Museum in London.
I can’t ever remember saying how proud she was of him, or what good work he did! So sad.

Mum wouldn’t even let me put his death in the local paper, and then later said “no one ever wrote to me after your dad died”!!!

I’m telling you this just so you know you are not the only one this is happening to.